At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

DISCUSSING THE FEMALE OF THE SPECIES

It is with keen disappointment that I realize that NOBODY is leaving messages for the hot and sexy blogger here. There are no sweetly suggestive comments underneath my posts, and no-one has availed themselves of the splendid opportunity presented by my letterbox to send me over-the-top propositions.
Why is that?!?

A lack of crazy self-assurance, perhaps?

On a related note, I must inform several people that their legs are not too fat. You women have no clue about feminine beauty. None whatsoever.


Skinny skank pins are what fashion-designers like to see wobbling down the runway, but you should realize by now that fashion designers have issues. Their sexuality is often twisted beyond belief, they hate women, and the only reason they want females enveloping them is as accessories to their own overblown sense of fabulosity. But never as conversational partners, friends, or equals. Merely as ego-stroke decoration, and to show off what divine aesthetic sense they possess.

Virtually the same sickeningly obsessive dynamic also informs men like Hugh Heffner, Silvio Berlusconi, and Dominique Gaston André Strauss-Kahn. Men so distressed by their own inadequacy that they must surround themselves with the trappings of power and pursue sex with a single-mindedness that calls out for psychotherapy and chemical castration.


Real women have real legs. Plus extra weight here and there, as well as figures that do not resemble stick insects. And above all, above it all, a head with a functioning brain. That last item is by far the most beautiful part of a woman's body. It explains all those hairy-armpitted European ladies who have husbands, lovers, casual flings, and besotted Frenchmen.

Real women have opinions. Real women have mouths. Real women have interests and moods. Real women are grouchy. Real women like long baths, or spending the weekend lounging around in grubby clothes, reading.
Real women sometimes want fried food.


Real women need vindaloo.



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16 Comments:

  • At 9:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Advice. If you are looking for a date, step away from your computer and explore the real world. You come across as lonely, desperate and a bit creepy.

     
  • At 9:27 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    But I am lonely and a bit creepy.

    Not desperate.
    I've seen what's out there.
    I will never be that desperate.

    One word.
    Tattoos.
    Tattoos and neuroses.
    Okay, that's two words.
    Tattoos and neuroses.

     
  • At 9:28 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    And rampant consumerism.

    Three words.
    Tattoos, neuroses, and rampant consumerism.

     
  • At 9:29 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Three words.

    Among the things I fear are tattoos, neuroses, and rampant consumerism.

     
  • At 9:32 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    And a lack of imagination, inculcated by popular media, especially television.

    Especially Fox and Bravo.


    Four words. Not three. Four.

     
  • At 11:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You're really going to have to explain the vindaloo.

    Vindaloo?


     
  • At 12:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Mister, it would take more than just crazed self-assurance, it would take temporary insanity and alcohol-fuelled late night internet stalking.

    But I'll admit it's an amusing concept.

     
  • At 2:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    lonely, desperate and a bit creepy.

    Desperate?


    Try nuts.

     
  • At 2:52 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Commenter at 11:45,

    The perfect woman likes vindaloo.

    Surely you knew that?

     
  • At 2:54 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Commenter at 12:00 PM,

    Alcohol-fuelled internet stalking?

    I'll happily settle for cold sober sparks of inspiration and recognition of a like-mindedness. They're far less likely to lead to weird developments later on.

     
  • At 2:55 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Commenter at 2:49,

    Why should I try nuts? I'm absolutely not interested in squirrels.


    But thanks for the suggestion.

     
  • At 7:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sickazoid?

     
  • At 1:28 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Bhaingan bharta.

     
  • At 1:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Add more ghee.

    It's th3 onee tj6u aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac

     
  • At 10:35 AM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Anonymous at 1:36 AM,


    What?


     
  • At 11:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "Try Nuts"

    I wouldn't bother. Women are more interested in chocolates or perhaps pastries.

    I don't think the average woman is interested in nuts, of any variety

     

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