Some of the very best pizza in the city is served at Brindisi right on the corner of Belden Place and Pine Street. And, mirabile factu, it is conveniently close to the only commercial establishment in San Francisco where you can still smoke indoors, in peace, without rabid tofu-snarfing wheatgerm heads or venomously self-righteous Berkeley earthmoms and moondads chivying you.
Delicious crust. That's the key.
Like most Americans, I fiddle with my food. As a nation, we are seldom satisfied with cooked edibles as they are, and instinctively wish to tinker with what another person has produced. That is why everyone adds condiments to their hamburgers, glops the sauces all over their Southern-fried varmint, and adds another pickle to a perfect salad.
Darn the genius of the chef, we seem to say, we're gonna up the ante.
Consequently, many European food-professionals hate us.
There is none of the passivity they expect.
"Moo" is not in our vocabulary.
Disobedient Yanks.
Though tempted, there is nothing I wish to add to Brindisi's pizza. It is perfect the way it is. Have it with a glass of wine. Enjoy the ambiance. Leave a generous tip.
Then repeat.
The very idea of asking for a bowl of ranch dressing in which to dip the crust is sheer heresy, and I would advise against it. Ranch dressing on pizza is an abomination, and was probably invented by a European.
Or someone from Berkeley.
Some people use ranch dressing on everything.
Yep, that white gloop makes it good!
Fried foods with ranch?
Nutritious!
Ranch Dressing has the reputation that it's a healthier alternative to Mayonnaise, because it uses buttermilk and sour cream. Which begs the shwerre question why tzatziki and raita aren't vastly more popular.
Both of these contain fresh herbs and good wholesome yoghurt.
Surely all you butterfly-minded food nuts like that?
Nice pure white stuff! With green stuff!
Humbug, I say. There's nothing finer than mayonnaise. It's a divine gift to all of Northern Europe. They consume big buckets of it. They must know something over there that we don't; they even use it on fries!
What could be more American than French fries?
French fries with remoulade, that's what.
Heck, anything with remoulade.
Even pizza crust.
FERAL BACHELOR'S ZESTY REMOULADE
2 cups mayonnaise.
4 TBS good olive oil.
4 TBS Heinz Chili Sauce.
4 TBS ketchup.
2 TBS of Sriracha Sauce.
2 TBS Dijon Mustard.
1 TBS Worcestershire sauce.
1 TBS finely minced scallion or onion.
1 Tsp. minced garlic.
½ Tsp. ground coriander seed.
½ Tsp. freshly cracked black pepper.
½ Tsp. salt (*).
Pinch of sugar.
The juice of one lime.
A dash of Tabasco.
Optional: one mashed anchovy fillet.
[*If you use anchovy, omit the half teaspoon of salt.]
Mash the anchovy and garlic thoroughly in a blending bowl, then whisk all ingredients fiercely together. Can be stored in the refrigerator, and used on virtually everything.
If you are British, put it on your deep-fried Mars bar, or that Haggis burger you picked up at the chippy.
It's also killer with peeled shrimp, and oyster po'boys. Plus onion rings, fried mushrooms, and fish.
Herring.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
OTTERS AND KAPUSNIYAK: REDEEMING CYBERSPACE
This blogger has long maintained that the main purpose of the internet, as shown by usage statistics, is to disseminate cute kitten pictures, pornography, and recipes. Which is an assertion easily put to the test. Just enter anything into your search bar, and see what comes up.
Within mere moments, you are looking at a smorgasbord of smut, Hello Kitty, and Russian cabbage recipes hosted by someone named Olga, whose only clothing appears to be a Hello Kitty Bra & Pantie set.
She's a very large woman. Possibly because of all that cabbage.
Paranoid too. Her favourite blogs make this clear.
Both Susan Duclos and Pamela G.
Seriously weird.
Naturally, having said that, you would expect me to be one man standing against a veritable storm-tide of dreck, cute, and naked.
Resilient in the face of cabbage.
Resolute.
Which I am. I manfully resist all temptation.
I am immune.
Well, actually I'm just mighty picky about temptation. If Olga were one hundred and forty pounds lighter, fifteen years younger, and had a face that radiated a brilliant snarky intelligence, or any intelligence at all, I'd probably visit her cabbage and pornography site on a regular basis. Instead of once every six months, when I have a yen for Kitty bras and kapusniyak.
Yep. Cute pictures. Hefty filth. And cabbage.
That's the internet completely.
Appalling.
So, without further ado, here's an animal photo I could not resist.
EEEEEEEEEEEP!
[I do not know who took the picture. I copied it from Benyamin Blatt's page, who got it from Art Jonak. So I can't source it, or give proper credit where it's due. But whoever took the photo has charming animal friends.]
KAPUSNIYAK
Cabbage soup from the New Frontier, which is a place that Lithuanians, Poles, and Ruthenians fought over, in, and on. For several centuries. Food is fuel, food is a fortress, food is the soul.
Half pound sauerkraut (kislaya kapusta), slightly drained.
Half of a head of white cabbage, finely shredded.
One onion, chopped.
Two carrots, peeled and diced.
Two stalks celery, diced.
Two potatoes, peeled and diced.
One pound pork ribs.
Half a pound smoked sausage, chopped.
Six to eight cups clear stock.
Three TBS tomato paste.
Three cloves garlic, minced.
Two Tsp sugar.
Two Tsp paprika.
Two to four TBS finely minced parsley.
And plenty of cilantro, if you live in SF.
Otherwise it's optional.
Brown the ribs and smoked sausage in some rendered fat, and remove to a plate. Then sauté the onion, celery, and carrot in the pot, with the garlic, till nicely gilded and fragrant. Stir in the tomato paste, and add everything else except the parsley and cilantro. Bring to a boil, lower the flame, and simmer for about an hour and a half, two hours.
Remove the pork ribs from the soup with cooking tongs, and strip the meat from the bones. Discard the bones, chop the meat and return it to the soup. Add a few grinds of pepper, and serve in individual bowls with the parsley and cilantro strewn over.
Serves four.
Have some chili peppers and a bowl of sour cream (smetana) on the table for them as wants, along with a fresh loaf of crusty bread.
NOTE: I always add caraway seeds (kimil) to cabbage dishes (kroitn, kapusti) when preparing such. But that may not be your thing.
[½ teaspoon for this recipe.]
If you want, you can imagine eating this with an otter and her whelp also sitting at the table with you. They probably have smaller bowls.
Please don't think of Hello Kitty, however.
Hello Kitty is just nasty.
FURTHER NOTE: Four years ago was when I last made kapusniyak. That was when Savage Kitten and this blogger still had a relationship thing going on. No, cabbage soup was NOT why it ended.
I haven't made cabbage soup since then.
There is no connection between cabbage soup and relationships, even though a very large Slavic woman named Olga fondly thinks so. Any link between cabbage soup and matters of the heart is purely imaginary, slightly depraved even. However, if it pleases you to dream about those two things on the same page, by all means go for it.
Food, ALWAYS, is a fit subject for sensuality.
Eating together is something fun.
Even cabbage soup.
It's very good.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Within mere moments, you are looking at a smorgasbord of smut, Hello Kitty, and Russian cabbage recipes hosted by someone named Olga, whose only clothing appears to be a Hello Kitty Bra & Pantie set.
She's a very large woman. Possibly because of all that cabbage.
Paranoid too. Her favourite blogs make this clear.
Both Susan Duclos and Pamela G.
Seriously weird.
Naturally, having said that, you would expect me to be one man standing against a veritable storm-tide of dreck, cute, and naked.
Resilient in the face of cabbage.
Resolute.
Which I am. I manfully resist all temptation.
I am immune.
Well, actually I'm just mighty picky about temptation. If Olga were one hundred and forty pounds lighter, fifteen years younger, and had a face that radiated a brilliant snarky intelligence, or any intelligence at all, I'd probably visit her cabbage and pornography site on a regular basis. Instead of once every six months, when I have a yen for Kitty bras and kapusniyak.
Yep. Cute pictures. Hefty filth. And cabbage.
That's the internet completely.
Appalling.
So, without further ado, here's an animal photo I could not resist.
EEEEEEEEEEEP!
[I do not know who took the picture. I copied it from Benyamin Blatt's page, who got it from Art Jonak. So I can't source it, or give proper credit where it's due. But whoever took the photo has charming animal friends.]
KAPUSNIYAK
Cabbage soup from the New Frontier, which is a place that Lithuanians, Poles, and Ruthenians fought over, in, and on. For several centuries. Food is fuel, food is a fortress, food is the soul.
Half pound sauerkraut (kislaya kapusta), slightly drained.
Half of a head of white cabbage, finely shredded.
One onion, chopped.
Two carrots, peeled and diced.
Two stalks celery, diced.
Two potatoes, peeled and diced.
One pound pork ribs.
Half a pound smoked sausage, chopped.
Six to eight cups clear stock.
Three TBS tomato paste.
Three cloves garlic, minced.
Two Tsp sugar.
Two Tsp paprika.
Two to four TBS finely minced parsley.
And plenty of cilantro, if you live in SF.
Otherwise it's optional.
Brown the ribs and smoked sausage in some rendered fat, and remove to a plate. Then sauté the onion, celery, and carrot in the pot, with the garlic, till nicely gilded and fragrant. Stir in the tomato paste, and add everything else except the parsley and cilantro. Bring to a boil, lower the flame, and simmer for about an hour and a half, two hours.
Remove the pork ribs from the soup with cooking tongs, and strip the meat from the bones. Discard the bones, chop the meat and return it to the soup. Add a few grinds of pepper, and serve in individual bowls with the parsley and cilantro strewn over.
Serves four.
Have some chili peppers and a bowl of sour cream (smetana) on the table for them as wants, along with a fresh loaf of crusty bread.
NOTE: I always add caraway seeds (kimil) to cabbage dishes (kroitn, kapusti) when preparing such. But that may not be your thing.
[½ teaspoon for this recipe.]
If you want, you can imagine eating this with an otter and her whelp also sitting at the table with you. They probably have smaller bowls.
Please don't think of Hello Kitty, however.
Hello Kitty is just nasty.
FURTHER NOTE: Four years ago was when I last made kapusniyak. That was when Savage Kitten and this blogger still had a relationship thing going on. No, cabbage soup was NOT why it ended.
I haven't made cabbage soup since then.
There is no connection between cabbage soup and relationships, even though a very large Slavic woman named Olga fondly thinks so. Any link between cabbage soup and matters of the heart is purely imaginary, slightly depraved even. However, if it pleases you to dream about those two things on the same page, by all means go for it.
Food, ALWAYS, is a fit subject for sensuality.
Eating together is something fun.
Even cabbage soup.
It's very good.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Thursday, January 09, 2014
EXCEPTIONAL LADIES SHOES!
They turned the corner, and headed in my direction. The little girl was skipping. As they passed, I heard her say "but these are SPECIAL shoes". Now, normally when I hear a female person mentioning footwear, I cringe.
I know too much about Michael Kors, Prada, Jimmy Choo, Louboutin, Sigerson Morrison, Manolo Blahnik.......
But this little lady was wearing sneakers.
Comfy looking PINK sneakers.
Well, mostly pink. But there was also some white and red. They looked very stylish. And clearly they made her happy. As I said, she was skipping. Her footwear gave her vim, and the fact that it was both comfortable AND pretty must have added an extra dimension.
Proper arch support, and unlike pumps, no strain on the back.
More women should wear pink sneakers.
They'd be much happier.
Her shiny black pigtails bobbed wildly as she hopped along. So did her bang. She was a very beautiful little person, but maybe it was just her sheer joy at wearing her SPECIAL shoes that made her so. Clearly her parents loved her, why else would they give her something so nice?
Something that made her so radiant?
The majority of older girls -- adult women -- are rarely as pleased with decent footwear. Instead, the mature single woman yearns for Prada, Blahnik, and Choo. And you NEVER see them skipping.
Grown-up women are, usually, bitterly cynical.
Which is a tragic state of affairs.
They lack special shoes.
Poor them.
I stopped to watch the family as they receded into the distance. The little girl was still bouncing when they turned onto Jackson Street.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
I know too much about Michael Kors, Prada, Jimmy Choo, Louboutin, Sigerson Morrison, Manolo Blahnik.......
But this little lady was wearing sneakers.
Comfy looking PINK sneakers.
Well, mostly pink. But there was also some white and red. They looked very stylish. And clearly they made her happy. As I said, she was skipping. Her footwear gave her vim, and the fact that it was both comfortable AND pretty must have added an extra dimension.
Proper arch support, and unlike pumps, no strain on the back.
More women should wear pink sneakers.
They'd be much happier.
Her shiny black pigtails bobbed wildly as she hopped along. So did her bang. She was a very beautiful little person, but maybe it was just her sheer joy at wearing her SPECIAL shoes that made her so. Clearly her parents loved her, why else would they give her something so nice?
Something that made her so radiant?
The majority of older girls -- adult women -- are rarely as pleased with decent footwear. Instead, the mature single woman yearns for Prada, Blahnik, and Choo. And you NEVER see them skipping.
Grown-up women are, usually, bitterly cynical.
Which is a tragic state of affairs.
They lack special shoes.
Poor them.
I stopped to watch the family as they receded into the distance. The little girl was still bouncing when they turned onto Jackson Street.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Wednesday, January 08, 2014
CHINESE NEW YEAR: LEI SI (利事), FAMILY DINNER (年夜飯), AND HAPPY WISHES (吉祥話)
In another three weeks it will be Chinese New Year, which is on Friday January 31 in 2014. This event entails a bit of preparation. If you are Chinese, you will have paid off your debts, cleaned the house (年廿八，洗邋遢 'nin yaa baat, sai laa taat' - "on the 28th. day scrub out the trash"), bought new clothes to be worn on that day, and started preparing little red packets of leisi (利是 'lucky money') for younger kin-folk, friends' kids, business associates, and favoured customers.
You are calculating all the leisi in advance, because it is so important, and it will require careful thought and financial planning.
There cannot be any mistake or oversight.
利是 (利事)，紅包。
LEI SI, HONG BAU
[The red envelope.]
The monetary amount will be carefully graduated. Your unmarried kin get more -- much more -- than the children of your friends or junior business associates. And favoured customers will likely only get a token amount, just enough to buy them some shots of whiskey.
The money should always be an even number, because odd sums are associated with the mollificatory envelope given to guests at funerals. For similar good-luck reasons, four is to be avoided (sound like death), and eight is very appropriate (sounds like striking it rich).
You must also prepare many incidental packets for spur of the moment gifting; a single ten or a twenty dollar bill is actually quite common in Chinatown, so is a five. Anything else should be two crisp bills.
