BUT BESIDES VEGEMITE ...

News from Australia strongly indicates that backpackers are not like you and me, but are, in fact, disconnected from the harsh realities of a cruel world. Either that or European. Five French people, two Germans, an Italian, and a Moroccan. Between 21 and 25 years of age.
All nine were hospitalized for being stupid.


CITE:

They were staying at a property in the city's Victoria Park district when a package arrived in the post addressed to a previous occupant, one of the victims told the West Australian newspaper.

They decided to open the package and found a white powder inside, wrapped in a piece of paper bearing the word "scoop".

Believing the powder to be cocaine, they divided it into nine doses and snorted it up their noses.

END CITE.


[SOURCE: BBC - Australia drugs: Backpackers in hospital after snorting white powder.]


I'll grant that this small group may not be a representative sample of the genus, but will never the less argue that their giddy optimism is typical.

Normal people do not put unidentified chemicals in their nostrils. Marbles and peas, perhaps. Even the attractive digits of random strangers.

Not crystalline substances of unknown provenance.


I have been normal for a long time, and I have never done anything like that.
Many things. Draino, no. Salt or sugar, no. Illicit substances, no. Granulated instant coffee in hopes that it would get me high, no.

Finely ground tobacco (snuff) to alleviate nasal distress caused by people on the bus or backpackers, yes. I always have a small container of snuff with me when I am away from the apartment.



Never once have I regretted not arduously hiking across exotic locales in an unwashed state and breaking local drug laws while having irresponsible sex with stringy blondes. Australia, for instance.

My favourite substances are caffeine, nicotine, and capsaicin.
Plus highly refined sugar and theobromine.




LAGNIAPPE: IRUKANDJI JELLIES

From Wikipedia:

Contrary to belief, researchers from James Cook University and Cairns hospital in far north Queensland have found that vinegar promotes the discharge of jellyfish venom. "You can increase the venom load in your victim by 50 per cent," says Associate Professor Jamie Seymour from the Australian Institute of Tropical Health and Medicine at the university. "That's a big amount, and that's enough to make the difference, we think, between someone surviving and somebody dying." However, other research indicates that while vinegar may increase the discharge from triggered stingers, it also prevents untriggered stingers from discharging; since the majority of stingers do not trigger immediately, the Australian Resuscitation Council continues to recommend using vinegar.

Treatment is symptomatic, with antihistamines and anti-hypertensive drugs used to control inflammation and hypertension; intravenous opiates, such as morphine and fentanyl, are used to control the pain. Magnesium sulfate has been used to reduce pain and hypertension in Irukandji syndrome, although it has had no effect in other cases.


Cramps, burning sensations, headaches, nausea.
Psychosis, vomiting, and death.
Australia.




==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

THIS IS SO RIGHT!

There are times when my faith in humanity is restored, often when reading something eye-opening and truthy. Like many celebrities, I have my moments of doubt -- especially self-doubt -- but I transcend those and concentrate on bringing goodness and light into the world.


Probably the best news ever, from the internet:


"Australia is not real. It's a hoax, made for us to believe that Britain moved over their criminals to someplace. In reality, all these criminals were loaded off the ships into the waters, drowning before they could see land ever again. It's a coverup for one of the greatest mass murders in history, made by one of the most prominent empires."

"Australia does not exist. All things you call "proof" are actually well fabricated lies and documents made by the leading governments of the world. Your Australian friends? They're all actors and computer generated personas, part of the plot to trick the world."

"If you think you've ever been to Australia, you're terribly wrong. The plane pilots are all in on this, and have in all actuality only flown you to islands close nearby - or in some cases, parts of South America, where they have cleared space and hired actors to act out as real Australians."

"Australia is one of the biggest hoaxes ever created, and you have all been tricked. Join the movement today, and make it known that they have been deceived. Make it known, that this has all just been a cover-up. The things these "Australian" says to be doing, all these swear words and actions based on alcoholism, MDMA and bad decisions, are all ways to distract you from the ugly truth that is one of the greatest genocides in history. 162,000 people was said to have been transported to this imaginary land during a mere 80 years, and they are all long dead by now. They never reached that promised land."

