PLEASE STOP SHAKING YOUR WATTLES
That being two gentlemen who have joined the regularly scheduled and rigidly planned anarchist protest every Monday.
I know what the anarchists are demonstrating against - police forces, commuters, and garbage cans.
What baffles me entirely is the motivations for the two nudists. What do they oppose?
I think it's fabric.
As you, dear reader, know, I am a very open minded man.
And I am incredibly in favour of nekkid - especially steaming hot or adorably cute nekkid - and I think there should be a lot more of it! Really, nekkid has IMMENSE appeal, and I can think of several people whom I would dearly love to see far less clothed. Undoubtedly you can too.
A complete absence of even a stitch can be an altogether marvelous thing.
However, there's a time and a place for it.
I limit my own nudity to small private gatherings of one person - myself.
Usually sometime between brushing my teeth and taking a bath.
Not that I would refuse the company of someone else if the right person came along, you understand, but disseminating my own nakedness too publicly just isn't a very good idea.
I like to think of it as a treat for the select few.
BUT HOW EVER!
'Naked man on Market Street when everyone else is clothed' = bad idea.
'Naked man wearing colourful feathers pinned to his rump among many men similarly plumed' = good idea.
Most people will instinctively shy away from free-lance nudes.
Anarcho-exhibitionism is the perfect example of unwanted intimacy. The less like a cute young woman or bowl of fruit you are, the better you look with a sufficiency of fabric. It's an inverse relationship: Christina Ricci or Maggie Cheung would probably look fine wearing something small or nothing at all, whereas Larry Flynt or Hugh Heffner are quite dressed best when fully dressed.
You do NOT want to see them swanning around in the buff.
Public exposure just isn't desirable.
But it is a potent diet-aid.
There are now several hundred people who didn't eat last night, as their appetite was off.
Guys, some people really shouldn't exhibit themselves. Trust me.
It's not just a matter of being suitably garbed for the occasion, though that is a large part of it.
It's about esthetics.
The less fresh and lively you are, the greater the chance of droop.
Gravity is a bitch.
Your chin may still be firm, but you could have double chins that are nowhere near your face.
Many of them.
Children, teenagers, and bright young ladies can sometimes get away with incidental exposure. Even reasonably trim people of either gender in their late twenties or early thirties - especially if they have a nice smile.
Buffed black athletes always look good stark naked.
That's just the way it is.
White guys, however, must be cautious. Especially when they are no longer wiry and active.
What your wife or your big gay stallion of a boy friend finds charming in the apartment or during the Folsom Street Fair may not be nearly as appealing to the rest of us.
Not at rush hour.
Not walking down the street in only shoes.
Not with a tight leather strap tied around your shaved scrotum for effect.
It kind of distracts from whatever cause you are promoting.
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