If you slipped in a fifty or hundred, no one would complain.
The nominal purpose of the red packets is to spread joy and make sure only happy and propitious things are said.
But there is an undercurrent to the act which could be of equal weight.
Especially in families, where leisi is a serious affair.
Money, of course, is power. But money is ALSO a message. What you could be telling your adult unmarried offspring by handing over the packet of cash is: "why aren't you married yet yes I understand that you can't seem to find any one who actually likes you enough to do something stupid we might have to find you someone or bribe the local orphanage please graduate from college first and for crapsakes do something with your life idiot." This is a complicated and nuanced statement; it may require quite a bit of moolah.
The only thing you might actually voice is 學業進步 ('hok yip chün pou'; "achieve progress in your studies"). Their muttered response could be 龍馬精神 ('lung maa jing san'; "may you have the vim of a dragon or a horse"), which wishes the older person a longer and more energetic life.
The leisi for everyone else simply says: "you are younger than me".
Along with "be happy, please don't say anything unlucky".
And: "I would like you to have a good year".
If the recipient is actually older, but NOT married, it still says that they are younger.
It goes without saying that employees should be given leisi, in addition to any bonuses that are their due, such as an entire month's salary, so that they too can fulfill their obligations at this crucial time.
Withholding salaries is an extremely bad idea.
So is absconding with the cash box.
Though not unheard of
年卅晚
NIN SAA MAAN
[The thirtieth evening.]
Possible the most important thing to do, however, is celebrate New Year's Eve with family. Train stations and airports will be jammed, scenes of utter madness and chaos, as hundreds of thousands of migrant workers and middle-class people posted to distant provinces scramble to get home before that night. And home, often, is either the village from which the clan originated, or the place where the most senior members of the family live. Couples who haven't seen each other all year because they work in different cities are desperate to meet again, and spend time together. College students will return, if possible -- difficult in the United States, where Lunar New Year is scarcely known -- and overseas relatives might plan to spend a few weeks 'down on the farm' (返鄉下 'fan heung haa') in the old country, if finances permit.
The new year's eve dinner (年夜飯 'nin ye faan') is immense, so that everyone can start off the year satisfied, but also so that there will be enough food left over that no cooking at all needs to be done on the first day, when lighting fires and running water is considered bad luck.
Essential dishes will include a whole steamed fish, because the word for fish sounds the same as 'surplus' (魚 'yü'; 餘 'yü'), as in the phrase "nin nin yau yü" (年年有餘 "may there be a surplus every year", OR "may there be a yearly surplus").
A whole chicken, usually plain poached or boiled, then perhaps brushed with sesame oil, is also served, which is suitable as an altar offering, and often there will be a roast duck alongside, because the combination of those two symbolizes a happy couple and a harmonious household.
Another dish which is popular is Luo Han Chai (羅漢齋 'lo hon chai'), a vegetarian hutchepot which combines bamboo shoots (竹筍 'juk suen'), beancurd sheet (腐竹 'fu juk'), black mushrooms (冬菇 'dong gu'), carrots (紅蘿蔔 'hong lo baak'), bean thread noodles (粉絲 'fan si'), dried golden needle lily (金針 'kam jam'), gingko nut kernels (白果 'baak gwo'), lotus seeds (蓮子 'lin ji'), water chestnuts (馬蹄 'maa tai'), small cabbages (白菜 'baak choi'), soaked black wood ear fungus (木耳 'muk yi'), and fried wheat gluten lumps (炸麵筋 'jaa min gan').
The ingredients are added according to their required cooking time, the broth includes yellow rice wine (黃酒 'wong jau') and soy sauce (豉油 'si yau'), but rarely garlic (蒜頭 'suen tau') or ginger (薑 'geung'), which are not really acceptable according to Buddhists. Utter heretics would also add fresh shrimp (鮮蝦 'sin haa'), dried oysters (蠔豉 'ho si'), oyster sauce (蠔油 'ho yau'), and any other vegetables that strike their fancy, or even pork.
Mmmmm, pork!
Luo Han Chai is brought to the table in a casserole, from which dinners help themselves. Sharing food like this is an embodiment of both fortuity and family togetherness. For the same reason, instead of luo han chai, a sumptuous hotpot may be featured.
If Dried Oyster and Hair Moss is NOT served as a separate dish, then the hair vegetable will be added to the Luo Han Chai.
Dried Oysters and Hair Moss (蠔豉髮菜 'ho si fat choi') is a traditional preparation which sounds particularly lucky in Cantonese, being a phrase wishing everyone good business affairs and prosperity (好事發財 'ho si fat choi'). The dried oysters are rehumidified, then stewed with braised fatty pork, with stock, wine, and hair vegetable (髮菜 nostoc flagelliforme) added in a fairly small quantity, just enough to clearly demonstrate its presence.
Recipes for 好事發財 can be found by clicking this link:
dried oysters with black moss.
Further essential dishes are assorted meats in a savoury sauce, something with vegetables that are round or circular when sliced (mushrooms or carrots), one or two dishes with luxurious ingredients such as sea cucumber or fish maw, and anything with a red or orange hue.
White vegetables must probably be avoided.
Because white is an unhappy colour.
Dumplings (餃 'gaau'), which are reminiscent of gold ingots (a traditional good fortune design) are also a very good idea, but if you are Cantonese you might prefer to eat them the next day, along with such snackity things as year cake (年糕 'nin gou'), turnip cake (蘿蔔糕 'lo baak gou'), and others.
Melon seeds, fresh citrus fruits (lucky colours!), and a selection of old-fashioned candies (particularly those made of lotus root, because of its connotations) are also important.
吉祥話
GAT CHEUNG WA
[Good wishes.]
It's not just about money and foods. One important aspect of the entire fifteen day festival is what comes out of your mouth. What you say may cause bad luck, and to avoid even the chance of maladicta jinxing the year, many businesses will be closed for at least one day, often several, upon the start of the celebration.
In addition, several phrases are so ingrained that people will utter them automatically, sometimes without thinking, but never the less very sincerely meant.
Here is a good selection to start; you might want to internalize these sentences:
新年進步 San nin chuen bo: New year advances and progress.
心想事成 Sam seung si sing: Hearts desires become complete.
富貴長春 Fu gwai cheung chun: Wealth, honour, and a long spring.
年年有餘 Nin nin yau yü; Year after year surplus.
新年快樂 San nin faai lok: New year happiness; happy new year.
新年大吉 San nin taai gat: New year greatly fortunate; be lucky this year.
歲歲平安 Seui seui ping on: Year after year peace and safety.
生意興隆 Sang yi hing lung: Business prosperity.
萬事如意 Maan si yü yi: All your aspirations be fulfilled.
身體健康 San tai gin hong: physical health.
長命百歲 Cheung ming baak seui: Long life one hundred years.
闔家全福 Hap gaa chuen fuk: Entire family complete happiness.
五福齊天 Ng fuk jai tin: five good fortunes equal to heaven.
五福臨門 Ng fuk lin mun: five good fortunes approaching the gate.
吉慶多福 Gat hing do fuk: Auspicious happiness much good fortune.
舉家歡樂 Geui gaa fun lok: Entire family joyous.
福疊富貴 Fuk daap fuk kwai: Fortune upon wealth and honour.
福壽如意 Fuk sou yü yi: Good fortune, longevity, and all desires.
福如東海 Fuk yü tung hoi: Good fortune as vast as the ocean.
福壽雙全 Fuk sou seung chün: Good fortune and longevity both complete.
If all else fails, you can always fall back on "gung hey fat choi" (恭喜發財). It's more of a congratulatory phrase than a new year wish, but it works.
'Reverent happiness and get rich'.
We all want that.
年節, 過年, 春節, 農曆年初一～十五
NIN JIT, GWO NIN, CHÜN JIT, NUNG LIK NIN CHO YAT DAU SAP NG
[The annual event, passing the year, Spring festival, agricultural calendar year beginning one through fifteen.]
1. The first day of the new year is 元旦 ('yuen daan'; perfect dawn). It begins at midnight, and setting off fireworks is a traditional way to scare away any evil or ill-fortune, besides scaring the bejayzus out of recent immigrants to the city from the Midwest. Then you light incense at the family altars, and welcome the protective deities of heaven and earth. Buddhists will not eat meat on this day. Relatives visit each other, and everyone honours the most senior members of the family.
2. The second day officially "opens" the year (開年 'hoi nin'), and married women pay their respects to blood kin, especially their parents. In Hong Kong, a representative of the government is sent to the Che Kong Temple (車公廟) to get the city's fortune for the year read.
3. The third day (赤口 'chek hou'; crimson gullet) is a lousy day for visiting people,but an excellent time to burn offerings and set celebratory fires.
5. The fifth day is the birthday of the God of Wealth (財神 'choi san'). It's good to pay your respects to him, as well as to Lord Guan (關羽、 關公、 關二哥; 'gwan yü', 'gwan gong', 'gwan yi go').
Make noise, set off firecrackers.
7. On the seventh day, don't eat meat. There's a Buddhist reason.
8. On the eighth, have a celebratory dinner for your family or employees, and mark the birthday of the ruler of heaven (天公 'tin gong'). Which is actually tomorrow.
9. Ruler of heaven. See number eight.
13. Buddhists will avoid meat again on the thirteenth day, and businesses will pay reverence to Lord Guan, in the hope that he will look out for them in the coming year.
15. The fifteenth day of New Year is the Lantern Festival, which marks the end of the festivities.
後記 HOU KEI
[Afterword.]
Things you should avoid at all costs immediately after the year has begun because they are symbolically bad luck include saying negative stuff, speaking of disease or death, criticizing other people, sweeping or house-cleaning, throwing stuff away, and running the water excessively. In fact, try not to let any water at all go down the drain on the first day or two, as water stands in for wealth.
If you are white, none of this applies to you.
So don't get your knickers in a twist.
Just make sure they're clean.
And, perhaps, new.
Final note: wash your hair sometime on the last day before new year, as you should not bathe on the first day. Plus get your hair cut beforehand.
And you might want to leave the house just before midnight for a quick smoke outside, so that you are the first person to enter in the new year.
Also prop the broom upside down against the front door.
It scares away thieves and burglars.
Or so I've heard.
恭賀新禧
Gung ho san hei.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
You are calculating all the leisi in advance, because it is so important, and it will require careful thought and financial planning.
There cannot be any mistake or oversight.
利是 (利事)，紅包。
LEI SI, HONG BAU
[The red envelope.]
The monetary amount will be carefully graduated. Your unmarried kin get more -- much more -- than the children of your friends or junior business associates. And favoured customers will likely only get a token amount, just enough to buy them some shots of whiskey.
The money should always be an even number, because odd sums are associated with the mollificatory envelope given to guests at funerals. For similar good-luck reasons, four is to be avoided (sound like death), and eight is very appropriate (sounds like striking it rich).
You must also prepare many incidental packets for spur of the moment gifting; a single ten or a twenty dollar bill is actually quite common in Chinatown, so is a five. Anything else should be two crisp bills.
If you slipped in a fifty or hundred, no one would complain.
The nominal purpose of the red packets is to spread joy and make sure only happy and propitious things are said.
But there is an undercurrent to the act which could be of equal weight.
Especially in families, where leisi is a serious affair.
Money, of course, is power. But money is ALSO a message. What you could be telling your adult unmarried offspring by handing over the packet of cash is: "why aren't you married yet yes I understand that you can't seem to find any one who actually likes you enough to do something stupid we might have to find you someone or bribe the local orphanage please graduate from college first and for crapsakes do something with your life idiot." This is a complicated and nuanced statement; it may require quite a bit of moolah.
The only thing you might actually voice is 學業進步 ('hok yip chün pou'; "achieve progress in your studies"). Their muttered response could be 龍馬精神 ('lung maa jing san'; "may you have the vim of a dragon or a horse"), which wishes the older person a longer and more energetic life.
The leisi for everyone else simply says: "you are younger than me".
Along with "be happy, please don't say anything unlucky".
And: "I would like you to have a good year".
If the recipient is actually older, but NOT married, it still says that they are younger.
It goes without saying that employees should be given leisi, in addition to any bonuses that are their due, such as an entire month's salary, so that they too can fulfill their obligations at this crucial time.
Withholding salaries is an extremely bad idea.
So is absconding with the cash box.
Though not unheard of
年卅晚
NIN SAA MAAN
[The thirtieth evening.]
Possible the most important thing to do, however, is celebrate New Year's Eve with family. Train stations and airports will be jammed, scenes of utter madness and chaos, as hundreds of thousands of migrant workers and middle-class people posted to distant provinces scramble to get home before that night. And home, often, is either the village from which the clan originated, or the place where the most senior members of the family live. Couples who haven't seen each other all year because they work in different cities are desperate to meet again, and spend time together. College students will return, if possible -- difficult in the United States, where Lunar New Year is scarcely known -- and overseas relatives might plan to spend a few weeks 'down on the farm' (返鄉下 'fan heung haa') in the old country, if finances permit.
The new year's eve dinner (年夜飯 'nin ye faan') is immense, so that everyone can start off the year satisfied, but also so that there will be enough food left over that no cooking at all needs to be done on the first day, when lighting fires and running water is considered bad luck.
Essential dishes will include a whole steamed fish, because the word for fish sounds the same as 'surplus' (魚 'yü'; 餘 'yü'), as in the phrase "nin nin yau yü" (年年有餘 "may there be a surplus every year", OR "may there be a yearly surplus").
A whole chicken, usually plain poached or boiled, then perhaps brushed with sesame oil, is also served, which is suitable as an altar offering, and often there will be a roast duck alongside, because the combination of those two symbolizes a happy couple and a harmonious household.
Another dish which is popular is Luo Han Chai (羅漢齋 'lo hon chai'), a vegetarian hutchepot which combines bamboo shoots (竹筍 'juk suen'), beancurd sheet (腐竹 'fu juk'), black mushrooms (冬菇 'dong gu'), carrots (紅蘿蔔 'hong lo baak'), bean thread noodles (粉絲 'fan si'), dried golden needle lily (金針 'kam jam'), gingko nut kernels (白果 'baak gwo'), lotus seeds (蓮子 'lin ji'), water chestnuts (馬蹄 'maa tai'), small cabbages (白菜 'baak choi'), soaked black wood ear fungus (木耳 'muk yi'), and fried wheat gluten lumps (炸麵筋 'jaa min gan').
