SINGLES IN THE CITY

Immensely cheering news! It turns out there are women out there who don't have a clue!
The other evening I was enjoying my pipe nice and quietly at the cigar bar when a bridal shower came in.
Out of over a dozen women, ONE was getting married.
The others were skeep out of luck.

No, none of them were my type. These were professional women. Law personell, office managers, and high-level secretarial slash management types. Mid-twenties to mid-thirties, unmarried, unattached.
They were all looking for boy-friend material of the low to mid six figure variety.
And lamenting the horrible absence of same.
This city sucks. Sucks!


Ladies, my piles bleed for you.
I overheard you talking.  You want a kind considerate man who is well-read and cultured, likes going out to eat, has calm habits and good taste, and isn't into sports or drinking beer on Sunday.

Problem is, you also want him to buy you a house. As well as vacations in Cancun and a beemer.
I've looked at you, as well as heard you, so I am wondering what on earth you have to offer him.
Carefully plucked eye-brows.Well-chosen expensive designer shmatte. Foundation and rouge.
And a keen interest in shoes, handbags, diamonds, and frippy crap.
With a vocabulary that isn't very impressive.

Combined with a sneering distaste for the male of the species.
The beer-swilling gut-scratching sportsfiend male.
Insensitive and not rich. Ergo unworthy.

However, if there are any men out there who meet your list of requirements, they might do well to avoid you like the plague. You are yourselves as shallow as you think most men to be.
The one or two junior-level office-bitches among you - why you even included them, seeing as they'll never earn as much as you, or aspire to as high-quality husband material - were if possible even more toxic and intolerable. I've worked with people like them (as well as your type), and given the lack of any stimulating interests or conversational abilities, the only thing they're suited for is your amorous hand-me-downs.

Some of my friends have told me that there are many unattached women out there who are looking for boyfriends. I'm sure that was meant reassuringly. But after exposure to you ladies, I am taking it as a warning.
I would rather remain alone for the rest of my life than hook up with your type.
You're empty.


THE POTENTIAL DATING SCENE

Many single women in downtown San Francisco are superficial snobs looking for a free ride and a sugar daddy. Or leastways, a man who will attend to their whimsies.
There are so many of them, they've muddied the waters.
It's a carnivorous mating frenzy, all snapping jaws!
Oh horrors, they've awoken the beer-drinkers!

Real people should head to quieter streams, where the thrashing tails aren't stirring up the chum. 

Women who actually have a functioning brain--complex women, curious women, witty women -- have probably given up on ever finding a companion in SF, male or female, and are simply buying books and doing crossword puzzles.

One might get the impression from exposure to the denizens of the financial district that relationships are only about sex, handbags, and various luxury products and services. Which would explain the overdone hair and make-up, and the tweezed eyebrows, as well as the vacuous expressions.
On both the attached and the unattached.
The 'professionals'.

Eyebrows, handbags, make-up, shoes, and frip!

Ye gods!

Many people of this class ceased reading entirely upon graduating college, their "education" serving merely to put them in a higher-priced group of potential partners of convenience.
Conversationally there's nothing there.
Ethically, nearly as little.
Or not even.

If those bridal-shower girls were indicative in any way of the contemporary singles scene, monasticism would not be just a goofy choice but an utterly rational alternative.
For both rational genders.

I'm feeling a lot better now.
Thank you, ladies.


Good luck shopping for clothes and eye shadow while he drinks beer and watches the game.


Oh, and my congratulations to the lucky bride. 
I hope some day she finds happiness.
And a much nicer handbag.


Not much she can do about the eyebrows, unfortunately.


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