YOUR NON-REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS

While at the wall on Friday, I noticed that the cigar smokers were enchanted by mating pigeons, some even delivering a witty running commentary on the feathered shenanigans that were going on around their toes.
They had a great deal of sympathy for the male bird, and praised his choice of mate – a petite female pigeon of youthful demeanor and sparkling personality.
As a pipe smoker, I am not interested in the passion of pigeons. But.
I am delighted that they (the cheroot aficionados) know so much about avian love and avidly encourage it.

Pigeon sex.

Cigar smokers, viewing pigeon sex.

So much more charming than Rush Limbaugh’s views on sex.

This post is about sex.

Rush Limbaugh, who is known for being outspoken, uncivilized, and not fit company for anybody, excepting inbred trailer parkers in Cape Girardeau, Missouri, recently opened his mouth and poured out a load of spew in the direction of Sandra Fluke, who is far more of a gentleman than Limbaugh will ever be.
This in connection with her reproductive and non-reproductive rights, and pursuant his own distaste for sexual activities, irrespective of whether he's involved in any way or not.
The terms he used proved him a cretin.

Right thinking people on both sides of the aisle were appalled at the cad.
But, seeing as the Republicans have embraced the vermin within, and are determined to bring America back to the dark-ages with their assault on women's reproductive rights, and given that so many Neanderthals actually vote for the rabid fringe of the G.O.P., it may be worthwhile to detail here how women can avoid getting pregnant.
In case the Repubs succeed in making both birth-control and abortion a thing of the past, as they are determined to do.

YOUR BODY, YOUR CHOICES;
YOUR RIGHT TO NON-REPRODUCTION

The first step, of course, is to avoid having congress with Rush Limbaugh.
Believe me, there is no reason why anybody should go there.
EXCEPT for teapartiers and trailerparkers.
From Cape Girardeau.


THE FERTILE CYCLE

Let us assume that your period happened on the first of March. Today is the third day of your flow, cramping may last for a few more days, or it might even be over tomorrow (Sunday March 4).
Maybe by Monday the 5th of March, Tuesday at the latest. 
Ideally, you can engage in non-stop passionate behaviour for most of the next week. 
From Sunday around tea-time till very early Friday morning. 
March 4, 2012.  March 9, 2012.

MOSTLY SAFE: days 1 - 8 since start of menses.
GETTING RISKY: days 9 - 11 after start.
EXTREMELY RISKY: days 12 - 17.
STILL RISKY: days 18 - 22.
MOSTLY SAFE: days 23 - 28.

Immediately following menstruation there is little risk of pregnancy, as the fertile phase usually doesn't kick into gear until about ten days after the beginning of the menses - March tenth, in this case.
Generally speaking by the ninth or tenth unprotected sex starts being iffy, and from the eleventh day to the twenty first - during which time you are probably at your most lovable best - unprotected sex is out of the question.
Pregnancy is most likely to result on the fourteenth through the sixteenth day, but there can be considerable variance, and there is no sense in taking a gamble.
Fertility can sometimes start as early as the tenth day, or as late as the third week after the start of the last menstrual period.

If your cycle is regular, and assuming that you are not experiencing stress or health issues at present, you can jump your boyfriend up until the ninth, and then tackle him again by the twenty third. For the approximately two weeks in between, IF the crazies have banned condoms, you should not have intercourse.
Restrain yourself. 

The safest time to make love is probably during the first four days after the cessation of your flow, as well as in the last four days before it happens again. You will probably notice that it is getting close to that time of month because your body craves a big BIG bucket of fried chicken, with ranch dressing.
Deliciously crisp and juicy deep-fried chicken.
Or there may be some other sign.

If, thirteen or fourteen days after your last menstrual period began, you feel insanely beautiful and desirable, that very likely means you are at your very peak of fertility. Hot hot hot.
You probably ARE insanely beautiful and desirable at that time.
So precautions are definitely highly recommended.
Either rubbers, or a cold shower.
Avoid lace and silk.

For sexually active women, common sense and discrimination are always essential.
No matter that your boy friend or husband is a decent man.

A condom prevents many sexually transmitted diseases as well as pregnancy.
Spermicidal gels lower the chances of fertilization somewhat.
Nothing in the world alleviates Limbaugh.


AFTER THOUGHT

I sincerely apologize for mentioning Rush Limbaugh in connection with your love-life. Really, he has NO business being there.  Not in anybody's love-life.
It's quite an imposition, and I'm truly sorry if you find it distasteful or odd.
But you see, he brought it up, and he chose to vent his poisonous opinion-sludge about such matters.

With only a modicum of planning, Rush Limbaugh should never actually know of it.
Despite his unseemly fascination with things that do not concern him.
Such as wombs, ovaries, cervix-uteri, and vaginae.
As well as ova, tissues, membranes.

Even if you do go for a tell-tale BIG bucket of fried chicken.
With a ton of ranch dressing.

==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================