The ingredients are added according to their required cooking time, the broth includes yellow rice wine (黃酒 'wong jau') and soy sauce (豉油 'si yau'), but rarely garlic (蒜頭 'suen tau') or ginger (薑 'geung'), which are not really acceptable according to Buddhists. Utter heretics would also add fresh shrimp (鮮蝦 'sin haa'), dried oysters (蠔豉 'ho si'), oyster sauce (蠔油 'ho yau'), and any other vegetables that strike their fancy, or even pork.
Mmmmm, pork!
Luo Han Chai is brought to the table in a casserole, from which dinners help themselves. Sharing food like this is an embodiment of both fortuity and family togetherness. For the same reason, instead of luo han chai, a sumptuous hotpot may be featured.
If Dried Oyster and Hair Moss is NOT served as a separate dish, then the hair vegetable will be added to the Luo Han Chai.
Dried Oysters and Hair Moss (蠔豉髮菜 'ho si fat choi') is a traditional preparation which sounds particularly lucky in Cantonese, being a phrase wishing everyone good business affairs and prosperity (好事發財 'ho si fat choi'). The dried oysters are rehumidified, then stewed with braised fatty pork, with stock, wine, and hair vegetable (髮菜 nostoc flagelliforme) added in a fairly small quantity, just enough to clearly demonstrate its presence.
Recipes for 好事發財 can be found by clicking this link:
dried oysters with black moss.
Further essential dishes are assorted meats in a savoury sauce, something with vegetables that are round or circular when sliced (mushrooms or carrots), one or two dishes with luxurious ingredients such as sea cucumber or fish maw, and anything with a red or orange hue.
White vegetables must probably be avoided.
Because white is an unhappy colour.
Dumplings (餃 'gaau'), which are reminiscent of gold ingots (a traditional good fortune design) are also a very good idea, but if you are Cantonese you might prefer to eat them the next day, along with such snackity things as year cake (年糕 'nin gou'), turnip cake (蘿蔔糕 'lo baak gou'), and others.
Melon seeds, fresh citrus fruits (lucky colours!), and a selection of old-fashioned candies (particularly those made of lotus root, because of its connotations) are also important.
吉祥話
GAT CHEUNG WA
[Good wishes.]
It's not just about money and foods. One important aspect of the entire fifteen day festival is what comes out of your mouth. What you say may cause bad luck, and to avoid even the chance of maladicta jinxing the year, many businesses will be closed for at least one day, often several, upon the start of the celebration.
In addition, several phrases are so ingrained that people will utter them automatically, sometimes without thinking, but never the less very sincerely meant.
Here is a good selection to start; you might want to internalize these sentences:
新年進步 San nin chuen bo: New year advances and progress.
心想事成 Sam seung si sing: Hearts desires become complete.
富貴長春 Fu gwai cheung chun: Wealth, honour, and a long spring.
年年有餘 Nin nin yau yü; Year after year surplus.
新年快樂 San nin faai lok: New year happiness; happy new year.
新年大吉 San nin taai gat: New year greatly fortunate; be lucky this year.
歲歲平安 Seui seui ping on: Year after year peace and safety.
生意興隆 Sang yi hing lung: Business prosperity.
萬事如意 Maan si yü yi: All your aspirations be fulfilled.
身體健康 San tai gin hong: physical health.
長命百歲 Cheung ming baak seui: Long life one hundred years.
闔家全福 Hap gaa chuen fuk: Entire family complete happiness.
五福齊天 Ng fuk jai tin: five good fortunes equal to heaven.
五福臨門 Ng fuk lin mun: five good fortunes approaching the gate.
吉慶多福 Gat hing do fuk: Auspicious happiness much good fortune.
舉家歡樂 Geui gaa fun lok: Entire family joyous.
福疊富貴 Fuk daap fuk kwai: Fortune upon wealth and honour.
福壽如意 Fuk sou yü yi: Good fortune, longevity, and all desires.
福如東海 Fuk yü tung hoi: Good fortune as vast as the ocean.
福壽雙全 Fuk sou seung chün: Good fortune and longevity both complete.
If all else fails, you can always fall back on "gung hey fat choi" (恭喜發財). It's more of a congratulatory phrase than a new year wish, but it works.
'Reverent happiness and get rich'.
We all want that.
年節, 過年, 春節, 農曆年初一～十五
NIN JIT, GWO NIN, CHÜN JIT, NUNG LIK NIN CHO YAT DAU SAP NG
[The annual event, passing the year, Spring festival, agricultural calendar year beginning one through fifteen.]
1. The first day of the new year is 元旦 ('yuen daan'; perfect dawn). It begins at midnight, and setting off fireworks is a traditional way to scare away any evil or ill-fortune, besides scaring the bejayzus out of recent immigrants to the city from the Midwest. Then you light incense at the family altars, and welcome the protective deities of heaven and earth. Buddhists will not eat meat on this day. Relatives visit each other, and everyone honours the most senior members of the family.
2. The second day officially "opens" the year (開年 'hoi nin'), and married women pay their respects to blood kin, especially their parents. In Hong Kong, a representative of the government is sent to the Che Kong Temple (車公廟) to get the city's fortune for the year read.
3. The third day (赤口 'chek hou'; crimson gullet) is a lousy day for visiting people,but an excellent time to burn offerings and set celebratory fires.
5. The fifth day is the birthday of the God of Wealth (財神 'choi san'). It's good to pay your respects to him, as well as to Lord Guan (關羽、 關公、 關二哥; 'gwan yü', 'gwan gong', 'gwan yi go').
Make noise, set off firecrackers.
7. On the seventh day, don't eat meat. There's a Buddhist reason.
8. On the eighth, have a celebratory dinner for your family or employees, and mark the birthday of the ruler of heaven (天公 'tin gong'). Which is actually tomorrow.
9. Ruler of heaven. See number eight.
13. Buddhists will avoid meat again on the thirteenth day, and businesses will pay reverence to Lord Guan, in the hope that he will look out for them in the coming year.
15. The fifteenth day of New Year is the Lantern Festival, which marks the end of the festivities.
後記 HOU KEI
[Afterword.]
Things you should avoid at all costs immediately after the year has begun because they are symbolically bad luck include saying negative stuff, speaking of disease or death, criticizing other people, sweeping or house-cleaning, throwing stuff away, and running the water excessively. In fact, try not to let any water at all go down the drain on the first day or two, as water stands in for wealth.
If you are white, none of this applies to you.
So don't get your knickers in a twist.
Just make sure they're clean.
And, perhaps, new.
Final note: wash your hair sometime on the last day before new year, as you should not bathe on the first day. Plus get your hair cut beforehand.
And you might want to leave the house just before midnight for a quick smoke outside, so that you are the first person to enter in the new year.
Also prop the broom upside down against the front door.
It scares away thieves and burglars.
Or so I've heard.
恭賀新禧
Gung ho san hei.
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All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
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YOUR BACKYARD IS EMPTY, AND POSSIBLY YOUR HAMSTER DIED
Yesterday, sometime after lunch, an anonymous commenter wrote: "This post is quite likely the most degenerate thing that you have ever written."
High praise. I pride myself on literary degeneration.
The post in question dates from two years ago, and was about raccoons. Personally, I did not consider it degenerate at all, as it was no more than a slice of San Francisco backyard life. Very clean and pure.
But please, you be the judge.
TOFU!
There are far fewer raccoons in the north-eastern part of San Francisco than there used to be. It's been a while since I saw one in my neighborhood. The park on the hill beyond Van Ness no longer seems to house a thriving colony, and both Larkin and Hyde Streets are without a coonish presence, even at darkest night.
It's sad.
I think the damned tourists are eating them.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
High praise. I pride myself on literary degeneration.
The post in question dates from two years ago, and was about raccoons. Personally, I did not consider it degenerate at all, as it was no more than a slice of San Francisco backyard life. Very clean and pure.
But please, you be the judge.
TOFU!
There are far fewer raccoons in the north-eastern part of San Francisco than there used to be. It's been a while since I saw one in my neighborhood. The park on the hill beyond Van Ness no longer seems to house a thriving colony, and both Larkin and Hyde Streets are without a coonish presence, even at darkest night.
It's sad.
I think the damned tourists are eating them.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Tuesday, January 07, 2014
CANTONESE INGREDIENTS: A SHORT LIST OF ESSENTIALS
When a Cantonese person yearns for Chinese food, there is a very great chance that he or she is NOT thinking of the stuff most people associate with Cantonese restaurants. By the same token, the tourists walking down Stockton Street and marveling at the various comestibles being sold there won't consider purchasing those queer ingredients, because while they have eaten at Chinese restaurants, they've never actually tasted any of those items.
At least not deliberately and consciously; many white people just don't associate such things with food.
Yet to a Cantonese person, these substances are the hallmark of their cuisine, and all of them are familiar presences in the larder. They are absolutely essential. It is what makes a Chinatown foodstore a must-visit destination.
Like Belgian food, Cantonese cuisine is marked by the freshness of the main ingredients. But the crisp tastes will be extended or augmented with substances that your Walloon or Fleming will probably not know.
THE CANTONESE LARDER
蠔油 hou yau: Oyster sauce.
A condensed extractive of oysters with starch and soy sauce, used to dollop over freshly cooked vegetables, or as an ingredient in stir-fry sauces with splashes of rice wine and superior stock. According to a commercial which ran on the Chinese channel back in the nineties, it's essential on your fried eggs or steak. Probably also good with French Fries, and I'll have to try that one of these days.
鹹蝦醬 haahm haa jeung: Shrimp paste.
A gloop composed of ground fully fermented salted shrimp, which is used in small amounts to add a savoury briny flavour to many vegetable dishes, but is also excellent if you are cooking fatty pork chunks.
Add shredded ginger and perhaps a sliced hot chili before putting the dish in the steamer.
乾貝、江瑤柱 gon pui, gong yiu chü: dried scallops.
These are soaked before adding to soups, stews, or rice porridge. Excellent, and quite nutritious. They increase flavour.
腐乳 fu yü: fermented tofu.
Seldom eaten by itself, but often used as a rub on meats prior to roasting. The flavour is hard to describe, though some people have claimed to detect a cheesy quality. Fatty meats especially benefit.
豆豉 dau si: salted black beans.
Usually available in a cardboard canister. Moistened and partially mashed before adding to stir fries or steamed dishes. You probably are familiar with this, but it's worth your while to acquire the basic 'raw' product in C'town, rather than spending six bucks for a bottled product that promises "authentic Chinese taste" at a gourmet yuppie market.
It's a lot cheaper, and it keeps nearly forever.
臘腸 laap cheung: sausage.
Varies types are available, including versions with liver and duck. The most common type is simply chopped fatty pork in a narrow casing. A few slices with your eggs, or scattered into a simple stirfry or stew, or just dumped in the rice before steaming. Not a lot is used at one time.
Contributes a lovely porky-winy aroma.
鹹魚 haam yü: salt fish.
There are various kinds available. Some types are first sautéed, then simmered with other ingredients to make a stock (such as in Won Ton Soup), others are soaked and steamed to eat with rice, and some are condimental, meaning that they are either cut into thick slivers or slices, or crushed and soaked, before being added in small dosage to dishes during preparation.
Steamed pork patty with salt fish (鹹魚蒸肉餅 haam yü jing yiuk beng) is a classic. Three to five thick slivers arranged on top of flattened ground pork, with finely slivered ginger, steamed for ten minutes. Delicious! It's also good with eggplant, or various squashes and gourds.
臘肉 laap yiuk: preserved meat.
Most often the kind encountered is belly pork, with soy sauce, wine, and nitrates added as preserving agents, partially dried. Flattened duck is in the same category, as are some other items. Cut it into chunks and steam it with your rice, or experiment by adding small quantities to vegetable dishes. It's more than just a flavouring, it's "added value".
鹹蛋 haam daan: salted eggs.
Duck eggs soaked first in brine, then packed in charcoal sludge and aged. These must be steamed before use. A combination I particularly like, which can be considered a heart attack on a plate, is steamed fatty pork chunks combined with the whole yolks. So deadly, but so good.
皮蛋、松花蛋 pei daan, song faa daan: "skin eggs".
Dark-hued preserved eggs, which have been cured by covering them in wood ash, clay, quicklime, and dried rice chaff, then stored for several months. The alkalinity of the packing sludge eventually changes them considerably. They can be eaten as is, but are frequently added to tofu, or steamed with beaten fresh eggs, or even combined with vegetables and meat. Very commonly used to make preserved egg and lean pork rice porridge (皮蛋瘦肉粥 pei daan sau yiuk juk), which is wonderful comfort food.
酸菜 suen choi: pickled cabbage.
No, this isn't similar to kimchi. The vegetable is first briefly blanched, then packed into brine with a heavy weight on top. It can be eaten raw after fermentation, but is most often paired with fatty meats. Stirfried pork and suen choi, for instance, or noodles with suen choi and pork shreds. Many possibilities. It adds a sourish note to dishes in which it is combined with other ingredients.
蝦米 haa mei: dried shrimp.
Soaked before use, added in small quantities to steamed or stewed vegetable dishes. It's just a minor amount of protein, but contributes a pleasant seafoody touch. Dried shrimp can also be briefly roasted then added to stock to up the flavour.
梅菜 mui choy: plum flower salt vegetable.
The absolutely essential ingredient when making steamed streaky pork with salted cabbage (梅菜扣肉 mui choi kau yiuk). Hawaiians know this as 'kau yoke'. It is usually available in small cans. Drain, rinse, and parch before adding it to stews. Do not use a whole heck of a lot.
Other things with which you are undoubtedly already familiar are soy sauce, vinegar, and chili paste. Rice wine OR sherry are likewise essential, and a tiny pinch of sugar added to many dishes makes a surprising difference.
Also buy five-spice powder.
咸魚蒸肉餅 HAAM YÜ JING YIUK BENG
One pound ground pork.
One TBS cornstarch.
Half TBS soy sauce.
Half TBS sherry or rice wine.
Half TBS cooking oil.
A little ginger, minced fine.
Pinch of ground white pepper.
Pinch of sugar.
ALSO: Three to five quarter inch thick slices of salt fish, soaked to soften.
Mix everything except the salt fish and ginger together, and let this stand twenty to thirty minutes. Then flatten it onto an oiled plate, arrange the salt fish on top, and add the ginger. Steam until done, about ten minutes or so.
Dump some cilantro over it, and serve.
You can cut it, but usually diners simply break off pieces with their chopsticks or a serving spoon.
With plain white rice, a small bowl of clear meat and vegetable broth, and one or two simply cooked vegetable dishes, this is a very satisfying and extremely Cantonese home style meal.
Than which there is little finer.
