BLACK VAMPIRE JESUS ATE MY CAT!

However it is comforting to know that he respects dead whores.
You can thank two people for this.

On Midianite Manna, I discovered a youtube video of someone reading aloud from a blogpost by ‘The Bloggess’.

[VIDEO: Declamatory Jesus, and the count of vagina ]


Yes, thank both of them.

They told me to write "black vampire JESUS ate my cat" which is something I really wasn’t ready to admit, obviously – for one thing, he’s black, and as a sensitive person living in the SF Bay Area I am aware that black people are as gentle and nurturing as anybody else.
As are vampires ('the sanguinarily sustained').
And Jesuses (or is that ‘Jesii’?) too.

It hurts that someone who is so intrinsically likeable would EAT my cat.
He should’ve had tofu and wheatgrass instead, but he’s a vampire.
The point is, I was in a state of denial. About the cat.
And the dead whores ("bankcrypt nightshift").
But mostly about Jesus AND the cat.


What, you’ve never heard of The Bloggess?

Poor you.

In a post back in January of last year, she listed the Jesus-related Google searches that led readers to her blog.

Number one was "why is Jesus not a zombie?"



Now, given that Midianite Manna has already embraced the prospect of misguided people visiting her blog by naming today's post 'Why is Jesus not a Zombie?', even if I wanted to jump on that bandwagon, I'd be honour-bound not to Bogart her. That would be opportunistic, and rather tacky.
So, just second best - "Jesus likes squirrels" - or something even lower down the list.

Problem is, I don't settle for second best. Hence the totally unique title of my post.
And I'm not an opportunist either - I want NO visits from misguided people.
I just have a dead cat.
Sorry, 'had'.



Jesus is eyeing my squirrel.
Bad Jesus.