"Tell the truth. Stand up for what is right. Make sure to spread the world - Australia is not real. It's a codeword for the cold blooded murder of more than a hundred thousand people, and it is not okay. We will not accept this."

"Stand up for the ones who died. Let it be known, that Australia does not exist."


-----Joey Lamkin, Emergency Management Agent, North Texas.

Source: China and Texas probably shouldn't exist either.



"The world is shaped like a burrito.""

-----Gwyneth Paltrow




==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

THE BRITISH COLONIAL CO.: THE END OF THE SPICE TRADE

As it turns out, an Australian theme-restaurant that recalls the glory days of the British Empire has woken the ire of the internet world. British Colonial Co. said that it was "inspired by the empirical push into the developing cultures of the world". Social media was outraged. And social media, which features the underreported voice of right thinking white middle class liberals and wannabee white middle class liberals, promptly fired off hate mail, blistering sarcasm, and snide comments.

Outraged!

As am I.

They serve something containing quinoa!

And:
"Seared Salmon, pont neuf potatoes, parsnip puree bacon crumb. Watermelon & Chilli Mojito. Chefs special "Goldband Snapper, clam vichyssoise, baby leeks & watercress". Smashed avo with beetroot hummus and dill oil. Chickpea coated baby squid, black pudding, molasses, pickled cucumber and kiwi chive salsa. Chicken, rosemary quince pate with apricot puree and sourdough. Middle eastern seven spice Cape Grim Sirloin, truffle smoked potato mash and iceberg and cornichon salad, Panko prawns with cucumber, mango & chilli salad and avocado mousse. The Imperial, a concoction of tequila, chamomile, lime juice, grapefruit and aperol. Rosewater melon, dragon fruit, pomegranate, rockmelon, strawberries, chia seeds & Saffron labneh. Tandoori braised beef cheek with Jewel quinoa, sweet potato purée, kale and been sprouts" ......

"Hickory smoked quail with tarragon polenta, African-influenced eggplant spinach sauce, and a taro and onion jam."

[SOURCE: their horrific Facebook page.]



Where's the Lady Curzon Soup, the Residency Curry, Groundnut Chop, Ball Curry over Coconut Rice, and Mango Fool?!?

The only appropriate drinks, by the way, are Scotch, Scotch and Soda, Gin and Tonic, Gin Pahit, and nimboo panee.

Condiments: ketchup, wooster.


Anyhow, if you're in the area (they're in  Syndey  Brisbane), please drop by for some tiffin. Especially if you need to get away from Spaghetti sandwiches, Snags, Pavlova, and Vegemite.




==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

THE VEGEMITE-BRAINED LOON

It is immensely comforting to find out that it isn't just us; there are braying nutballs elsewhere in the world. Australia has, among others, Malcolm Roberts. Who is a Queensland senator from the One Nation Party, more or less the equivalent of the Partij Van De Vrijheid in the Netherlands, which has its own share of boobies, and the current nucleus of the Republican Party, very disably led by Donald "Tangerine-faced Cocksplat" Trump.

Mr. Roberts firmly believes that the United Nations invented climate change as a means towards imposing a one-world government.
Which queer belief assumes overmuch intelligence in that body.

He also believes in a banker conspiracy directing world affairs.
Again, an assumption of vast intelligence.


Here, chosen mostly at random, are points from a document that he authored a while back, which seems to be some kind of declaration of his personal war against sanity.

Cite:
I, Malcolm-Ieuan: Roberts., the living soul has not seen or been presented with any material facts or evidence that man has not created government, and believe that none exist.

I, Malcolm-Ieuan: Roberts., the living soul has not seen or been presented with any material facts or evidence that I, Malcolm-Ieuan: Roberts., the living soul am not a beneficiary of the public trust, or evidence that the Australian Government is not a trustee in the public trust and believe that none exist.

I, Malcolm-Ieuan: Roberts., the living soul has not seen or been presented with any material facts or evidence that compels me, Malcolm-Ieuan: Roberts., the living soul or any other free man to be a member of a society and believe that none exist.