NOTE: the clickable label 「真好食」 underneath this post will bring up a whole collection of essays about Chinese food. The label 「菜譜」pulls up recipes. If you have any comments, feedback, or corrections to suggest, I would love to hear from you.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
At least not deliberately and consciously; many white people just don't associate such things with food.
Yet to a Cantonese person, these substances are the hallmark of their cuisine, and all of them are familiar presences in the larder. They are absolutely essential. It is what makes a Chinatown foodstore a must-visit destination.
Like Belgian food, Cantonese cuisine is marked by the freshness of the main ingredients. But the crisp tastes will be extended or augmented with substances that your Walloon or Fleming will probably not know.
THE CANTONESE LARDER
蠔油 hou yau: Oyster sauce.
A condensed extractive of oysters with starch and soy sauce, used to dollop over freshly cooked vegetables, or as an ingredient in stir-fry sauces with splashes of rice wine and superior stock. According to a commercial which ran on the Chinese channel back in the nineties, it's essential on your fried eggs or steak. Probably also good with French Fries, and I'll have to try that one of these days.
鹹蝦醬 haahm haa jeung: Shrimp paste.
A gloop composed of ground fully fermented salted shrimp, which is used in small amounts to add a savoury briny flavour to many vegetable dishes, but is also excellent if you are cooking fatty pork chunks.
Add shredded ginger and perhaps a sliced hot chili before putting the dish in the steamer.
乾貝、江瑤柱 gon pui, gong yiu chü: dried scallops.
These are soaked before adding to soups, stews, or rice porridge. Excellent, and quite nutritious. They increase flavour.
腐乳 fu yü: fermented tofu.
Seldom eaten by itself, but often used as a rub on meats prior to roasting. The flavour is hard to describe, though some people have claimed to detect a cheesy quality. Fatty meats especially benefit.
豆豉 dau si: salted black beans.
Usually available in a cardboard canister. Moistened and partially mashed before adding to stir fries or steamed dishes. You probably are familiar with this, but it's worth your while to acquire the basic 'raw' product in C'town, rather than spending six bucks for a bottled product that promises "authentic Chinese taste" at a gourmet yuppie market.
It's a lot cheaper, and it keeps nearly forever.
臘腸 laap cheung: sausage.
Varies types are available, including versions with liver and duck. The most common type is simply chopped fatty pork in a narrow casing. A few slices with your eggs, or scattered into a simple stirfry or stew, or just dumped in the rice before steaming. Not a lot is used at one time.
Contributes a lovely porky-winy aroma.
鹹魚 haam yü: salt fish.
There are various kinds available. Some types are first sautéed, then simmered with other ingredients to make a stock (such as in Won Ton Soup), others are soaked and steamed to eat with rice, and some are condimental, meaning that they are either cut into thick slivers or slices, or crushed and soaked, before being added in small dosage to dishes during preparation.
Steamed pork patty with salt fish (鹹魚蒸肉餅 haam yü jing yiuk beng) is a classic. Three to five thick slivers arranged on top of flattened ground pork, with finely slivered ginger, steamed for ten minutes. Delicious! It's also good with eggplant, or various squashes and gourds.
臘肉 laap yiuk: preserved meat.
Most often the kind encountered is belly pork, with soy sauce, wine, and nitrates added as preserving agents, partially dried. Flattened duck is in the same category, as are some other items. Cut it into chunks and steam it with your rice, or experiment by adding small quantities to vegetable dishes. It's more than just a flavouring, it's "added value".
鹹蛋 haam daan: salted eggs.
Duck eggs soaked first in brine, then packed in charcoal sludge and aged. These must be steamed before use. A combination I particularly like, which can be considered a heart attack on a plate, is steamed fatty pork chunks combined with the whole yolks. So deadly, but so good.
皮蛋、松花蛋 pei daan, song faa daan: "skin eggs".
Dark-hued preserved eggs, which have been cured by covering them in wood ash, clay, quicklime, and dried rice chaff, then stored for several months. The alkalinity of the packing sludge eventually changes them considerably. They can be eaten as is, but are frequently added to tofu, or steamed with beaten fresh eggs, or even combined with vegetables and meat. Very commonly used to make preserved egg and lean pork rice porridge (皮蛋瘦肉粥 pei daan sau yiuk juk), which is wonderful comfort food.
酸菜 suen choi: pickled cabbage.
No, this isn't similar to kimchi. The vegetable is first briefly blanched, then packed into brine with a heavy weight on top. It can be eaten raw after fermentation, but is most often paired with fatty meats. Stirfried pork and suen choi, for instance, or noodles with suen choi and pork shreds. Many possibilities. It adds a sourish note to dishes in which it is combined with other ingredients.
蝦米 haa mei: dried shrimp.
Soaked before use, added in small quantities to steamed or stewed vegetable dishes. It's just a minor amount of protein, but contributes a pleasant seafoody touch. Dried shrimp can also be briefly roasted then added to stock to up the flavour.
梅菜 mui choy: plum flower salt vegetable.
The absolutely essential ingredient when making steamed streaky pork with salted cabbage (梅菜扣肉 mui choi kau yiuk). Hawaiians know this as 'kau yoke'. It is usually available in small cans. Drain, rinse, and parch before adding it to stews. Do not use a whole heck of a lot.
Other things with which you are undoubtedly already familiar are soy sauce, vinegar, and chili paste. Rice wine OR sherry are likewise essential, and a tiny pinch of sugar added to many dishes makes a surprising difference.
Also buy five-spice powder.
咸魚蒸肉餅 HAAM YÜ JING YIUK BENG
One pound ground pork.
One TBS cornstarch.
Half TBS soy sauce.
Half TBS sherry or rice wine.
Half TBS cooking oil.
A little ginger, minced fine.
Pinch of ground white pepper.
Pinch of sugar.
ALSO: Three to five quarter inch thick slices of salt fish, soaked to soften.
Mix everything except the salt fish and ginger together, and let this stand twenty to thirty minutes. Then flatten it onto an oiled plate, arrange the salt fish on top, and add the ginger. Steam until done, about ten minutes or so.
Dump some cilantro over it, and serve.
You can cut it, but usually diners simply break off pieces with their chopsticks or a serving spoon.
With plain white rice, a small bowl of clear meat and vegetable broth, and one or two simply cooked vegetable dishes, this is a very satisfying and extremely Cantonese home style meal.
Than which there is little finer.
NOTE: the clickable label 「真好食」 underneath this post will bring up a whole collection of essays about Chinese food. The label 「菜譜」pulls up recipes. If you have any comments, feedback, or corrections to suggest, I would love to hear from you.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Monday, January 06, 2014
COLORADO, CANNABIS, AND LARGE TUBS OF FROZEN DAIRY PRODUCT
The inexorable march of pot continues. Colorado, which few people would think of as liberal and cutting edge, legalized marijuana for recreational use. No pretense even that it's strictly for "medicinal" purposes.
Go on, little brain-dead drop-out, fry your mind.
The people who so strenuously argue that pot is harmless, natural and green, sanctified, pure, a wonderful substance that does no damage to society and promotes world peace love and understanding, have quite obviously failed to understand that it's a gateway drug.
Pot-users are 66% more likely to watch reality shows.
If that doesn't worry you, you're probably stoned.
Pot. Reality shows. House-brand ice-cream.
Envision a very unpretty future.
Colorado: future home of huge moronic lard-butts too crazy to operate vehicles.
Here in California we're still pretending that ganja is 'therapeutic'. Which works for me, because now whenever I'm walking down the street with fine aged Virginia in my pipe, and some pustulent Berkeleyite earth momma snarls something politically correct about tobacco, I simply start yelling that "it's for glaucoma, you heartless cretin, glaucoma!"
"Sniff. I am shocked that you would deny me the medication I so desperately need. That's so redneck of you! I've got a praescription, and I am being persecuted. How establishment!"
Yeah, lying. Suggestio falsi et supressio veri. But how is she going to prove that it's actually killer daemon tobacco in my pipe instead of sweet angel blessings marijuana?
She knows that pot has good karma, and surely everyone who uses it is saintly? Like the Indians in Guatamala, who weave all those meaningful cloth items, the ones that make your aura glow. Perhaps once the glaucoma is gone, she can finally see my profound inner radiance.
I'll assure her it's totally fairy-like.
Tobacco is a spiritual substance.
Besides, she's probably a pot head herself, so her mind is shot.
That fat guy from the Grateful Dead smoked a pipe.
And he was a puppy-loving swami!
It had to be pot.
Trust me, ma'am, ALL pipe-smokers are wholesome green Vegans.
This is California; we eat tofu, we nourish the earth.
Plus we've got bongo drums!
CLARIFICATORY AFTERWORD
You may have noticed that there are a number of things that this blogger tends to dislike. Among those are the Grateful Dead, pot in all of its iterations, earth mothers, deeply spiritual beings, and fanatics.
As well as do-gooders, and health-ghouls.
I'm kind of okay with puppies.
Sorry about that.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Go on, little brain-dead drop-out, fry your mind.
The people who so strenuously argue that pot is harmless, natural and green, sanctified, pure, a wonderful substance that does no damage to society and promotes world peace love and understanding, have quite obviously failed to understand that it's a gateway drug.
Pot-users are 66% more likely to watch reality shows.
If that doesn't worry you, you're probably stoned.
Pot. Reality shows. House-brand ice-cream.
Envision a very unpretty future.
Colorado: future home of huge moronic lard-butts too crazy to operate vehicles.
Here in California we're still pretending that ganja is 'therapeutic'. Which works for me, because now whenever I'm walking down the street with fine aged Virginia in my pipe, and some pustulent Berkeleyite earth momma snarls something politically correct about tobacco, I simply start yelling that "it's for glaucoma, you heartless cretin, glaucoma!"
"Sniff. I am shocked that you would deny me the medication I so desperately need. That's so redneck of you! I've got a praescription, and I am being persecuted. How establishment!"
Yeah, lying. Suggestio falsi et supressio veri. But how is she going to prove that it's actually killer daemon tobacco in my pipe instead of sweet angel blessings marijuana?
She knows that pot has good karma, and surely everyone who uses it is saintly? Like the Indians in Guatamala, who weave all those meaningful cloth items, the ones that make your aura glow. Perhaps once the glaucoma is gone, she can finally see my profound inner radiance.
I'll assure her it's totally fairy-like.
Tobacco is a spiritual substance.
Besides, she's probably a pot head herself, so her mind is shot.
That fat guy from the Grateful Dead smoked a pipe.
And he was a puppy-loving swami!
It had to be pot.
Trust me, ma'am, ALL pipe-smokers are wholesome green Vegans.
This is California; we eat tofu, we nourish the earth.
Plus we've got bongo drums!
CLARIFICATORY AFTERWORD
You may have noticed that there are a number of things that this blogger tends to dislike. Among those are the Grateful Dead, pot in all of its iterations, earth mothers, deeply spiritual beings, and fanatics.
As well as do-gooders, and health-ghouls.
I'm kind of okay with puppies.
Sorry about that.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Sunday, January 05, 2014
CALMLY IGNORING THE FORTY NINERS
This blogger is not a football aficionado. I hope you aren't surprised.
It wasn't until sometime after six o'clock today that I ascertained that the hometown team won against another group of players. Which, I have been lead to believe, means more mayhem next weekend.
You can probably imagine my exultation.
Which is very close to nil.
A negative figure.
Yay minus.
I spent the entire day polishing pipes. Mild buffing of oxidized stems, de-tarnishing silver bands and fittings. The gentlemen (and I use that term loosely) who populate the cigar lounge arrived early, and spent several hours swearing and cussing. As well as possibly scratching their pits, screaming, yelling, hooting, hollering, leaping on the furniture, and
generally making ridiculous and complete asses of themselves.
They and I had an excellent day.
I tried to ignore them.
And their cigars.
Some of my favourite people smoke cigars. But, as became clear early on, while pipesmoking inculcates calmness and an even temperament, cigars do not.
Cigars, it should be known, are an excellent digestive aid for pizza and fried corn snacks. Neither of which were present in my modest mid-day meal.
It was never the less a satisfying repast without them.
Tomorrow I shall go into Chinatown for real food.
茄子龍利魚飯或者苦瓜豬肉飯。
There are far fewer insane and foulmouthed sportsfiends in Chinatown than elsewhere in the Bay Area. Screaming like a maniac with pizza dribbling down one's jersey is not, strictly speaking, a particularly Chinese thing to do. It seems so undignified, don't you think?
There's only one establishment I know of in C'town where they even have the game on -- whatever the game at that time is -- for the benefit of the European and Midwestern tourists who make the right choice and wander in for excellent food. The sound is off. The staff do not watch large men in shiny clothing disporting themselves.
That particular place does a dynamite version of bitter melon and pork over rice (苦瓜豬肉飯 fu gwa chü yiuk fan). They actually specialize in noodle dishes, however, of which there is a substantial selection to choose from, and there's a big bottle of Sriracha hotsauce on every table.
One of the other rice-plates for which I have a mid-winter yen is eggplant with fish over rice (茄子龍利魚飯 ke ji lung lei yü fan).
Also great with hot sauce.
The term for the kind of fish most often used (flounder) is 龍利魚 (lung lei yü), meaning "dragon profit fish". It's probably just a phonetic transcription of a tribal term used in central or southern China before the Sinitic languages took over, and the second element (利 lei: profit) is sometimes replaced by 例 (lai: precedent, example) or 列 (laat: organized in a set, lined up) in other fish names.
I had eggplant with fish over rice yesterday evening after returning from scenes of madness in Marin County. It satisfied the man within. Life, in many ways, is all about keeping the mature individual inside oneself reasonably content.
Football does not do that; it riles up the inner psycho.
I may be defective; I have no inner nut.
But I feel no less normal.
Not deficient.
安安定定、冷冷靜靜。
The mature individual inside oneself likes simple tasty things to eat. Caffeinated beverages. Female company (of which there hasn't been any in a while). Books (including dictionaries and reference works). Pipe tobacco (both aged Virginias as well as English-Oriental blends), doodads, pottery and porcelain, the occasional chocolate or cookie, and a warm coverlet or throw rug for cold and rainy days.
I cannot imagine myself screaming, yelling, and stomping on the ground. Well, NOT over sports, at least.
Maybe over hot chocolate.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
It wasn't until sometime after six o'clock today that I ascertained that the hometown team won against another group of players. Which, I have been lead to believe, means more mayhem next weekend.
You can probably imagine my exultation.
Which is very close to nil.
A negative figure.
Yay minus.
