Pursuant yesterday's post, which was entitled 'naughty round heads', a friend in Israel sent me the following:
Security Warning!
Attempting to access a web site that violates organizational policy!
The URL http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/ was blocked, it is in the Restricted Pornography category.
Frankly, I'm baffled. I am not pornography, honest! I do not even know how to embed pictures!
Was it the mention of round heads? I assure you no heads were shown, round, naughty, or otherwise.
"The internet exists for six things: kitten pictures, recipes, salacious imagery, slamming Israel, talking about space aliens, and bad grammar."
Nor were any acts of a pornographic nature even described. I expressly clarified that pornography was NOT the subject of that post, and avoided mentioning in ANY way the kissy lipped short, round-headed brunettes with delicate hands, dark sparkling eyes, and smooth clear skin, that are the objects of so much teenage male fantasy.
ME, SMUT?!?
Yes, I did mention camels. To be precise, underage camels, with "sleek well-muscled hindquarters", naughty naughty racing camels, with "nicely veined haunches" and deep deep eyes. But that was, errrrrrrrm, a metaphor. It was meant symbolically. As a literary device.
What people might do to those camels was in no way even suggested.
And for the record, there was NO mention AT ALL of mares, heifers, reflex ovulators, does, bitches, broodhens, dolphins of either gender........
No whips, chains, restraint devices, cuffs, leather straps, giant rubber objects, balloons, flexible plastic pants, clysters, tarpaulins, buckets of vanilla pudding, itch powder, olive oil.......
WHIPPING CREAM!
It was probably one of my cleanest posts yet, and I'm offended that some illiterate firewall overseas decided, entirely on its electronic own, to label my casual literary efforts as 'pornography'!
Such a fierce and unwarranted critique!
Feh!
This blog is about many things - matters edible, aesthetic, linguistic, and political - but it is not about SEX.
Well, not often.
Feel free to read all the way back to the beginning to see if you can spot more than half a dozen mentions of congress or plastic wrap.
Please consider that a challenge.
On the other hand, if you want to print me out, rub me all over your shapely body, and send me the video of your lovely self doing that, I shall be more than happy to review it for artistic and titillatory qualities.
If you are youngish, shorter than me, and round headed, with dark hair and sparkly eyes, so much the better.
I am not interested in camels.
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2 comments:
tobacco porn perhaps, but that's about the extent of it
Moose. Had to be. Some people have dirty minds.
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