I, Malcolm-Ieuan: Roberts., the living soul has not seen or been presented with any material facts or evidence that I, Malcolm-Ieuan: Roberts., the living soul am the birth certificate, and believe that none exist.
End cite.

[SOURCE: Affidavit of Notice of Standing and Further and Better Particulars and Proof of Claim.]


Well isn't that special?

It's positively manifestoish.

But wait! There's more!

Cite:
The UN’s forty-year campaign fabricating climate fraud used strategies and tactics proven 100 years ago. They’re similar to those used by international bankers in their thirty-year campaign from the 1880’s to gain control of the USA’s money supply, finances and economy.

Until his retirement in November 2012 Dr. Ron Paul was a member of America’s House of Representatives. He’s highly regarded by both Democrats and Republicans ...

Internationally regarded American educator John Taylor Gatto’s research reveals that the public education system has been designed to suppress individualism and critical thinking to prepare people for life under central control.

International bankers aim to dumb-down children through state-controlled education. They aim to produce fodder for factories and warring armies. They want fodder that cannot think for itself and is acquiescent.
End cite.

[SOURCE: http://www.climate.conscious.com.au/docs/new/14_Appendix.pdf.]

All of this, and very much else, demonstrates almost conclusively that Vegemite is a dangerous parasitic substance that inexorably takes over the hollow brain chambers of its victims.

Thank goodness we are not afflicted thus.

Poor sodding Australians.

In Queensland.



There is a slim possibility that all of this is Dada Poetry.
But without evidence for that, I'll assume Vegemite.




==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

AUSTRALIAN POETRY PROFESSOR BARRY SPURR WRITES CODED LOVE NOTES

Much the same way that some American academics refer to Jews as 'filthy kikes' or 'zionist crypto-masons', and African Americans as 'jive-ass jiggaboos', the Australians have their own bad boy intellectuals.
Consider, for instance, Professor Barry Spurr, formerly instructor of versifying at the University of Sydney, who used such eloquent and meaningful terms as 'abo', 'abo lover', 'mussie', and 'chinky-poo'.

Nelson Mandela was identified as a 'darky'.

[SOURCE: Sydney academic Barry Spurr resigns over racist emails.]

"HUMAN RUBBISH TIP"

Picture courtesy of the BBC.

From all accounts, prof. Barry Spurr is a sterling fellow, and very white.

Just not a man of temperate and considered vocabulary.

But not at all a stuck-up sticky bit!

Or a poofter.



Blimey, it's hot in here, Bruce.

Who is minding the sheep dip?




==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

SEA SHEPHERD PIRATES

According to judge Alex Kozinski of the United States court of appeals for the ninth circuit, the Sea Shepherd crew are pirates.

[Source: http://cdn.ca9.uscourts.gov/datastore/general/2013/02/25/1235266.pdf. Ref: Appeal from the United States District Court for the Western District of Washington; opinion; No. 12-35266 D.C. No. 2:11-cv-02043-RAJ.]

I realize that many Dutchmen, New Zealanders, and Kangaroo-buggering cretins, pardon, "Australians" may disagree with that. Their objections are more than likely based on faulty thinking, insufferable self-righteousness, sanctimony, and a typical racist "we are better than that bunch" ideology.
Oh buggery well, and too bad.
Get stuffed.

Quote: "When you ram ships, hurl glass containers of acid, drag metal-reinforced ropes in the water to damage propellers and rudders, launch smoke bombs and flares with hooks; and point high-powered lasers at other ships, you are, without a doubt, a pirate."
End quote.

Quote: "The activities that Cetacean [the Japanese whalers] alleges Sea Shepherd has engaged in are clear instances of violent acts for private ends, the very embodiment of piracy."
End quote.

[Quote source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-21589352.]


This blogger has long maintained that if the Japanese were to blast those violent activists to kingdom-come, they would be well within their rights, AND in accord with international laws against piracy. It is to their credit that they so far have not sank the Sea Shepherd, nor strung the Dutch, New Zealander, and Australian criminals up from the yard arm. Perhaps it's because modern ships don't actually have yard arms.

Quote: "It is for Australia, not Sea Shepherd, to police Australia's court orders."
End quote.