I spent the entire day polishing pipes. Mild buffing of oxidized stems, de-tarnishing silver bands and fittings. The gentlemen (and I use that term loosely) who populate the cigar lounge arrived early, and spent several hours swearing and cussing. As well as possibly scratching their pits, screaming, yelling, hooting, hollering, leaping on the furniture, and
generally making ridiculous and complete asses of themselves.
They and I had an excellent day.
I tried to ignore them.
And their cigars.
Some of my favourite people smoke cigars. But, as became clear early on, while pipesmoking inculcates calmness and an even temperament, cigars do not.
Cigars, it should be known, are an excellent digestive aid for pizza and fried corn snacks. Neither of which were present in my modest mid-day meal.
It was never the less a satisfying repast without them.
Tomorrow I shall go into Chinatown for real food.
茄子龍利魚飯或者苦瓜豬肉飯。
There are far fewer insane and foulmouthed sportsfiends in Chinatown than elsewhere in the Bay Area. Screaming like a maniac with pizza dribbling down one's jersey is not, strictly speaking, a particularly Chinese thing to do. It seems so undignified, don't you think?
There's only one establishment I know of in C'town where they even have the game on -- whatever the game at that time is -- for the benefit of the European and Midwestern tourists who make the right choice and wander in for excellent food. The sound is off. The staff do not watch large men in shiny clothing disporting themselves.
That particular place does a dynamite version of bitter melon and pork over rice (苦瓜豬肉飯 fu gwa chü yiuk fan). They actually specialize in noodle dishes, however, of which there is a substantial selection to choose from, and there's a big bottle of Sriracha hotsauce on every table.
One of the other rice-plates for which I have a mid-winter yen is eggplant with fish over rice (茄子龍利魚飯 ke ji lung lei yü fan).
Also great with hot sauce.
The term for the kind of fish most often used (flounder) is 龍利魚 (lung lei yü), meaning "dragon profit fish". It's probably just a phonetic transcription of a tribal term used in central or southern China before the Sinitic languages took over, and the second element (利 lei: profit) is sometimes replaced by 例 (lai: precedent, example) or 列 (laat: organized in a set, lined up) in other fish names.
I had eggplant with fish over rice yesterday evening after returning from scenes of madness in Marin County. It satisfied the man within. Life, in many ways, is all about keeping the mature individual inside oneself reasonably content.
Football does not do that; it riles up the inner psycho.
I may be defective; I have no inner nut.
But I feel no less normal.
Not deficient.
安安定定、冷冷靜靜。
The mature individual inside oneself likes simple tasty things to eat. Caffeinated beverages. Female company (of which there hasn't been any in a while). Books (including dictionaries and reference works). Pipe tobacco (both aged Virginias as well as English-Oriental blends), doodads, pottery and porcelain, the occasional chocolate or cookie, and a warm coverlet or throw rug for cold and rainy days.
I cannot imagine myself screaming, yelling, and stomping on the ground. Well, NOT over sports, at least.
Maybe over hot chocolate.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
HONKING SOUNDS AT DAWN
My apartment mate is capable of producing astounding sounds. Such as the trumpeting of she-elephants on the veld, as they crush the Zulu villagers running terrified before them. Or something that sounds amazingly like one imagines that.
Due to an unnatural mildness to the weather in San Francisco right now, allergy season has started up again. "Roared" back to life.
I've always been secretely and strangely pleased at the capacity of her nose, small though it is, to emit sheerly terrifying blasts.
Our apartment holds the most assertive beak on earth.
Some people wake themselves up screaming every morning, she does a trumpet voluntary with her nose; disturbing sounds come from her room to welcome the dawn. Again, it's not a large nose. By my standards, it's a bit small, and rather cute. A subtle roundness at the extreme end, and a pleasing regularity along the ridge. Two canted ante-chambers, with curvature. All of a pale and inoffensive hue.
I haven't been near it in years, but I am a very observant man.
I observe the nose without even thinking about it.
Strange female noses fascinate me.
Oh elegant bump!
I would find it hard to imagine the timbre and resonance that this particular nasal appendage was capable of, if I didn't know better.
Savage blasts, roaring tigers, fog horns, fiercely honking big rigs.
Walruses, elephant seals, orcas, and narwhals.
The neighbors haven't said anything.
I think they're hiding.
Conceivable they are threatened by her femininity.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Due to an unnatural mildness to the weather in San Francisco right now, allergy season has started up again. "Roared" back to life.
I've always been secretely and strangely pleased at the capacity of her nose, small though it is, to emit sheerly terrifying blasts.
Our apartment holds the most assertive beak on earth.
Some people wake themselves up screaming every morning, she does a trumpet voluntary with her nose; disturbing sounds come from her room to welcome the dawn. Again, it's not a large nose. By my standards, it's a bit small, and rather cute. A subtle roundness at the extreme end, and a pleasing regularity along the ridge. Two canted ante-chambers, with curvature. All of a pale and inoffensive hue.
I haven't been near it in years, but I am a very observant man.
I observe the nose without even thinking about it.
Strange female noses fascinate me.
Oh elegant bump!
I would find it hard to imagine the timbre and resonance that this particular nasal appendage was capable of, if I didn't know better.
Savage blasts, roaring tigers, fog horns, fiercely honking big rigs.
Walruses, elephant seals, orcas, and narwhals.
The neighbors haven't said anything.
I think they're hiding.
Conceivable they are threatened by her femininity.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Saturday, January 04, 2014
CHINATOWN NEEDS MORE COPS
Interesting caption for an essay, don't you think? "Chinatown needs more cops." And no, this has nothing to do with Chinese crime. Neither Chinese on Chinese crime, nor Chinese on innocent pure white folks who never did anyone any harm and don't deserve it.
Instead, it has to do with street people. And the assorted loonies that the police have so helpfully chased away from the downtown shopping areas.
Why did the various loose ends end up in Chinatown?
Because unlike merchants in Union Square and along Market Street between Montgomery and Powell -- the places where tourists drop their money and show how much they appreciate a colourful and festive metropolis like San Francisco -- the folks who live and work in Chinatown are somewhat hesitant to call the authorities at the drop of every single hat. Their tendency is to believe that if they don't attract overmuch attention from the police force, they won't be treated like crap when they really need a bit of law-enforcement.
Which allows some pretty unstable people to roam about terrorizing honest folks just trying to make a living.
Such as the insane black gentleman with whom I got into an altercation at one of my favourite eateries.
Apparently the rangy looking dude is a regular pest there. They refused to allow him to use the bathroom, they would not mollify him with any dumplings even though he screamed and shouted, and when they asked him to leave he got abusive and started pushing the woman who owns the place around. He even spat on the counter, overturned things, and smashed the tip jar, and was about to smack the proprietress.
Who is only five foot tall and weighs less than me.
So I chased his nasty skank ass out.
Before continuing my meal.
Which was delicious.
This is not something I am supposed to do. If we hadn't started tolerating the whackjobs in this city and declared it a sanctuary so many years ago, it would not be something I would have to do.
Yeah, the city finally did something about the hobo jungle in Hang Ah Alley. Probably only AFTER one of those people groped some child in the nearby playground. But the nuts are still hanging out at Washington Square, and every time I walk past that area I see at least one of them trying to threaten some of the little old gambling addicts that play cards there all day long.
And guess what? The seediness has started to return; the shifty campers are slowly infiltrating Hang Ah Alley again.
Which is right next to a tennis court and a volleyball area.
And very near a playground with children.
Where there are few adults.
Elderly adults.
Mostly.
There are enough crazy people in Chinatown who already belong there that they don't need any more. And there are far too many children and vulnerable oldsters to permit the near-complete absence of either the mental health professionals OR the trained keepers of the peace.
Chinatown is one of the main reasons that tourists come to this city. Chinatown is picturesque, photogenic, fascinating, and something you just won't see in Fumbuck, Iowa. Chinatown helps lay the golden egg that much of this city feeds on. Chinatown is overcrowded, not at all prosperous, and because of both apathy and neglect by Recology and the Department of Public Works (and others), Chinatown is a health-hazard waiting to happen.
Nice that we have so many tourists, as well as all the carpetbagging yuppies from elsewhere in the country. And programmers, business majors, hipsters, and reasonably prosperous artistic types, who all move here. But if we don't take care of our own, we won't have that enticing golden reputation much longer.
All we'll have are nutcases and speed freaks terrorizing honest folks just trying to make a living.
Chinatown needs more cops.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Why did the various loose ends end up in Chinatown?
Because unlike merchants in Union Square and along Market Street between Montgomery and Powell -- the places where tourists drop their money and show how much they appreciate a colourful and festive metropolis like San Francisco -- the folks who live and work in Chinatown are somewhat hesitant to call the authorities at the drop of every single hat. Their tendency is to believe that if they don't attract overmuch attention from the police force, they won't be treated like crap when they really need a bit of law-enforcement.
Which allows some pretty unstable people to roam about terrorizing honest folks just trying to make a living.
Such as the insane black gentleman with whom I got into an altercation at one of my favourite eateries.
Apparently the rangy looking dude is a regular pest there. They refused to allow him to use the bathroom, they would not mollify him with any dumplings even though he screamed and shouted, and when they asked him to leave he got abusive and started pushing the woman who owns the place around. He even spat on the counter, overturned things, and smashed the tip jar, and was about to smack the proprietress.
Who is only five foot tall and weighs less than me.
So I chased his nasty skank ass out.
Before continuing my meal.
Which was delicious.
This is not something I am supposed to do. If we hadn't started tolerating the whackjobs in this city and declared it a sanctuary so many years ago, it would not be something I would have to do.
Yeah, the city finally did something about the hobo jungle in Hang Ah Alley. Probably only AFTER one of those people groped some child in the nearby playground. But the nuts are still hanging out at Washington Square, and every time I walk past that area I see at least one of them trying to threaten some of the little old gambling addicts that play cards there all day long.
And guess what? The seediness has started to return; the shifty campers are slowly infiltrating Hang Ah Alley again.
Which is right next to a tennis court and a volleyball area.
And very near a playground with children.
Where there are few adults.
Elderly adults.
Mostly.
There are enough crazy people in Chinatown who already belong there that they don't need any more. And there are far too many children and vulnerable oldsters to permit the near-complete absence of either the mental health professionals OR the trained keepers of the peace.
Chinatown is one of the main reasons that tourists come to this city. Chinatown is picturesque, photogenic, fascinating, and something you just won't see in Fumbuck, Iowa. Chinatown helps lay the golden egg that much of this city feeds on. Chinatown is overcrowded, not at all prosperous, and because of both apathy and neglect by Recology and the Department of Public Works (and others), Chinatown is a health-hazard waiting to happen.
Nice that we have so many tourists, as well as all the carpetbagging yuppies from elsewhere in the country. And programmers, business majors, hipsters, and reasonably prosperous artistic types, who all move here. But if we don't take care of our own, we won't have that enticing golden reputation much longer.
All we'll have are nutcases and speed freaks terrorizing honest folks just trying to make a living.
Chinatown needs more cops.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Friday, January 03, 2014
THE BACK COURTYARD FLOWER
It bothered me all evening. There were three words I could not remember. Everything else was crystal clear, but those three my mind would not let me reconstruct. For two of them, even the pronunciation escaped.
"Something gong something cheung hau ting faa."
Across the river she still sings the 'back courtyard flower'. The writer of that plangent line was Du Mu, fleeing the destruction in the capitol during the middle of the Tang dynasty period. Chinese capitols have often been sacked by the barbarians -- the Western forces in Peking in 1900 are a good example -- but this was most likely part of factional fighting between the eunuchs and the scholar-officials.
THE SWEET DEW INCIDENT
Gānlù zhī biàn 甘露之變 ('gam lou ji pin')
In the eighth year of emperor Wenzong (唐文宗) several high-placed officials conspired to lessen the deleterous influence of the castrati at court. To that end, they assembled troops in secret, albeit with the complicity of the emperor himself, who was heartily sick and tired of the robbery and corruption of the palace roaches.
The plot went awry, and the no-testicle clique took revenge.
The families of the conspirators were wiped out.
Thousands died. And the empire stumbled.
All in all, very similar to American politics, except for the heads on spikes and the slaughter of innocents.
You can read about it on Wikipedia: GAN LU.
Du Mu (杜牧 'dou muk'), who was thirty two years old at the time, was on his way to a posting at Luo Yang (洛陽 'lok yeung') when matters came to a head. Having left Chang'an (長安 'cheung on') several months previously, he was not implicated, but undoubtedly many of his colleagues were, and he would have been consumed with increasing despair as more came out of the persecution and slaughter. Particularly painful must have been the death of friends in the purge.
While on the road, he penned a poem. There is a note of defiant despondency in his lines.
NIGHT MOORING AT QIN HUAI
Hù Qínhuái 滬秦淮 ('wu chuenwaai')
The moon embraces the cold water, the smoke enfolds the sand, I've tied up my boat for the night near a wine shop. Across the water a singing girl does not know the sorrow of a destroyed nation, she still gaily sings the song of the back courtyard flower.
Yue lung hon seui yin lung saa, ye bok chuen waai kan jau kaa,
seung nui pat ji mong kwok han, gaak gong yau cheung hau ting faa.
月籠寒水煙籠沙, 夜泊秦淮近酒家,
商女不知亡國恨, 隔江猶唱後庭花。
[Literal translation: moon basket cold water smoke basket sand, night moor Qin Huai near wine family; commercial woman not know lost country sad, across river yet sing rear court flower.]
No, the term mercantile female does not necessarily imply a working girl; she could just be the daughter of a nearby family employed to cheer up patrons with her dulcet voice. The use of 'basket' (籠 'lung') as a verb to indicate 'embrace, enfold, contain' is not particularly a stretch, though not common then, and somewhat unknown now. The word for 'across' (隔 'gaak') entirely escaped me, as did the word for 'yet' (猶 'yau'), although both of these characters are fairly common.
Something river, something sing.
It was a mental blip.
Now, if you were to ask me about the song Back Courtyard Flower (後庭花 'hau ting faa'), I will draw a complete blank. But so would everyone else. The song has not come down to us, merely the title. It was a popular ditty, gay and cheerful, and considering the horrifying events at the time, highly inappropriate.
I rather wish the song had survived.
It must have been a goody.
I was enjoying some pastry and two cups of HongKong-style milk-tea at a bakery in Chinatown yesterday evening, when the word 秦 (Qín; 'chuen') sparked the memory train. It's the name of the Qin Dynasty (秦朝 'chuen chiu', 221 bce–206 bce), whom I mentioned briefly in yesterday's post, but it's also toponymic. The Qin and Huai rivers join near the southern capitol (南京 Nanjing; 'naam king'), and there are Qin mountains (秦嶺 Qinling; 'chuen leng') in the province west of the passes (陝西 Shaanxi; 'sim sai'). The character originally meant millet. Two hands grasp a stalk (禾).
