ZOMBIE JESUS DOESN’T TOUCH HIMSELF!

The title is self-explanatory. Think of this expression as the mating display of a particularly filthy bird – it attracts attention, and no matter how much the eye wants to pull away it cannot. The mental image of a half-decomposed zombie with a golden aura, studiously avoiding his own putrefying flesh, is ……… a remarkably religious experience!

The very epitome of saintliness, in fact. Comforting. And wholesome.


I am not Zombie Jesus. This post, consequently, is more than a little bit masturbatory.


Now that I have your complete attention, here's a sampling of recent comments left under this blog. Some by me, some by my readers (few of whom come here for the corpses). Go ahead and speculate on the nature of my readers, and what rich inner lives they and I have.


1. September 1, 2010.
"I doubt that the living dead could metabolize alcohol efficiently. Given that many of their body functions would have shut down due to them being, technically, deceased, alcohol would probably go straight through to the intestines and kill the complex flora and fauna needed to digest complex proteins such as brain matter, necks, shoulders, arms, guts, or goo."

2. August 26, 2010.
"My roommate installed a clock in our bathroom, which I find baffling. If there is one place in the house where time is irrelevant....."

3. August 19, 2010.
"Of course they're puffing themselves: that's their job."

4. August 13, 2010
"Or, as described in the hitchhiker's guide, "New York City in the fall smells as if someone has been frying a goat in it" And yes, I do know that quote from memory."

5. August 5, 2010.
"Well, you ARE a weird white man. I will give you that. Cootch bucket, eh?"

6. July 30, 2010.
"Oh, you'd be surprised how many people that offends, on all sides."

7. July 27, 2010.
"Maybe they could move in with the ops department from your work."

8. July 18, 2010.
"Don't they realize how truly anachronistic they are?"

9. June 30, 2010.
"I would like to think that the colony of raccoons would be sharing their church with a colony of bats."


And, because Atboth's law states that the longer a comment string continues, the greater is the chance of a Monty Python reference being thrown into the fray.....

10. June 24, 2010.
"People called 'Romanes' they go the house!"


See, in a way these ten quotes are an entire discussion which makes just as much sense contra-chronologically as it does in the order given.
We've all had such conversations........

If you're really lucky it isn't all in your head.

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NOTE: This post is dedicated to the voters of the Delaware Tea Party, and the Republican they have chosen to represent them as their candidate in November: Christine O'Donnell. Who is FOR the dear lord, and AGAINST masturbation.
No doubt she would be a far happier person if she was FOR masturbation, and she would almost certainly not have ended up the winner of the Republican Senatorial primary if the voters of Delaware had unequivocally been AGAINST it.
Bless them all.


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