At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

NO HAIR, NO PANTIES

I think I've finally figured out why men and women don't get along. Men are from right here on planet earth, women are from a very strange place.
We're not speaking the same language.

A man will say "I like being with you". What it means is that he likes being with her. Simple, and straightforward.
That's not something a woman will say. To a woman, the phrase "I like being with you" can only mean "I want to get into your panties". And seeing as most men don't have panties, saying it to a man just doesn't compute.
The subcontext of that sentence, or any other sentence expressing good natured pleasure in her company, can in her mind only refer to panties.
Hers, specifically. Contents of. The.
Instead, a women will make some remark about her hair. Or cheerily offer that puce really suits her.

Um.

Okay.

I like being with you, but I have NO clue what you're on about.


In actual fact, I don't really like being with women.
Well, most women.
Most women are stark-raving batshit.

Why do they talk about hair?

If I were a barber, OR a creepy fetishist, the discussion would thrill me.
The percentage of such people among the general population cannot be large enough to encourage that conversational motif.
Not as a social gambit, not as a survival mechanism.

Would it encourage interaction if I said I had panties too?

Not that I do, mind you, but I'm quite willing to go out and buy them if that means we can actually talk.
Cute panties.
I'll even share them.
No boast, but I think I have good taste in panties.
Over the years I've devoted considerable thought to that subject, but unless you bring it up, I shan't mention them.
It will remain my secret.
That's why I say things like "I like being with you". If you didn't mention your hair, or the colour puce, we might move on to other things, like "hey, how about going to get something to eat", or "wanna see a movie?".
Telling me that you're thinking about dying your hair puce, however, is distinctly a non-starter. It doesn't suggest any further exchange.
Really, what am I to follow that with?


Dear reader, if you were a woman, what would you want me to say?
Brilliant suggestions are welcome.
Feedback, please.
Talk to me.


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1 Comments:

  • At 10:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Think if it as plumage. Hair, for women, is a big deal. Same with clothes. Unlike body shape, say, or facial features, hair and clothes can be changed with little difficulty and women unhappy with the attention they're receiving will focus their efforts on these things first.

    "I like being with you" is a typical male expression of side-by-side camaraderie, a casual association that could as easily apply to friendship. A woman isn't necessarily happy with this -- she wants to be more than just a companion, she wants to be the focus of your attention. So when a woman talks about her hair, it really means "pay attention to me." It's an attempt to redirect your focus from the usual ruminations on tobacco or books or food.

     

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