I had made mention of the tyrant of Qin as successor to Zhou.
Merely in passing, as I waffled about other things.
But the name, initially, had escaped me.
In remembering the character, Du Fu's poem also came back.
Well, except for the something river something sings line.
For the next several hours I could not get the verse with holes out of my head. I was smoking my pipe, you see, and therefore nowhere near my bookshelves or the internet and couldn't look it up.
Really, most businesses would do well to have dictionaries and reference books on hand for their patrons. The world would be a far better place if they did.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
"Something gong something cheung hau ting faa."
Across the river she still sings the 'back courtyard flower'. The writer of that plangent line was Du Mu, fleeing the destruction in the capitol during the middle of the Tang dynasty period. Chinese capitols have often been sacked by the barbarians -- the Western forces in Peking in 1900 are a good example -- but this was most likely part of factional fighting between the eunuchs and the scholar-officials.
THE SWEET DEW INCIDENT
Gānlù zhī biàn 甘露之變 ('gam lou ji pin')
In the eighth year of emperor Wenzong (唐文宗) several high-placed officials conspired to lessen the deleterous influence of the castrati at court. To that end, they assembled troops in secret, albeit with the complicity of the emperor himself, who was heartily sick and tired of the robbery and corruption of the palace roaches.
The plot went awry, and the no-testicle clique took revenge.
The families of the conspirators were wiped out.
Thousands died. And the empire stumbled.
All in all, very similar to American politics, except for the heads on spikes and the slaughter of innocents.
You can read about it on Wikipedia: GAN LU.
Du Mu (杜牧 'dou muk'), who was thirty two years old at the time, was on his way to a posting at Luo Yang (洛陽 'lok yeung') when matters came to a head. Having left Chang'an (長安 'cheung on') several months previously, he was not implicated, but undoubtedly many of his colleagues were, and he would have been consumed with increasing despair as more came out of the persecution and slaughter. Particularly painful must have been the death of friends in the purge.
While on the road, he penned a poem. There is a note of defiant despondency in his lines.
NIGHT MOORING AT QIN HUAI
Hù Qínhuái 滬秦淮 ('wu chuenwaai')
The moon embraces the cold water, the smoke enfolds the sand, I've tied up my boat for the night near a wine shop. Across the water a singing girl does not know the sorrow of a destroyed nation, she still gaily sings the song of the back courtyard flower.
Yue lung hon seui yin lung saa, ye bok chuen waai kan jau kaa,
seung nui pat ji mong kwok han, gaak gong yau cheung hau ting faa.
月籠寒水煙籠沙, 夜泊秦淮近酒家,
商女不知亡國恨, 隔江猶唱後庭花。
[Literal translation: moon basket cold water smoke basket sand, night moor Qin Huai near wine family; commercial woman not know lost country sad, across river yet sing rear court flower.]
No, the term mercantile female does not necessarily imply a working girl; she could just be the daughter of a nearby family employed to cheer up patrons with her dulcet voice. The use of 'basket' (籠 'lung') as a verb to indicate 'embrace, enfold, contain' is not particularly a stretch, though not common then, and somewhat unknown now. The word for 'across' (隔 'gaak') entirely escaped me, as did the word for 'yet' (猶 'yau'), although both of these characters are fairly common.
Something river, something sing.
It was a mental blip.
Now, if you were to ask me about the song Back Courtyard Flower (後庭花 'hau ting faa'), I will draw a complete blank. But so would everyone else. The song has not come down to us, merely the title. It was a popular ditty, gay and cheerful, and considering the horrifying events at the time, highly inappropriate.
I rather wish the song had survived.
It must have been a goody.
I was enjoying some pastry and two cups of HongKong-style milk-tea at a bakery in Chinatown yesterday evening, when the word 秦 (Qín; 'chuen') sparked the memory train. It's the name of the Qin Dynasty (秦朝 'chuen chiu', 221 bce–206 bce), whom I mentioned briefly in yesterday's post, but it's also toponymic. The Qin and Huai rivers join near the southern capitol (南京 Nanjing; 'naam king'), and there are Qin mountains (秦嶺 Qinling; 'chuen leng') in the province west of the passes (陝西 Shaanxi; 'sim sai'). The character originally meant millet. Two hands grasp a stalk (禾).
I had made mention of the tyrant of Qin as successor to Zhou.
Merely in passing, as I waffled about other things.
But the name, initially, had escaped me.
In remembering the character, Du Fu's poem also came back.
Well, except for the something river something sings line.
For the next several hours I could not get the verse with holes out of my head. I was smoking my pipe, you see, and therefore nowhere near my bookshelves or the internet and couldn't look it up.
Really, most businesses would do well to have dictionaries and reference books on hand for their patrons. The world would be a far better place if they did.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Thursday, January 02, 2014
LEARNING CHINESE: A SHORT LIST OF ESSENTIAL ADDENDA
A friend, whose youth makes him subject to odd fancies -- he grew up in the age of video games, and consequently has trouble with depth and breadth -- has asked what the most important things are when learning Chinese. He wishes to study Mandarin so that he can go live in Mainland China for a few years and make lots of money.
An admirable ambition! To get rich is glorious!
He'll go far. And he will wear nice suits.
Oh fortunate bourgeois puppy!
He's already taking classes, but hopes that there is a shortcut. Mandarin Chinese is incredibly hard, he says, and nearly no one understands him when he speaks.
致富光榮
JI FU GWONG WING
[To get rich is glorious - Deng Xiao-ping]
The reason why he is unintelligible is largely due to him trying to say things which only hold together in a middle-class suburban American context. They don't compute in the Chinese world, at least not the way he expects them to.
Imagine talking cuisine to a Frenchman, when your entire culinary vocabulary consists of grilled hot dogs and chili-cheese fries.
Understandably, the poor frog will look at you funny.
What, he will think, is this running dog saying?
Are those even words in a human tongue?
Ce sont des canines réchauffés?
Et les copeaux garnis?
Ne calcule pas!
Mais non!
Obviously it's even worse when speaking to a Chinese person, and pretending to be at least half-way literate and educated in your own language, when all the concepts that you know, and every book you have ever read, are unlinked and without reference in Chinese.
At the very least, watch some movies from Hong Kong. These will start to impart a feel for the Chinese social environment. Yes, not the same as what a mainlander would know. But it is close enough that opacity will acquire translucence.
And read up.
A lot.
四書五經與其他
SEI SYU NG GING, YIU KEI TAA
[Four writings, five warps, etcetera]
Necessary reading material will include a few in-depth books written by anthropologists and serious China scholars. No need to study these in detail, though, as even a light browse-through will leave you with as many off-kilter impressions as an in-depth cramming of the material would.
The point is to place a range of data in your mind, which you will use as building blocks for further thought.
A background in Chinese history is also essential.
Start with summer, end with today.
From the Hsia dynasty (夏朝 xia chao / 'haa chiu') down to the present.
夏
The Xia dynasty (夏朝 xia chao, 'haa chiu') reigned from 2070 bce to 1600 bce. During this period, the country went from tribal warfare and mythic kings to a centrally organized state, with many of the elements that we now recognize as Chinese: a hierarchical administrative structure, state cults centered around charismatic ancestors, plus bronzes, imperial tombs, and an ideographic writing system.
Much remains unknown or unsubstantiated about this era.
商
Xia (夏 'summer') was succeeded by Shang (商朝 Shang chao / 'seung chiu'), whose name means 'commerce'. They are also called 殷 (yin / 'yan'), which means 'flourishing, abundant; serious; dark red'. From 1600 bce to 1046 bce. Many more bronzes, and the great expansion from the north to the Yangtze river zone. Standardized weights and measures, script reform, more state cults. Shang fell apart when the last kings of that dynasty gave themselves over to degenerate behaviours.
The excess of which is legendary.
And not to be emulated.
周
When the 'Martial King' (周武王 zhou wu wang / 'jau mou wong') of the state of Wu (吳國 wu guo / 'ng gwok') led his troops across the Yellow River (黄河 huang he / 'wong ho') and defeated the Shang army at the 'battle of the cattle fields' (牧野之戰 mu ye zi zhan / 'muk ye ji jin') in 1046 bce, Shang ended, and the great classic age began. The last king of Shang covered himself with jewels, and committed suicide by self-immolation at the Deer Terrace (鹿台 lu tai / 'luk toi').
[Note that Zhou (周 'jau'; circuit, circumference, epoch, complete) was not the original surname. Zhou Wu Wang's clan was Ji (姬 'gei'; concubine, feminine entertainer) and his personal nomen was Fa (發 'faat'; issue, emit). The Ji name commemorates an ancestor descended from a consort to a legendary king.]
Wu Wang ('martial king') installed his father (the 'Literary King', 周文王 zhou wen wang / 'jau man wong') as monarch over the Zhou empire.
The Zhou dynasty lasted till from 1046 bce till 256 bce. During that time central authority fragmented, feudal lords became monarchs, various smaller states which still claimed allegiance to the dynasty waged war and slaughtered each other's tax bases, and bronze casting reached an apex unparalleled. Philosophy and literature were greatly developed -- this is the period of the 'Hundred Schools of Thought' (諸子百家 zhu zi bai jai / 'jyu ji baak gaa') -- and theories of governance and social order which continue to influence Chinese (both the people and their language) to this very day were born.
偏偏之足跡
PIN-PIN JI JUK-JIK
[Wandering footprints]
At this point, you should take a minor side track and read up a bit on Chinese literature and philosophy. You've acquired a slight grounding in the web and woof, now emerging patterns must be recognized.
The fundament of all Chinese thinking can be found in the four books and five classics (四書五經與其他 si shu wu jing / 'sei syu ng ging'), which are the core texts of Confucianism (儒教 ru jiao / 'yiu gaau'). Indeed, there is vastly more than that. But without an awareness of the 'teachings of the scholars' (儒教 "scholarly teachings"), any understanding of what everyone spent the next two millennia interacting with, or reacting against, is nearly impossible. The bureaucrats upheld orthodoxy, the literati commented on it and reformulated it, often heretically, and the rebels, rioters, and brigands that populate the pages of Chinese history borrowed and bastardized its ideas, deliberately mis-understood much, and used it when advantageous.
All subsequent literature and administration utilizes the thought processes and concepts formed by the material.
Even the simplest daily conversation will reflect this basis.
Which is what, exactly? What is this material?
FOUR WRITINGS
These are the core texts: Great Learning (大學), the Doctrine of the Median (中庸), Analects (論語), and the lessons of Mencius ( 孟子). In order, simplistically put: a fairly succinct outline for Chinese political and moral thought, how to maintain a balanced and equitable social structure, philosophical and moral lectures by Confucius and his students, and Mencius' discussions with various rulers who sought his advice.
[Great Learning: 大學 da xue, 'daai hok'; big study. Doctrine of the Mean: 中庸 zhong yong, 'jung yung'; central ordinary. Analects: 論語 lun yu, 'luen yue'; discourse and speaking. Mencius: 孟子 meng zi, 'maang ji'; the eminent master (372 bce to 289 bce), a scholar from Zou (鄒 'jau').]
There are a number of excellent translations, with commentary, on these four books. It is worthwhile to read them, but at the very least gaining an overview is fairly essential.
FIVE BOUND VOLUMES
Poetry, Documents, Rites, Changes, plus the Historical Record of the State of Lu (魯國 'lou kwok') which is entitled 'Spring and Autumn'. In short: three hundred and five ancient songs, documents and addresses by Zhou rulers, court rituals and ceremonies, a strange divination system, and a narrative.
[Classic of Poetry: 詩經 shi jing, 'si ging'; verses volume. Book of Documents: 尚書 shang shu, 'seung syu'; common writing. Book of Rites: 禮記 li ji, 'lai gei'; ritual records. I Ching (Book of Changes): 易經 yi jing, 'yi ging'; change volume. Spring and Autumn Annals: 春秋 chun qiu, 'chuen chau'.]
Some translations are crap, others are better. Avoid anything which paints the I Ching as some great spiritual masterpiece; it is more or less on the same plane as tarot cards. Again, at the very least get an overview of all of these.
There are actually more works than just the classic list (four and five), and often the number cited is thirteen.
The additional books are: Rites of Zhou 周禮 ('jau lei'); Ceremonies 儀禮 ('yi lei'); Zuo's Annals 左傳 ('jor chuen'); Gong-Yang's Annals 公羊傳 ('gung yeung chuen'); Gu-Liang's Annals 穀梁傳 ('guk leung chuen'); the Erya 爾雅 ('yi ngaa'); and the Classic of Filial Piety 孝經 ('haau ging'). The last one mentioned is virtually unreadable, and never the less extremely important; its contents encapsulate the entire welt-anschauung.
Most of these books were written during the twilight years of Zhou, standardized and edited in the centuries since, and finally 'canonized' nearly a millennium later.
There would have been many more, except that the tyrant of Qin (秦始皇帝 qin shi huang ti / 'chuen chi wong dai') destroyed the libraries and killed the literati (焚書坑儒 fen shu keng ru / 'fan shyu hang yiu'; "burn documents, bury scholars").
There are several important words you absolutely must add to your vocabulary and include in your mental toolbox, these being the key characteristics that the gentleman embodies, and the lesser man lacks:
仁 rén, 'yan': humaneness. 義 yì, 'yi': righteousness. 禮 lǐ, 'lai': propriety. 智 zhì, 'ji': wisdom. 信 xìn, 'seun': trustworthiness. 廉 lián, 'lim': incorruptibility. 誠 chéng, 'sing': sincerity. 忠 zhōng, 'jung': loyalty. 孝 xiào, 'haau': filial piety. 節 jié, 'jit': integrity. 恥 chǐ, 'chi': shame. 恕 shù, 'shue': lenience. 慧 huì, 'wai': intelligence. 勇 yǒng, 'yung': valour. 溫 wēn, 'wan': mildness. 良 liáng, 'leung': goodness. 恭 gong, 'gung': reverence. 儉 jiǎn, 'gim': thrift. 讓 rang, 'yeung': modesty. 正 zhèng, 'jing': correct, proper. 道 dào, 'dou': way, path, manner, direction. 德 dé, 'tak': virtue.
Note: the accented transcription is the Mandarin pronunciation, the second transcription is Cantonese.
北有長城、南有靈渠。
THE ENTIRE SHEBANG
[The North has the long wall, the South has a marvelous canal.]
