YOUNG WHITE PEOPLE ON THE BUS

Okay, I understand it's no longer part of your culture to offer old ladies your seat. And it's unheard of, apparently, where you guys come from.
So I shall not look askance anymore. But there are a few minor things I would like to clear up.


For one thing, sit up straight. Your big knees sticking out into the aisle are inconvenient and in the way, and I have to repress an urge to break your legs every time I trip over your lazy slumped body. You are large and ungainly; try not to infringe on everyone else's space.

Secondly, yelling at people trying to get on that there is no more room is no help whatsoever. They can see that your offensively huge football player body is taking up a lot of space, and they can also see that you can move at least a foot further back. Please do so. Those people have been waiting at this stop just as long as you did at yours. They're coming in. Bus ain't moving until they're on board. Kindly shut up.

Thirdly, must you even talk? You young transcontinentals are kind of stupid, and your unpleasantly grating voices carry. Yes, you're trying to assert your rights to the universe now that the rest of us have gotten on board. You feel threatened. That also explains why you don't understand how to smoothly manoeuvre in crowds without forcing everybody else into the street.
We don't really care; it isn't your world.
If you can't yield an inch of space, how about not invading our ears?

And lastly, tuck in your elbows. Did you notice that there are other people on this municipal conveyance? Your sharp and individualistic forelimbs can actually stay with your body. You would be surprised how many people resent your hogging more space than a family of ten from Guatemala.
You seem oblivious to everyone else's discomfort.
Perhaps you are a selfish pig?


A final note: This is San Francisco. Not Boston. Not Washington D.C. Not New York or Philadangdelphia, nor the blasted buggery Midwest.
We're a bit over-crowded here, and our infrastructure is strained. Our bus system needs to transport more people than it comfortably can. The streets are packed with slow-moving vehicles, and there is absolutely no parking. Your being here is a horrible imposition. We'll accept that; we're charging exorbitant rent, and our prices are higher, because we like your money.
Oh yeah, we also think you're kind of stupid.... did I say that already?

On the plus side, and this benefits both of us, our bartenders are really generous when they pour drinks, and there's lots of caffeine all over the place. So we'll semi-gladly share our beautiful city. We understand that where you come from everything is ugly, and we feel sorry for you.
But please don't make us want to smack you down.
Your mere existence makes us tense.


AFTERWORD

This blogger is also white. Very much so, in fact. But I'm older than you, and I learned how to move to the back of the bus, let others pass, yield my seat to ladies, modulate my voice, and when I've reached my destination head fluidly back up the aisle, out the rear door, and onto the sidewalk.
Without being all elbows, knees, and belligerent East-coast attitude.
It's a way of life. As well as complete self-assurance.
And there's always extra room on the bus.
That's just the way it is.
Meatballs.



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