At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

THE RACCOON POST

This post is a corollary to Dovbear’s raccoon post (see here: http://dovbear.blogspot.com/2007/08/raccoon-club-judaism.html).
His, however, uses raccoons as a metaphor.
Mine is not nearly so deep.
It is just about raccoons.



THE RACCOON SONG

Eating all the crud down at the dump,

I'm a raccooon!
Breaking into homes and stealing all the stuff,

I'm a raccooon!

Wearing my mask, yay!
Looking like a bear, yay!
Wearing my mask and looking like a bear, I'm a raccooon!!


Washing some fish and washing some fish,

I'm a raccoooon!
Operating at night and getting bit by dogs,

I'm a raccoooon!

Wearing my mask, yay!
Looking like a bear, yay!
Wearing my mask and looking like a bear, I'm a raccoooon!!


With my Davy Crockett cap and my coon skin coat,

I'm a raccooooon!
Don't trust me with your favorite stuff,

I'm a raccooooon!

Wearing my mask, yay!
Looking like a bear, yay!
Wearing my mask and looking like a bear, I'm a raccooooon!!


Written by John Swartzwelder
Performed by Jan Hobson & Her Bad Review

[It has been described as "jaw-droppingly awful". It's worth listening to, just for the education. It can be found here: http://www.audiodile.com/ . Scroll down to 'Raccoon Legs'.]

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The International Order Of The Friendly Sons Of The Raccoonhttp://freemasonry.bcy.ca/fiction/fraternities/raccoons.html
[From The Honeymooners, a television show of note.]

Club songs:


Alma Mater
From the hallowed streets of Greenpernt,
To the shores of Sheepshead Bay,
From the Verrazano Narrows,
To Canarsie across the way...
We have come together, one and all,
In fellowship to commune,
And to glorify the Grand Exalted
Brotherhood of Raccoons. [Howl]
Marching song
In the West and in the East
There’s a mighty little beast
For courage there is no other.
When the chips are all at stake
We are proud to call him brother.
So with our noble tails entwined
And a spirit strong of mind
We'll have hearts that cannot melt.
In the forest, in the trees
On the land or seven seas
We're brothers under the pelt.
Raccoons, the noble Raccoons!


Funny hats and silly songs are what it's all about.
Just go to any ball game and look around you.

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Ah, the first cup of coffee in the morning. It smells like napalm. It's fiery breath courses through my veins and makes me wish for a bushy tail and a garbage can.

There's no free association. Everybody pays.

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On a different note, Warren Burstein opines that you should send left-over tsholnt to starving children in Africa, and it seems he may know someone who kisses their boyfriend's tzitzit because she really wanted to wear them herself but was told not to.

Additionally, he says that tefillin are kinda phallic. Which reminds me of a strap-on scene involving a busty blonde in the Comedy Central series Reno 911. I now have a mental picture that is giving me the giggles, and I will almost certainly have disquieting dreams tonight. Thanks, Warren.

Halfnutcase states that tefillin cases are symbolic of a womb and the umbilical cord. Which you strap onto your head and arm. This far from improves the mental picture, alas. No help whatsoever.

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10 Comments:

  • At 9:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What? No recipes for raccoon?
    Don't you know we only come here for the recipes?

    I'll help out:

    1 lb Sweet potatoes; cooked and mashed
    1/2 c Raisins
    1 c Bread crumbs
    2 Apples; peeled and chopped
    1/4 c Butter; melted (or margarine, if you're adverse to mixing milk and meat- on the other hand, if you are adverse to eating milk and meat, you probably won't be eating raccoon)
    Salt and pepper to taste
    4 lb To 5 raccoon (fresh is best- if using dead on road raccoon, remove gravel and ground in dirt carefully)

    First make the stuffing; mix together all ingredients until blended. Wash raccoon meat thoroughly and dry with a cloth.(You know enough to take the fur off first, don't you? Don't you?) Salt the inside. Stuff gently with the sweet potato mixture and sew opening shut with a running stitch. If company is coming, use embroidery ribbon and close with a french knot. Bake at 325°. for about 3 hours. When half done, turn over so all sides will brown.

    Tasty with Ketjap Manis, too.
    Isn't everything?
    No, I'm not signing my name to this!

     
  • At 11:26 PM, Blogger Spiros said…

    Re: Raccoons
    Has it ever occured to you that you may have WAY too much time on your hands.
    Re: Anonymous comment
    If you wish to remain anonymous, you need to change your prose style.

     
  • At 9:15 AM, Blogger Jack's Shack said…

    Don't forget to sing Rocky Raccoon.

     
  • At 9:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sorry, BOTH, for hijacking your blog into a personal dialog, but I'm sooo curious:

    Ok, Spiros, just WHO do you think I am, since I have no idea who you are, and frankly, I'm not so sure of who I am either? I don't blog, and rarely comment, so I'm quite curious...

    Fondly,
    Anonymous commentator

     
  • At 12:14 PM, Blogger Spiros said…

    Apologies...
    You bear an uncanny resemblance to a certain BOTH.

     
  • At 1:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Spiros: "You bear an uncanny resemblance to a certain BOTH."

    Anonymous Commentor: Having actually met BOTH on several occassions, I can attest to that fact that aside from some vaguely humanoid shared features (2 eyes, 2 arms, 2 legs, all that) there is no resemblance.
    Anonymous Commentator is a nice Jewish girl from Queens, BOTH is a snarky non- Jewish...oh, never mind....no matter what I say, I'll get grief over it.
    So, Spiros. Whats YOUR favorite part of the raccoon?

     
  • At 2:16 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Tawk amongst yaselves, Ahm furklempt....

    Hee hee hee.

     
  • At 3:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "Tawk amongst yaselves"

    Nah. Too rude. And you know me...I'm all about good manners.

    So, BOTH: Whats your favorite part of the raccoon?

    Fondly,
    Vaguely Humanoid anonymous commentator

     
  • At 1:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yup, it reminds me of the folks back in the mountains that used to go down to the state highway with a snow shovel to scoop up something for Thanks giving Dinner.

     
  • At 2:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Bar-B-Q'd Raccoon


    ~ 4 - 6 lb. raccoon, cut into serving pieces
    ~ 1 cup red wine
    ~ 2 onions, sliced
    ~ 3 bay leaves
    ~ 1 tbsp salt
    ~ 1 tsp pepper
    ~ 3 cloves garlic, sliced
    ~ 2 cups of your favorite barbecue sauce
    ~ 1 tbsp paprika

    Place the raccoon pieces in a large pan. Add the wine, onions, bay leaves, salt, pepper and garlic. Add enough water to cover the meat.

    Bring to a boil. Cover and simmer for 1 hour.

    After 1 hour, remove the meat and drain. Place the raccoon in a greased baking dish. Mix the barbecue sauce and paprika together and pour over the meat.

    Cook at 325 degrees for 50 - 60 minutes.

    Serve and Enjoy!

     

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