The succession of dynasties and reigns since the first emperor of Qin re-unified China (at that point bigger and better than ever before) and destroyed as much of the Zhou heritage as he could -- while building the Great Wall (長城 zhang cheng / 'cheung sing') and causing the death of millions of his subjects in that project -- are somewhat less important than Xia, Shang, and Zhou to your understanding.
Han Dynasty 漢 ('hon') 206 bce to 220 ce. Three Kingdoms Period 三國 ('saam kwok') 220–265 ce. Western Jin Dynasty 西晉 ('sei juen') 265–317 ce. Eastern Jin Dynasty 東晉 ('tung juen') 317–420 ce. Southern and Northern Dynasties, Nán Běi Cháo 南北朝 ('naam pak chiu') 386-589 ce. Sui Dynasty 隋 ('cheui') 581–618 ce. Tang Dynasty 唐 ('tong') 618–907 ce. Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms 五代十國 ('ng toi sap kwok') 907–960 ce. Northern Song Dynasty, Běi Sòng 北宋 ('paak sung') 960–1127 ce. Southern Song Dynasty, Nán Sòng 南宋 ('naam sung') 1127–1279 ce. Liao Dynasty 遼 ('liu') 907–1125 ce. Jin Dynasty (Khitans) 金 ('gam') 1115–1234 ce. Western Xia (heathenish barbarians) 西夏 ('sei haa') 1038–1227 ce. Yuan Dynasty (Mongol psychopaths) 元 ('yuen') 1271–1368 ce. Ming Dynasty 明 ('ming') 1368–1662 ce. Qing Dynasty (Manchus) 清 ('ching') 1636–1911 ce.
If, at this point, you are getting the idea that there is a lot of seemingly extraneous data to absorb, you are right; those who do not know the past cannot repeat it.
In fact, as you progress, you should be mentally composing more and more lists: the dynasties; the important rulers, the rebels, the scholars, the conniving politicians, the great and horrific battles that killed millions, the poets whose words are immortal, the artistic developments, the various historic capital cities, the centres of commerce and culture, the regions and provinces, the rivers that keep overflowing........
An endless catalogue.
Delve into the post-classical literature too.
分久必合、合久必分。
WHAT IS SEPERATED COMES TOGETHER, WHAT IS WHOLE WILL FALL APART。
The Water Margin (水滸傳 shui hu zhuan / 'seui wu chuen') concerns a band of outlaws who hid out in the moorlands surrounding Mount Liang (梁山 liang shan / 'leung saan'), in resistance to corrupt officials and defiance against a rotten social order, somewhat like Robin Hood and his men.
The Romance of the Three Kingdoms (三國演義 san guo yan yi / 'saam kwok yin yi') tells the tale of three great generals (Cao Cao 曹操 'chou chou'; Lui Bei 劉備 'lau bei'; and Sun Quan 孫權 'suen kuen') whose efforts at the fall of the Han regime (漢朝 han chao / 'hon chiu') ended up creating three regional dynasties (魏 wei / 'ngai'; 蜀漢 shu han / 'suk hon'; 東吳 dong wu / 'tung ng'), dividing China. Chinese ideas of chivalry, gallantry, heroism and grand strategems, are all found in these two books.
The young should NOT read the Water Margin, lest they go off the derech, and the old must abjure the Three Kingdoms, so that they aren't tempted to conspire.
少不讀水滸, 老不讀三國 'siu pat dok seui wu, lou pat dok saam gwok'.
The Scholars (儒林外史 ru lin wai shi / 'yiu lam ngo si') tells of several literati whose lives interconnect, lampooning some and holding others up as examples. Not really a roman à clef, but never the less drawn on the author's own social world. It is very entertaining in parts, and dangerous too, especially for the established order.
There are other books, which you will discover as you go along. Many of them are famous, and sources of set phrases, twists of thought, sayings, proverbs, and pithy quotes. Your command of Chinese depends on these.
詩
Don't overlook the poetry of the Tang era either.
It's marvelous stuff.
Evocative.
And above all, learn how to swear. Foulness is just as important as all the rest, and what you overhear is often not the printed word or the elegant saying, though quite as well expressed. All within the four seas cuss, the Chinese often more than most. It adds a lyric quality to their speech, and sharpens sarcasm, cynicism, irony, and despair.
Vitriol is the life blood of a language.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
An admirable ambition! To get rich is glorious!
He'll go far. And he will wear nice suits.
Oh fortunate bourgeois puppy!
He's already taking classes, but hopes that there is a shortcut. Mandarin Chinese is incredibly hard, he says, and nearly no one understands him when he speaks.
致富光榮
JI FU GWONG WING
[To get rich is glorious - Deng Xiao-ping]
The reason why he is unintelligible is largely due to him trying to say things which only hold together in a middle-class suburban American context. They don't compute in the Chinese world, at least not the way he expects them to.
Imagine talking cuisine to a Frenchman, when your entire culinary vocabulary consists of grilled hot dogs and chili-cheese fries.
Understandably, the poor frog will look at you funny.
What, he will think, is this running dog saying?
Are those even words in a human tongue?
Ce sont des canines réchauffés?
Et les copeaux garnis?
Ne calcule pas!
Mais non!
Obviously it's even worse when speaking to a Chinese person, and pretending to be at least half-way literate and educated in your own language, when all the concepts that you know, and every book you have ever read, are unlinked and without reference in Chinese.
At the very least, watch some movies from Hong Kong. These will start to impart a feel for the Chinese social environment. Yes, not the same as what a mainlander would know. But it is close enough that opacity will acquire translucence.
And read up.
A lot.
四書五經與其他
SEI SYU NG GING, YIU KEI TAA
[Four writings, five warps, etcetera]
Necessary reading material will include a few in-depth books written by anthropologists and serious China scholars. No need to study these in detail, though, as even a light browse-through will leave you with as many off-kilter impressions as an in-depth cramming of the material would.
The point is to place a range of data in your mind, which you will use as building blocks for further thought.
A background in Chinese history is also essential.
Start with summer, end with today.
From the Hsia dynasty (夏朝 xia chao / 'haa chiu') down to the present.
夏
The Xia dynasty (夏朝 xia chao, 'haa chiu') reigned from 2070 bce to 1600 bce. During this period, the country went from tribal warfare and mythic kings to a centrally organized state, with many of the elements that we now recognize as Chinese: a hierarchical administrative structure, state cults centered around charismatic ancestors, plus bronzes, imperial tombs, and an ideographic writing system.
Much remains unknown or unsubstantiated about this era.
商
Xia (夏 'summer') was succeeded by Shang (商朝 Shang chao / 'seung chiu'), whose name means 'commerce'. They are also called 殷 (yin / 'yan'), which means 'flourishing, abundant; serious; dark red'. From 1600 bce to 1046 bce. Many more bronzes, and the great expansion from the north to the Yangtze river zone. Standardized weights and measures, script reform, more state cults. Shang fell apart when the last kings of that dynasty gave themselves over to degenerate behaviours.
The excess of which is legendary.
And not to be emulated.
周
When the 'Martial King' (周武王 zhou wu wang / 'jau mou wong') of the state of Wu (吳國 wu guo / 'ng gwok') led his troops across the Yellow River (黄河 huang he / 'wong ho') and defeated the Shang army at the 'battle of the cattle fields' (牧野之戰 mu ye zi zhan / 'muk ye ji jin') in 1046 bce, Shang ended, and the great classic age began. The last king of Shang covered himself with jewels, and committed suicide by self-immolation at the Deer Terrace (鹿台 lu tai / 'luk toi').
[Note that Zhou (周 'jau'; circuit, circumference, epoch, complete) was not the original surname. Zhou Wu Wang's clan was Ji (姬 'gei'; concubine, feminine entertainer) and his personal nomen was Fa (發 'faat'; issue, emit). The Ji name commemorates an ancestor descended from a consort to a legendary king.]
Wu Wang ('martial king') installed his father (the 'Literary King', 周文王 zhou wen wang / 'jau man wong') as monarch over the Zhou empire.
The Zhou dynasty lasted till from 1046 bce till 256 bce. During that time central authority fragmented, feudal lords became monarchs, various smaller states which still claimed allegiance to the dynasty waged war and slaughtered each other's tax bases, and bronze casting reached an apex unparalleled. Philosophy and literature were greatly developed -- this is the period of the 'Hundred Schools of Thought' (諸子百家 zhu zi bai jai / 'jyu ji baak gaa') -- and theories of governance and social order which continue to influence Chinese (both the people and their language) to this very day were born.
偏偏之足跡
PIN-PIN JI JUK-JIK
[Wandering footprints]
At this point, you should take a minor side track and read up a bit on Chinese literature and philosophy. You've acquired a slight grounding in the web and woof, now emerging patterns must be recognized.
The fundament of all Chinese thinking can be found in the four books and five classics (四書五經與其他 si shu wu jing / 'sei syu ng ging'), which are the core texts of Confucianism (儒教 ru jiao / 'yiu gaau'). Indeed, there is vastly more than that. But without an awareness of the 'teachings of the scholars' (儒教 "scholarly teachings"), any understanding of what everyone spent the next two millennia interacting with, or reacting against, is nearly impossible. The bureaucrats upheld orthodoxy, the literati commented on it and reformulated it, often heretically, and the rebels, rioters, and brigands that populate the pages of Chinese history borrowed and bastardized its ideas, deliberately mis-understood much, and used it when advantageous.
All subsequent literature and administration utilizes the thought processes and concepts formed by the material.
Even the simplest daily conversation will reflect this basis.
Which is what, exactly? What is this material?
FOUR WRITINGS
These are the core texts: Great Learning (大學), the Doctrine of the Median (中庸), Analects (論語), and the lessons of Mencius ( 孟子). In order, simplistically put: a fairly succinct outline for Chinese political and moral thought, how to maintain a balanced and equitable social structure, philosophical and moral lectures by Confucius and his students, and Mencius' discussions with various rulers who sought his advice.
[Great Learning: 大學 da xue, 'daai hok'; big study. Doctrine of the Mean: 中庸 zhong yong, 'jung yung'; central ordinary. Analects: 論語 lun yu, 'luen yue'; discourse and speaking. Mencius: 孟子 meng zi, 'maang ji'; the eminent master (372 bce to 289 bce), a scholar from Zou (鄒 'jau').]
There are a number of excellent translations, with commentary, on these four books. It is worthwhile to read them, but at the very least gaining an overview is fairly essential.
FIVE BOUND VOLUMES
Poetry, Documents, Rites, Changes, plus the Historical Record of the State of Lu (魯國 'lou kwok') which is entitled 'Spring and Autumn'. In short: three hundred and five ancient songs, documents and addresses by Zhou rulers, court rituals and ceremonies, a strange divination system, and a narrative.
[Classic of Poetry: 詩經 shi jing, 'si ging'; verses volume. Book of Documents: 尚書 shang shu, 'seung syu'; common writing. Book of Rites: 禮記 li ji, 'lai gei'; ritual records. I Ching (Book of Changes): 易經 yi jing, 'yi ging'; change volume. Spring and Autumn Annals: 春秋 chun qiu, 'chuen chau'.]
Some translations are crap, others are better. Avoid anything which paints the I Ching as some great spiritual masterpiece; it is more or less on the same plane as tarot cards. Again, at the very least get an overview of all of these.
There are actually more works than just the classic list (four and five), and often the number cited is thirteen.
The additional books are: Rites of Zhou 周禮 ('jau lei'); Ceremonies 儀禮 ('yi lei'); Zuo's Annals 左傳 ('jor chuen'); Gong-Yang's Annals 公羊傳 ('gung yeung chuen'); Gu-Liang's Annals 穀梁傳 ('guk leung chuen'); the Erya 爾雅 ('yi ngaa'); and the Classic of Filial Piety 孝經 ('haau ging'). The last one mentioned is virtually unreadable, and never the less extremely important; its contents encapsulate the entire welt-anschauung.
Most of these books were written during the twilight years of Zhou, standardized and edited in the centuries since, and finally 'canonized' nearly a millennium later.
There would have been many more, except that the tyrant of Qin (秦始皇帝 qin shi huang ti / 'chuen chi wong dai') destroyed the libraries and killed the literati (焚書坑儒 fen shu keng ru / 'fan shyu hang yiu'; "burn documents, bury scholars").
There are several important words you absolutely must add to your vocabulary and include in your mental toolbox, these being the key characteristics that the gentleman embodies, and the lesser man lacks:
仁 rén, 'yan': humaneness. 義 yì, 'yi': righteousness. 禮 lǐ, 'lai': propriety. 智 zhì, 'ji': wisdom. 信 xìn, 'seun': trustworthiness. 廉 lián, 'lim': incorruptibility. 誠 chéng, 'sing': sincerity. 忠 zhōng, 'jung': loyalty. 孝 xiào, 'haau': filial piety. 節 jié, 'jit': integrity. 恥 chǐ, 'chi': shame. 恕 shù, 'shue': lenience. 慧 huì, 'wai': intelligence. 勇 yǒng, 'yung': valour. 溫 wēn, 'wan': mildness. 良 liáng, 'leung': goodness. 恭 gong, 'gung': reverence. 儉 jiǎn, 'gim': thrift. 讓 rang, 'yeung': modesty. 正 zhèng, 'jing': correct, proper. 道 dào, 'dou': way, path, manner, direction. 德 dé, 'tak': virtue.
Note: the accented transcription is the Mandarin pronunciation, the second transcription is Cantonese.
北有長城、南有靈渠。
THE ENTIRE SHEBANG
[The North has the long wall, the South has a marvelous canal.]
The succession of dynasties and reigns since the first emperor of Qin re-unified China (at that point bigger and better than ever before) and destroyed as much of the Zhou heritage as he could -- while building the Great Wall (長城 zhang cheng / 'cheung sing') and causing the death of millions of his subjects in that project -- are somewhat less important than Xia, Shang, and Zhou to your understanding.
Han Dynasty 漢 ('hon') 206 bce to 220 ce. Three Kingdoms Period 三國 ('saam kwok') 220–265 ce. Western Jin Dynasty 西晉 ('sei juen') 265–317 ce. Eastern Jin Dynasty 東晉 ('tung juen') 317–420 ce. Southern and Northern Dynasties, Nán Běi Cháo 南北朝 ('naam pak chiu') 386-589 ce. Sui Dynasty 隋 ('cheui') 581–618 ce. Tang Dynasty 唐 ('tong') 618–907 ce. Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms 五代十國 ('ng toi sap kwok') 907–960 ce. Northern Song Dynasty, Běi Sòng 北宋 ('paak sung') 960–1127 ce. Southern Song Dynasty, Nán Sòng 南宋 ('naam sung') 1127–1279 ce. Liao Dynasty 遼 ('liu') 907–1125 ce. Jin Dynasty (Khitans) 金 ('gam') 1115–1234 ce. Western Xia (heathenish barbarians) 西夏 ('sei haa') 1038–1227 ce. Yuan Dynasty (Mongol psychopaths) 元 ('yuen') 1271–1368 ce. Ming Dynasty 明 ('ming') 1368–1662 ce. Qing Dynasty (Manchus) 清 ('ching') 1636–1911 ce.
