LITTLE SISTERS AND WARM WHITE GLOOP

Question: what is both a euphemism for a mysterious part of the female anatomy, AND a traditional good luck expression?
Hint: No, it isn't a yiddishism!
Further hint: Despite the magnificent vulgarity of his tongue twixt the lips of a Rotterdam dockworker, it isn't a Dutch expression either.


蠔豉 HO SI!
The noble dried oyster, beloved by Cantonese. It sounds the same as 'great success' or 'good affairs' (好事), and consequently has excellent connotations.
To the febrile mind it looks like .........!
And consequently has excellent connotations.

I shall not spell out what it looks like. We need not go there. Cantonese are earthy.

The imagery is quite startling when an angry woman snaps it at 'not-her-friend' on Grant Avenue.

反你嘅蠔豉 FAAN NEI-GE HO-SI!!!
["Return your dried oyster!"]

You need to know that 'fan' (反, 返 to return, return to, restore) is commonly used in Cantonese to express rejection of something, or even disappetizement. In that latter sense, the connotations of the first character (反) are apposite: inside-out, upside-down, topsy-turvy, rebellious, contrary........

What the old lady hollered was the equivalent of 'up yours, bitch!'

I mention all this for two reasons. The first being that I reread the Song of Songs yesterday evening, which is just chock-full of euphemisms. Apples. Heaps of wheat. Winecups. Cedars. Pomegranates. Clusters of grapes, vineyards, gardens, flowerbeds. Bushes, walls, door-holes, fingers dripping with myrh. Pillars. Young deer. Oh boy.
To the febrile mind these seem like ........... We need not go there.

Her brothers were quite clearly oblivious while their sweet little sister matured into one HOT young thing - "we have a little sister, who hath no breasts; what shall we do for our sister on the day that she will be spoken for".

Dudes! Her breast are like towers! You guys blind or what?


The second reason is that I made a large pot of jook (粥 congee) to eat. And it was very good.

For each cup of washed rice take twelve cups liquid, of which some should certainly be good chicken stock. Add a slice or two of fresh ginger. Bring to a boil, turn low, and simmer for a few hours, stirring frequently to prevent sticking or scorching. The goal is to reduce the rice to a gruel, the grains having almost entirely lost their individuation at that point. You need to judge for yourself whether you want it thick or thin - I prefer my jook a little thin, so I added more liquid.

To flavour it, in the last hour I added dried oysters (蠔豉), lahp cheung (臘腸 Chinese sausage), dried mushrooms (香菇 heung gu, 冬菇 dong gu, or in Japanese: 椎茸), and a very mild pinch of this and that.
Plus the merest hint of soy sauce - it should not even colour the soup.

Ho-si and dried mushrooms need to be soaked ere use - warm water speeds up the process but may wash out some flavour. Cold water with a pinch of sugar is best, about an hour. Rinse to remove any grit or crud, then slice. Both of these ingredients are affordable even at higher qualities, both have a pleasant density of texture.
Lahp cheung needs no soaking, but removing the casing becomes much easier if you blanch it with water just under boiling. About a dozen dried oysters and mushrooms, two lahp cheung.

When serving, add a little chopped scallion, some finely minced ginger, and a drizzle of sesame oil (麻油 ma yau).
Some hot buttered toast on the side is a splendid idea.

What makes jook so appealing is that it is comfort food. Smooth on the tongue, gentle on the stomach, unpretentious, satisfying. Warm happy gloop.
Also, it is perfect for a wet day - I started cooking in the morning, while it was steadily coming down. By the time I finished, the rain had stopped entirely.
It must have worked, eh?


AFTERTHOUGHT

Hmmmmmm. Ho si. The Song of Songs. Fertile euphemisms. Lahp cheung. Rain. Simmering.
I guess in one sense, it was all about sex. But also entirely not.
We need not go there.



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