Yesterday's post about a stuffed animal in my apartment gloating about having snagged my favourite sweater prompted one reader to suggest that I am not dealing well with reality.
If that's true, I am in good company.
The reception desk at the office is occupied by a turtle.
A large plush turtle, with a happy grin.
Wearing a sombrero.
I can assure you that the turtle is certainly not dealing well with reality. His choice of headgear is pure wishful thinking, and is a style statement which leaves a lot to be desired.
It is very objectionable.
For one thing, the San Francisco climate requires hats for warmth, not shade. So a gay sun-blocker, such as a sombrero, is rather less than useless. We haven't seen the sun in days, and it seldom ever gets warm enough to justify a straw hat.
If it got warm enough, he's already naked anyway - you cannot buy clothes that would suit a turtle, probably because they (turtles) come in many more sizes as humans, but there are so few of them they do not form a profitable demographic - and therefore he would be already suited to the temperature. One of us might have to borrow his sombrero.
Although, if I had a choice between nudity and a tacky Chevys birthday sombrero, I would choose to be naked.
The presence of a sombrero on the premises suggests that undress might come to pass.
Nobody wants to see that.
Whether or not I wore the sombrero.
The sombrero is the problem, it has got to go.
I own a lovely dark blue gangster fedora with a broad brim, which is perfect for incidental nakedness.
But hell will freeze over ere I bring it in to the office, no matter the occasion.
That turtle would probably be jealous. He looks the type.
We do NOT need a hat fight between a naked middle aged man and a turtle.
It may even be against company policy.
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A DUMPSTER FIRE OF TWITTERY
Often while at work I get to hear the sour old dingbats in the backroom spouting Republican drivel and venom. Which does not leave me positi...
1 comment:
You must work in a very strange place.
It sounds like you're the perfect man for the job, though.
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