DEALING WITH IT

Most people spend Saturday evening partying or behaving outrageously.
This blogger spends his Saturday evening avoiding Teddy Bears.
Contrary to popular misconception, Teddy Bears are NOT the soothingly soft - in - the - head characters of Disney and daytime television, but deeply complex individuals, frequently only borderline sane.
Pooh was a certifiable halfwit with offensive mannerisms, and probably had sexual issues to boot. In any case, quite bent.
Those furry pastel freaks on teevee are responsible for more damaged infants than you can shake a stick at, little fat overeating meatballs who coo and squeal, and demand pampering and coddling till far into their twenties.
Several other star ursines are forbidden from ever coming near kids again, after having damaged a few for life with insane escapades that went horribly wrong.

Bears are by no means safe comforting babysitters, and if you leave them alone with your brats, they're are likely to grow up traumatized, twisted, and deviant.
Questioning both your authority and leadership of the herd.
Saddled with a serious tranquilizer addiction.
Ignorant of the Oxford comma.
Always in therapy.

Shan't even mention the well-known coprophiliac bears who sold their souls to the toilet paper manufacturers; they have no pride whatsoever, they're only doing it for candy money.
Mercenary cretins.

Teddy Bears are hugely problematic to be around, and absolutely require the company of sane mature adults.
Otherwise they'll just create problems, and stir things up.
Especially when I'm the only human in the apartment.



THE SENIOR ROOMIE

This is my roommate's Teddy Bear, and her oldest friend. Due to my roommate's busy life (which does not include me), the Senior Roomie is often left to fend for herself, managing the other stuffed animals, who are a rowdy bunch. When things drastically changed a few years ago the Senior Roomie had a bit of a nervous breakdown. She's on medical leave at present while someone else has taken over her tasks. Quieter and calmer now, but occasionally she still mutters angrily. Especially in my direction. She's always had it in for me.
Lately, given that my roommate hasn't been romantically involved with anybody in a while, the bear has been gloating in an unseemly manner.
Hah, finally that woman will have to depend on the wise bear again!
Boy is she going to be pissed when S.K. finds someone.
I do not want to be there when that happens.


EDNA

She has a sweet personality, but she's really quite batshit. Let's just say that this is a Teddy Bear with problems, who cannot deal with reality well. Or even at all. She also has queer obsessions, and blames me for a lot that is wrong in the world.
When I found her she was outside Walgreens panhandling for seafood.
Normally she sits in her corner and ignores the others.
Occasionally she says the word 'fish'.
Then looks threatening.
Fish!


HENRY

A sadly disappointed little fuzzball in a permanent state of denial about his social handicap. Probably not the sanest of Teddy Bears. Like several other critters in the apartment he just doesn't listen very well. Possibly suffers from ADD, but more likely just not very bright. Psychologically and behaviourally screwy. He's very hard to talk to.
I consider him the most dysfunctional of the roomies. One of his theories is that if I just threatened all the others on his behalf, and enforced what he says is 'the law', things would be a lot better. His love-life would improve, too.
Obviously, I shall not argue with him. That would be pointless.
Instead, I prefer to escape for several hours.
Smoking my pipe among humans.


MANFERD

Years ago I found Manferd sitting on the bench at a bus stop late at night, long after that line stopped running. He's made himself quite at home in the apartment, and seems remarkably well-adjusted for so taciturn and antisocial a critter. Possibly his hobo-life before he settled down taught him self-reliance and gave him maturity.
Sometimes I don't know where he is.
Or where his head is at.



As you can see, staying home on Saturday evening is out of the question. On the other hand, partying or behaving outrageously is not part of the program either.

Saturday evenings are a bit of a waste of time, and often somewhat depressing.



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