DELIGHTFUL DELICIOUS TENDER TASTY GREAT CRUNCHY CRISPY ASIAN FLAIR!

Some people are very far from civilization. No, I'm not talking about Texas, though it would be reasonable to hazard that guess. Texas is not a place but a toxic state of mind, and therefore it cannot be anywhere near to or distant from civilization.

Dot. Dot. Dot.

Dot. Dot. Dot.

Actually, that's unfair. Some people do live in Texas, poor bastards.


They're probably the target audience for this product:

Canned Chicken Chow Mein

CITE:
"La Choy Chicken Chow Mein is our most popular meal and combines a delightful medley of Asian-style vegetables with tender cuts of chicken in a tasty sauce."
End cite.

It's a miracle of modern technology. All the convenience of a Chinese take-out restaurant in the middle of a barbarian wilderness filled with howling hairy savages and viciously judgmental Southern Baptists; the kind of people who make methamphetamine in their bathtub and brutalize the local wildlife.

Perhaps that is Texas. Don't know, not planning to find out.

La Choy Chicken Chow Mein. Yum.
Just like their beef chow mein, the chicken chow mein "tastes" great over rice. Or crispy noodles.

Because neither product actually contains noodles.

CITE:
"La Choy Beef Chow Mein is an exciting matchup of Asian-style vegetables with tender cuts of beef in a delicately seasoned sauce. It is great over rice or La Choy Chow Mein Noodles."

And:

"La Choy crispy Chow Mein Noodles and Rice Noodles add Asian flair when you need to top off your favorite main dishes, salads, and sides. Add the perfect crunch to your meal with our delicious crispy Asian noodles."
End cite.

[Source, all these fine products: http://www.lachoy.com/.]


At this point, you may be tempted to explain WTF?!?!

Mein by definition means noodles. Specifically noodles made from wheat flour. Chow mein means fried noodles. Pan fried noodles.

Let me repeat that: there are NO noodles in either the beef or the chicken chow mein.


Feel free to pour it over your refried beans or tuna casserole.


Just add bacon, cheese, and pickled jalapeños.


Or layer it between sliced bread.


With some Miracle Whip.


And black olives.




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