VEGEMITE: SEDUCTIVELY APPETIZING SPREAD, AUSTRALIAN MIRACLE FOOD, AND WOMBAT REPELLENT
I think it was meant to be frankly erotic, but as I glanced only fleetingly at it while cruising the internet, I am not entirely sure.
"She stepped through the door carrying a wombat..."
That immediately sets the tale in Australia.
I wonder what type of wombat - there are three kinds:
The common wombat - Vombatus ursinus
The Northern hairy-nosed wombat - Lasiorhinus krefftii
The Southern hairy-nosed wombat - Lasiorhinus latifrons
But it doesn't really matter. All three are foul-tempered and unpleasant creatures, which when fully grown can be dangerous, besides smelling bad. So it must have been a juvenile wombat. Additionally, the wombat is a fairly useless thing - they aren't edible, and attempts to raise them for dairy, if attempted, have almost certainly come to naught - and even the fur is unpleasant, shaggy, and coarse. Juveniles, of course, have softer fur.
So the only reasonable supposition is that she was carrying a baby wombat for the sheer sensual experience of doing so.
Small, cuddly, and fuzzy.
I'll assume also that she was nude.
What does a warm animal feel like against the skin?
There are good reasons NOT to be unclothed around cats and dogs. Yes, cat pelt feels wonderful, but they have claws. Dogs tend to be forward.
Both can bite when disconcerted.
Smaller animals are better. A pet squirrel, for instance, or a rabbit.
Better yet, a bear skin rug. No behavioural problems at all, completely clean, and guaranteed soft.
Fur, nakedness, and a selection of delicious pastries.
See, that's the main reason why I didn't bother reading the Australian erotic fiction referenced above.
A grumpy beast, a sun-freckled leathery outback woman, and very likely vegemite.
Nothing I want to ever be a part of involves vegemite.
Vegemite also doesn't keep wombats away, so it's pretty much useless.
I will tolerate erotic writing that includes fur, lovely silky skin, cleanliness, and warmth.
But not wombats, Australians, or quasi-vegetable byproducts of very dubious edibility.
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