The Bray of Fundie writes:
Mein Tayaerh Shaigatz, BOTH
For you tarfus is old hat and hence-off-putting but for us it is irresistably taboo.
Ahl yomar adma ee efshi b'bsar khazir elah efshi bah, umah e'eseh v'harey asra Torah = "One shouldn't say 'I can't stand swine-flesh' rather they should say 'I wouldn't mind it but what can I do? as the Torah forbids it'".
Pursuant thereto, the most surreal experience this weekend was a long conversation with two orthodox Jewish teenagers about lobster.
Humane killing versus the absolute imperative to maintain presentability - does it look aesthetically pleasing when plated? Is freezing a slow death? Is headfirst into the boiling water an immediate death? Is parsley as a garnish really necessary? Cholov-Yisroel melted butter?
Seeing as they both keep strictly kosher, it did not really relate to their lives.
One of them held that aesthetic considerations trumped ethics in this case - the net result is still a dead giant sea-cockroach, but if you're gonna eat it, it has to look good. He defended this point of view passionately.
THE FELINE AND THE LOBSTER
The subject of lobster came up because of an offer to Savage Kitten. In response to the so-manieth plaintive cry that "I haven't had a LOBSTER in soooo loooong!", I told her that if she bought one, I would pay for it - but fercrapssake, go buy it.
Like many Cantonese American females, she believes that an anguished wail is a subtle hint. Whenever she is gloomy, the thought of lobster warms her heart. In that I am better at buying lobster in Chinatown, she feels that doing so is my task. Hint hint hint. Loud operatic moan of despair and angst. Dramatic kretch. Oh woe!
[One should not wait for assistance but reach into tank, extract the startled crustacean, and call out to the shopkeeper "wei, lo-pan, ngoh yiu mai ni-go, kei do chien ah?" (Oy, boss-man, I wanna buy this one, how much?) Honestly, doesn't she realize that chutzpah is the way to get the best lobster? Be assertive, woman! Be brazen! Be more Cantonese!]
I believed, when I left the house on Sunday, that I would return to a Cantonese person filled with lobster and happily watching the jewelry channel on teevee. Not so. She had a cold, and instead made a big pot of chicken-oyster-noodle soup and went to bed.
The offer is open-ended, however. If she buys the darn thing, I'll pay for it. After all, she is the person who will cook it, and she is the person who will eat it. The only involvement I intend to have with the lobster once it's in the house is to remove the rubber bands on the claws and plunge it in the pot before it can nip me a good one.
Oh, and perhaps naming it while it scurries around the sink waiting for the pot to boil.
["Hello there, Dr. Zoidberg, are you being usefull, and are you having a wonderfull time? Good!"]
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Appendix:
Doctor John D. Zoidberg is a fictional lobster-like alien from the planet Decapod 10 in the television series Futurama. He works as the company doctor for Planet Express, even though he knows nothing about human biology.
[see Wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._Zoidberg]
Doctor Zoidberg and Apu Nahasapeemapetilon are two of my favourite animated characters. They have a lot in common with each other other, and almost nothing in common with Meg Griffin - who is probably the hottest two dimensional mamma ever. Oooweee!
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THEIR NATURAL HABITAT
There are more dogs in this neighborhood than children. One very rarely sees people walking their children outside when one is, hypothetical...
5 comments:
Mnay BTs tell me that the toughest part of accepting kashrus was not giving up pork ham or cheeseburgers but giving up seafood.
The idea of giving up (certain) seafood is one of the things that makes it nearly impossible for Cantonese people to even think of becoming Jewish.
One might say that communal eating, family-style dining, eating with friends, social eating - that all of these qualify as mitzvos to the Cantonese. Becoming Jewish would mean turning one's back on everyone they are involved with - all friends, all relatives, all kin groups and social networks. For members of such a clannish society that is nearly impossible.
The mitzva of social eating supercedes whatever limitations the individual may have regarding food. Even vegetarians have a very hard time (and some very meaty dishes have names that punningly are lucky or positive sounding - not eating them if they're on the table means that you do not wish "all family happy", "long life and blessing", "many sons and grandsons", "longevity and good fortune", and such like, for the other people at the table.
Refusing to eat socially is even worse - the worst thing you can tell a Cantonese person is 'sik tzi-kei ge' - eat alone!
And, just as in Jewish thought, a joyous occasion or celebration pretty much requires that there be meat.
and wine
>to even think of becoming Jewish.
You mean anything to the right of Reform...
I must demur with your assessment of two-dimensional pulchritude; Dr. Katz' secretary Laura is the hottest babe in cartoonland.
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