DATING A CIGAR SMOKER

While enjoying a pipe-full near the wall recently, I listened in on two cigar smokers who also congregate there. Many of the cigar and pipe smokers in the business district will end up at that spot sometime during the day - we need a place of for ourselves where the rabid earthmoms and anti-smoking freaks won't hound us, and we rather like each others' company.
It's a natural behavioural pattern.

Except that cigar smokers are deviants.

The younger one mentioned that it took an awful lot of texting to get some girl to go out with him. His fingers were getting tired, and he hadn't even gotten to first base yet!

If he ever gets beyond first base, he's in for a nasty shock.

Still, just kissing is quite nice too.

The older, and presumably wiser, cigar smoker observed that in his day, people used alcohol. "Introduce her to Martinis - if she demurs, just tell her you'll order her a SMALL one (heh!). Go on, just try it! "
Turns out the sweet little miss in question is a Vegan, healthy, into keeping bad things out of her body, and probably doesn't drink at all.

Now, the question that comes to mind is why then did she even agree to go out on a date with this young man? Even if he has good points, surely he himself qualifies as the ultimate bad thing........ Just about filled with nicotineous substances, probably reeking of Central American leaf, a walking repository of tars! Ick!
His mere touch probably raises welts on the skin.
Psychosomatic, to be sure, but nevertheless very real and painful.

She sounded like quite a handful. The older cigar smoker opined that the Martini method was still so much better, or whiskey, or a few Brandy Alexanders........

[Brandy Alexander: One part Brandy, one part dark Crème de Cacao, one part cream. Shake over ice, strain into a cocktail glass (I use champagne glasses), and garnish with a sprinkling of grated nutmeg.]


NASTY BOYS

Now here's where cigar smoker deviance comes in: the younger smoker wondered about the effect of booze on the frontal lobe, the older one indicated that it would likely override the ability to consider the consequences of one's acts, OR suppress certain societally conditioned responses, and both cigar smokers then rather gleefully speculated on the myriad possibilities this opened up.


GETTING ALL THE WRONG IDEAS

The first thing I thought is that after a drinkie she would give in to a long-buried urge and order a steak. The biggest beefsteak on the menu. Nicely aged and marbled, oozing hot juices, seared on the outside but still pink within, glistening warmly and brownly on fine ivory-hued porcelain..... the appetizing perfume of grilled meat, flickering candlelight, polished table-silver, sparkling crystal reflecting gleaming dark eyes...........
A slow languorous dinner in the dark comforting bosom of a fine restaurant (I know just the place), lovingly pampered by an attentive wait-staff who sincerely want a nice young lady to be happy.

Such a lovely image, don't you agree?

Really, I hate to disappoint you. That's NOT what they meant.

I have good reason to suspect that those two felt that a first date should go from picking her up at her front door straight to a cigarette.
Or, in this case, a cigar.
I heard them talking!
They even mentioned skin temperature. And velvet. Flame.
Cigar smokers are such deviants!
Ick!

Take it from me - we pipesmokers are better than that.
Instead of dull and slumped over, we prefer our dates to be bright, lively, and wide awake.


AFTERTHOUGHT

The idea of using alcohol to lower a young lady's resistance has zero personal appeal. Most mistakes that people make are fuelled by alcohol, and if you are too potted to really know what you are doing, you shouldn't be doing it. Any type of emotional involvement should be based on sensible behaviour and due consideration.
There will be far fewer regrets that way.

Of course, IF young ladies ALWAYS thought things through, calmly considered the pros and cons, analyzed the likelihood of emotional satisfaction versus the odds of potential unpleasantness or complications, and then engaged upon a mutually beneficial relationship with a mature gentleman, which might possibly include various athletic actions and conditions by and from both sides (to be specified and detailed during in-depth discussion during the pre-commitment phase), the vast majority of males in this world would never stand a chance.

It's quite a quandary.
Somehow I don't think texting is really the solution, however. Tzarich iyun.

==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================