Yesterday's post was not suitable for students at a Modern-Orthodox middle school. This per reader Telmac in a comment. It took me several hours to understand why. Was it the mention of a stomach? Skin hair? The suggestions of anthropomorphic totemism?
Then it hit me - I had said that my significant other and I were in bed reading.
In bed! Together! Which must mean sex! Sexuality is implied! Gasp!
No wonder that post was problematic.
Very well then, today's post will NOT be objectionable in any way.
SEBUM
Despite Savage Kitten's fiercely voiced repulsion, sebum is a wondrous substance. Without sebum, our lives would be drier and far less smooth. Sebum is blessed.
Think in terms of the following lipid content: 41% triglycerides, 25% wax monoesters, 16% free fatty acids, and 14% squalene.
That, really, is all you need to know about sebum.
CHILES AND TOBACCO
There are times when smells produced by this blogger drive Savage Kitten out of the room. Often these are either from my full-bodied pipe tobacco, or my cooking.
Good strong smells - why she flees from them is baffling.
Yesterday evening I wished to dine on albondigas en chile verde. So I rolled some lovely fatty meatballs, and set about preparing the chile verde sauce. This necessitated fire-roasting several green peppers and cleaning them. The capsaicin (8-methyl-N-vanillyl-6-nonenamide) thus rendered gaseous drove her coughing and hacking out of the kitchen.
Sorry. Smells good to me, though.
Half an hour later, the aroma of bubbling chile sauce, as well as the grilling meatballs, lured her back in, nose twitching. Once the sauce started to reach the right thickness and oleagenous appearance (slick, and having a glossy sheen, due to the vegetable matter softening and breaking into a smooth pulpy state), I started cooking rice. Savage Kitten's nose continued twitching, and she told me about her day - something having to do with the database program at work. When the rice was parboiled, I drained it and placed it over boiling water to steam.
Then I lit up a pipe. She promptly fled.
Sorry. Smells good to me, though.
She had already eaten, so I enjoyed my albondigas en chile verde by myself. Chile peppers have a strange effect on me, which may be unique - I have never heard of anyone else experiencing it. If the peppers are nice and hot, I feel a sharp sting in my back. The sensation of a warm prickle in the mouth will be accompanied by a fiery heat-stabbing just below my right shoulder-blade, near the spine.
Which is precisely where the sebaceous cyst is. That being a deposit of keratins and lipids enclosed subdermally.
Due to its size and location, I often refer to it as "my evil twin Skippy, who is growing out of my back". Skippy is about the size of a silver dollar. Skippy responds to capsaicin in food.
I don't know why. It just happens. It's weird.
Feel the burn, oooh baby. Skippy is happy.
Later I was scratching an itchy spot on my back. This would not be remarkable, and you would never even wish to know, but I need to report that my evil twin Skippy seems to have lost his head.
Sebum apparently also drives Savage Kitten out of the room.
Who knew?
Savage Kitten decided to sleep in her own bed last night. She didn't say why. Maybe it's because I twitch when I sleep, or something. Sometimes her actions are baffling.
She lit one of the truly strong sticks of incense - resinous and spicy, snow-pear and a touch of eagle wood from Indo-China.
I could smell the whisps drifting over from her room for several hours - a penetrating fragrance that keeps out evil.
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No innocent middle-school students were harmed in the making of this post.
Whether or not they are now psychologically scarred is a different matter.
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NOTE I: Skippy also responds enthusiastically to good pipe tobacco. Which too is strange.
NOTE II: From Wikipedia: "Another common and effective method of treatment involves placement of a heat-pad directly on the cyst for about fifteen minutes, twice daily, for about 10 days (depending on size and location of the cyst). "
That's good information to have, don't you agree?
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THE TURKEYS
If you do your research assiduously, you can discover lots of evidence that American families are completely dysfunctional and consist of tr...
9 comments:
Chiles... (there's never an "i" at the end of the word "chile"-- that's a Texas/Gringo thing, to spell this wondrous fruit with an "i" at the end: blasphemy at its most blatant)... are something about which I know (and love). I grew up in New Mexico, the home of all good American chiles. At New Mexico State University in Las Cruces, there's the Chile Pepper Institute and they developed new strains of delicious New Mexico chiles, such as the Big Jim and the Sandia and the hottest of them all: the New Mexico version of the Naga Jolokia, originally from India.
New Mexico chiles cover a range from not-hot to killer-hot (over 1,000,000 Scoville Units). To put that into English, a Sweet Bell Pepper has zero Scovile Units; a Medium-hot Jalapeno has 2,000 Scoville Units; an Orange Habanero has 150,000 Scoville Units; New Mexico's version of the Naga Jolokia is over 1,000,000 Scoville Units. Yowza!
Now, it's not just the heat, itself, that distinguishes New Mexico chiles-- it's the aroma and the flavor. In September, chile roasting time, you can smell the villages and towns before you can see them-- a full, delicious aroma that makes one's mouth water. A smell one remembers forever. Other New Mexico smells one never forgets, include winter fireplaces burning pinon and cedar wood on a crisp night.
Hatch, in southern New Mexico, is the chile capitol of the US and the Labor Day chile festivals are not to be missed (as good as the State Fair in Albuquerque, that overlaps chile-roasting season). The best cuisine, however, is to be found in Northern New Mexico, from Santa Fe and upwards to the Colorado border. Grown in the south, cooked in the north... Yummm!
Fortunately, fresh and frozen and canned/bottled (if you must) chiles are available via the internet from New Mexico. Just say "Hatch" and you can't go wrong.
Good Northern New Mexico food is to be found only in Northern New Mexico; I learned that years ago. In fact, I had to learn to cook Northern New Mexico style because I missed the cuisine so much. It's quite labor-intensive, but the rewards are ecstatic.
Bob
Wallah, that is hardly any more suitable! What are you thinking, bhai?
---Grant Greaseforpeace
Crappahola, I had forgotten about your comment moderation, you undemocratic ponce. I want instant gratification, and I want it NOW!
---Grant Angriparsi
Chiles? My kinda fruit.
---Grant Hotpants
Well, I'm glad I had finished my lunch before reading this. And that's probably all I should say.
Although skippy is as evil as he is, he is like you in several respects: he like spicy food, good pipe tabacco, and spits out pus when unwannted persons enter the area.
Basically, what the perverted pantithief is fanilly admitting, is that he has a stinky back.
This is Igor, my lucky cheeselump - he has lived on my back for four years now. Sya hi, Igor. Wave.
---Grant Doctorbombay
I regret to point out to you that mentioning SK sleeping in her own bed would seem to imply that on occasion she sleeps in yours; once again, you have trodden on the delicate sensibilities of M-O JHS (or MS) scholars.
You, sir, are a grease-backed ponce. And it is as the Greek fellah says - an outing of the factotum that the two of you, of opposite genders, sleep together. Two opposing genders in one bed can ONLY mean one thing! You are betrayed!
---Grant Edippy
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