If, at this point, you are getting the idea that there is a lot of seemingly extraneous data to absorb, you are right; those who do not know the past cannot repeat it.
In fact, as you progress, you should be mentally composing more and more lists: the dynasties; the important rulers, the rebels, the scholars, the conniving politicians, the great and horrific battles that killed millions, the poets whose words are immortal, the artistic developments, the various historic capital cities, the centres of commerce and culture, the regions and provinces, the rivers that keep overflowing........
An endless catalogue.
Delve into the post-classical literature too.
分久必合、合久必分。
WHAT IS SEPERATED COMES TOGETHER, WHAT IS WHOLE WILL FALL APART。
The Water Margin (水滸傳 shui hu zhuan / 'seui wu chuen') concerns a band of outlaws who hid out in the moorlands surrounding Mount Liang (梁山 liang shan / 'leung saan'), in resistance to corrupt officials and defiance against a rotten social order, somewhat like Robin Hood and his men.
The Romance of the Three Kingdoms (三國演義 san guo yan yi / 'saam kwok yin yi') tells the tale of three great generals (Cao Cao 曹操 'chou chou'; Lui Bei 劉備 'lau bei'; and Sun Quan 孫權 'suen kuen') whose efforts at the fall of the Han regime (漢朝 han chao / 'hon chiu') ended up creating three regional dynasties (魏 wei / 'ngai'; 蜀漢 shu han / 'suk hon'; 東吳 dong wu / 'tung ng'), dividing China. Chinese ideas of chivalry, gallantry, heroism and grand strategems, are all found in these two books.
The young should NOT read the Water Margin, lest they go off the derech, and the old must abjure the Three Kingdoms, so that they aren't tempted to conspire.
少不讀水滸, 老不讀三國 'siu pat dok seui wu, lou pat dok saam gwok'.
The Scholars (儒林外史 ru lin wai shi / 'yiu lam ngo si') tells of several literati whose lives interconnect, lampooning some and holding others up as examples. Not really a roman à clef, but never the less drawn on the author's own social world. It is very entertaining in parts, and dangerous too, especially for the established order.
There are other books, which you will discover as you go along. Many of them are famous, and sources of set phrases, twists of thought, sayings, proverbs, and pithy quotes. Your command of Chinese depends on these.
詩
Don't overlook the poetry of the Tang era either.
It's marvelous stuff.
Evocative.
And above all, learn how to swear. Foulness is just as important as all the rest, and what you overhear is often not the printed word or the elegant saying, though quite as well expressed. All within the four seas cuss, the Chinese often more than most. It adds a lyric quality to their speech, and sharpens sarcasm, cynicism, irony, and despair.
Vitriol is the life blood of a language.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
Wednesday, January 01, 2014
SPEAKING IN THE THIRD CREATURE
Mister Badger sipped his warm mixture of coffee and tea, and smiled to himself. It was fortunate that there was no one else around, as, naturally, this displayed his sharp teeth. Rabbits had wet themselves when he did so in public. It had been a good day. He had wandered around the Wild Wood, animal watching after enjoying a nice hot bowl of porridge and a bit of fried dough. Two pipes! The tin of Escudo that he had opened recently was over three years old, and the combination of flue-cured leaf and perique spun in disc form had aged superlatively!
The animal watching was not as delightful as it had been yesterday. Then he had observed with secret delight the lissome angulations of weasels and ferrets, and their bright bright eyes darting curiously everywhere as their little snouts twitched. Most appealing!
Today, it had been older beasts. Many stores were closed because of the holiday, and most creatures on the main drag were mutton-faced baboons from out of town. Plus several lumbering suburban moose, who didn't know the neighborhood, and by their pie-eyed milling around in front of stores selling trinkets showed that neither common sense nor good taste were significant elements in their world. After finishing his second smoke, mister Badger caught the bus across the hill.
It was already twilight.
A few stops later, a dignified elderly stoat got on at the same time as two unbalanced groundhogs. One of the hogs kept insanely gibbering about how happy he was with his coffee, just enough money left for a nice cup how lucky, hello my little friend how are you, oh so happy happy coffee coffee coffee! The other groundhog belched. The elderly stoat avoided their eyes, not wanting to be roped into a crazy public transit conversation.
Mister Badger, being quite clearly a bad-tempered old cooze -- at least, that was the image he desperately tried to project under these circumstances -- was in no danger. The two female ferrets with the infant on the other side also tried to stay out of the conversation.
The child had not responded to the greeting from the happy coffee creep, and he returned his attention to his belching acquaintance.
The odd blathering opposite him stilled when the caffeinated groundhog left the conveyance. Mister Badger hoped that the belcher would not get off at the same stop as he himself, but wasn't too worried. He knew which copse of trees that particular seedy individual inhabited. For the last three blocks he listened in on the two lady ferrets and the tyke instead.
Occasionally the groundhog in the corner belched.
And grunted in a satisfied way.
When he got home, he discovered that the savage kitten who lived on the other side of the den had not yet returned. She was probably out gaily gallivanting with her young wolverine. Good. He started up the computer, and read a bit of news while polishing the stems of two pipes. A lovely smooth Barling, and a Stanwell sandblast. Both were medium-large billiard shapes with tapered stems. The carbon rubber had oxidized slightly, not enough to be really noticeable, except to an anal-retentive Badger.
Who, in a way, was neurotic and a perfectionist.
Albeit in other ways somewhat messy.
Clean plates and cutlery.
But no dusting.
Both days had been exceptionally good. He wondered if he would ever see the lovely ferret with the glasses again, who had engaged him in conversation at the snackeria the previous day.
She had been quite charming.
The world would be a better place if there were more like her.
Her eyes, it seemed, twinkled with good humour.
But maybe that had been the glasses.
Still. Nice to remember.
The articles on the Beaver Broadcasting Corporation website were substantially the same as they had been in the morning.
The first day of the year, clearly, had been quiet.
Which was just as it should be.
No new news is good news.
By the time he had nearly finished his hot beverage, he ran spellcheck on a little essay he had written.
The program did not like the following words: Perique. Angulations. Cooze. Caffeinated. Belcher. Barling. Stanwell. Snackeria.
STET. Spellcheck wasn't perfect.
Hit publish.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
The animal watching was not as delightful as it had been yesterday. Then he had observed with secret delight the lissome angulations of weasels and ferrets, and their bright bright eyes darting curiously everywhere as their little snouts twitched. Most appealing!
Today, it had been older beasts. Many stores were closed because of the holiday, and most creatures on the main drag were mutton-faced baboons from out of town. Plus several lumbering suburban moose, who didn't know the neighborhood, and by their pie-eyed milling around in front of stores selling trinkets showed that neither common sense nor good taste were significant elements in their world. After finishing his second smoke, mister Badger caught the bus across the hill.
It was already twilight.
A few stops later, a dignified elderly stoat got on at the same time as two unbalanced groundhogs. One of the hogs kept insanely gibbering about how happy he was with his coffee, just enough money left for a nice cup how lucky, hello my little friend how are you, oh so happy happy coffee coffee coffee! The other groundhog belched. The elderly stoat avoided their eyes, not wanting to be roped into a crazy public transit conversation.
Mister Badger, being quite clearly a bad-tempered old cooze -- at least, that was the image he desperately tried to project under these circumstances -- was in no danger. The two female ferrets with the infant on the other side also tried to stay out of the conversation.
The child had not responded to the greeting from the happy coffee creep, and he returned his attention to his belching acquaintance.
The odd blathering opposite him stilled when the caffeinated groundhog left the conveyance. Mister Badger hoped that the belcher would not get off at the same stop as he himself, but wasn't too worried. He knew which copse of trees that particular seedy individual inhabited. For the last three blocks he listened in on the two lady ferrets and the tyke instead.
Occasionally the groundhog in the corner belched.
And grunted in a satisfied way.
When he got home, he discovered that the savage kitten who lived on the other side of the den had not yet returned. She was probably out gaily gallivanting with her young wolverine. Good. He started up the computer, and read a bit of news while polishing the stems of two pipes. A lovely smooth Barling, and a Stanwell sandblast. Both were medium-large billiard shapes with tapered stems. The carbon rubber had oxidized slightly, not enough to be really noticeable, except to an anal-retentive Badger.
Who, in a way, was neurotic and a perfectionist.
Albeit in other ways somewhat messy.
Clean plates and cutlery.
But no dusting.
Both days had been exceptionally good. He wondered if he would ever see the lovely ferret with the glasses again, who had engaged him in conversation at the snackeria the previous day.
She had been quite charming.
The world would be a better place if there were more like her.
Her eyes, it seemed, twinkled with good humour.
But maybe that had been the glasses.
Still. Nice to remember.
The articles on the Beaver Broadcasting Corporation website were substantially the same as they had been in the morning.
The first day of the year, clearly, had been quiet.
Which was just as it should be.
No new news is good news.
By the time he had nearly finished his hot beverage, he ran spellcheck on a little essay he had written.
The program did not like the following words: Perique. Angulations. Cooze. Caffeinated. Belcher. Barling. Stanwell. Snackeria.
STET. Spellcheck wasn't perfect.
Hit publish.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
CHARMING WOMEN, MEN IN SKIRTS; HAPPY NEW YEAR
There was no intemperate behaviour at the place where I spent New Year's Eve. No one got drunk, swozzled, tipsy, or even mildly flushed. At least not until after I left. No, it isn't because my presence cramps people, but because we were there to enjoy fine tobacco in good company while ticking off the moments left in 2013.
At a certain point, celebratory hats and tiaras were handed around. They were worn with good grumbly grace, for all of ten minutes.
Following bubblies they were discarded. By then they were badly bent and trashed, as for some reason paper party goods manufacturers assume that all people are microcephalic pinheads, with crania shaped like traffic cones.
To keep the toppers from sliding off, they had to be jammed down.
That, too, contributed a bit to the cheerful silliness.
But once twelve A.M. passed we reverted.
We are all mature individuals.
With cigars and pipes.
I honestly cannot remember anyone drinking to excess.
Actually, the most enjoyable part of the evening had been earlier at the bakery in Chinatown. The people there were glad to see me, and at one point a very charming young lady asked me if I was a teacher.
In Chinese, the term for teacher is quite respectful.
Lao shr (老師 'elderly master').
Yes, she spoke Mandarin. Which is something I can only do very badly. But she had heard me talking in Cantonese. Which I do slightly less badly. And at one point I proved that I can read characters associated with food. Which is something I do rather well.
我不是老師，只是記賬員。
The bakery does not have a selection of fine whiskeys or a humidor. Obviously there is room for such a business, it's an undiscovered market segment; a new paradigm. A smoking club with an excellent & extensive selection of pastries, a tea room with single malts and rolled fermented leaves. Open it, and we will come. Don't worry, we know how to behave. We are modest, and have good habits. There will not be any excessive consumption of alcoholic bevs. Or attitudinal theatrics.
Not as long as the milk tea holds out.
We will enjoy little snackies in between our smokes!
The only skirts I saw yesterday evening belonged to men with leather utili-kilts, and a flock of high-legged damsels who flitted past the smoking establishment. Some of the patrons promptly went outside to observe their tottering retreat as they headed down to Montgomery, much to the amusement of the cigar-smoking ladies who remained inside.
We had to explain that it was scientific curiosity.
How do they WALK in those things?
It's a miracle!
Balls were festively dropped, good cheer was had by most, and several fine Hondurans and Nicaraguans went up in flame.
I may have been the sanest and most sober passenger on the jam-packed bus back over Nob Hill.
Other than the resigned looking Cantonese couple next to me.
Who were bemused by the chaos of it all.
Giddy whitish youth.
Tipsy.
Happy 2014.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
At a certain point, celebratory hats and tiaras were handed around. They were worn with good grumbly grace, for all of ten minutes.
Following bubblies they were discarded. By then they were badly bent and trashed, as for some reason paper party goods manufacturers assume that all people are microcephalic pinheads, with crania shaped like traffic cones.
To keep the toppers from sliding off, they had to be jammed down.
That, too, contributed a bit to the cheerful silliness.
But once twelve A.M. passed we reverted.
We are all mature individuals.
With cigars and pipes.
I honestly cannot remember anyone drinking to excess.
Actually, the most enjoyable part of the evening had been earlier at the bakery in Chinatown. The people there were glad to see me, and at one point a very charming young lady asked me if I was a teacher.
In Chinese, the term for teacher is quite respectful.
Lao shr (老師 'elderly master').
Yes, she spoke Mandarin. Which is something I can only do very badly. But she had heard me talking in Cantonese. Which I do slightly less badly. And at one point I proved that I can read characters associated with food. Which is something I do rather well.
我不是老師，只是記賬員。
The bakery does not have a selection of fine whiskeys or a humidor. Obviously there is room for such a business, it's an undiscovered market segment; a new paradigm. A smoking club with an excellent & extensive selection of pastries, a tea room with single malts and rolled fermented leaves. Open it, and we will come. Don't worry, we know how to behave. We are modest, and have good habits. There will not be any excessive consumption of alcoholic bevs. Or attitudinal theatrics.
Not as long as the milk tea holds out.
We will enjoy little snackies in between our smokes!
The only skirts I saw yesterday evening belonged to men with leather utili-kilts, and a flock of high-legged damsels who flitted past the smoking establishment. Some of the patrons promptly went outside to observe their tottering retreat as they headed down to Montgomery, much to the amusement of the cigar-smoking ladies who remained inside.
We had to explain that it was scientific curiosity.
How do they WALK in those things?
It's a miracle!
Balls were festively dropped, good cheer was had by most, and several fine Hondurans and Nicaraguans went up in flame.
I may have been the sanest and most sober passenger on the jam-packed bus back over Nob Hill.
Other than the resigned looking Cantonese couple next to me.
Who were bemused by the chaos of it all.
Giddy whitish youth.
Tipsy.
Happy 2014.
==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================
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GRITS AND TOFU
Like most Americans, I have a list of people who should be peacefully retired from public service and thereafter kept away from their desks,...