If you want to stop Japanese whaling, go to court. Request that your elected representatives stop violating kangaroos. Or, if you are in the Netherlands or New Zealand, get them to stop violating other beasts.
Force them to take action.


Now, can we lock up that bunch of nauseating racist holier-than-thou twats who have been taking the law into their own hands, and sue Paul Watson for funding criminal acts?


By the way, feel free to disagree with this post. If I even let your comments through, it might very well be because I wish to rip your argument to shreds, or highlight what an utter pustule you are. Normally I'm all for freedom of speech, but I'm somewhat bilious at present.

Comments by Dutch-speakers are automatically suspect.



==========================================================================
NOTE: If you wish, you may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

FABULOUS UGG BOOTS HERE!

Judging by the amount of traffic this blog receives from unusual sources, womankind is obsessed with footwear. Specifically, Ugg boots. Women, the spammadores seem to suggest, cannot imagine existence without an endless supply of ugly Australian sheepbanger boots. Life would be unbearable, devoid of the comfortable and extremely smelly footgear which are the antipodes only claim to fame!
How horrible! No Uggs!

This blogger finds that hard to believe. Not only is Australia also famous for other things (Spaghetti sandwiches, Chateau Chunder Zinfandel, and Vegemite, inter alia), but I personally know many women who would not be caught dead wearing Uggs.
And yes, you've guessed rightly, none of them are blonde.

Not that I have anything AGAINST blondes.
Some of the nicest people are that way.
One can only feel sorry for them.


AN UGGSTREME OPINION

Real women do NOT purchase Ugg boots. Not in a million years. People who wear Uggs are either Australian sheepbangers, possibly flatulent from eating too many spaghetti sandwiches, with vegemite and faux zinfandel, OR they are slut monsters from very bad places, in all likelihood the Midwest or Holland. Low morals, base tastes, absent any ethical AND aesthetical considerations, probably near-illiterate, with extremely dubious mating habits, addictions to shopping, cheap wine, and sports-watching men, and garish multi-hued nailpolish and eye-shadow.

Ugg-wearing women are not the kind you bring home to mother.
Nor do you wish to be seen with them in your favourite bars, clubs, intimate little restaurants, hip bistros, or Chinatown noodle houses.

Judging by the texts of many Ugg outlets who have tried seeding the comments section here -- mistakenly entering their adds into the field titled 'LETTERBOX' -- they are all of the above, plus Dutch. Netherlanders. Very stupid merchants garbling the very fine language of Vondel, Brederode, and Willem Godschalk Van Fockenbrock.
De originele 'domme blondjes'.


In English, the word 'ugg' sounds like an exclamation you would utter after stepping in sheep do. In Dutch, it sounds like a grunt during unpleasant sexual activity.
I think it's German.
Upstanding women do not engage in unpleasant sexual activity, rarely step in dung, and do not wear Uggs.

Instead, they read Vondel (not a bad poet, by any means), Brederode (a splendid versifier and wicked playwright), and Willem Godschalk Van Fockenbrock.

No one should eat spaghetti sandwiches and vegemite, either or both washed down with bucketfulls of mediocre antipodean zinfy.
It's what should be upchucked into Uggs.
Go on, heave! There's room a-plenty.
Your sheepbanger won't notice.
It smells just like him.


This post is lovingly dedicated to everyone who sells Uggs, wears them, or has an unspeakable fetish for feet garbed in them.
I love you guys.


AFTER WORD

If you are a girl who despises Uggs, reads obscure authors and poets, and likes intimate little restaurants and bistros, drop me a line.
We can go have noodles in Chinatown.
You know how to contact me.
It's called "letterbox".
See below.



==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================

VEGEMITE: SEDUCTIVEL​Y APPETIZING SPREAD, AUSTRALIAN MIRACLE FOOD, AND WOMBAT REPELLENT

A scrap of literature, that I ran across while doing research, stuck in my head.
I think it was meant to be frankly erotic, but as I glanced only fleetingly at it while cruising the internet, I am not entirely sure.

"She stepped through the door carrying a wombat..."

That immediately sets the tale in Australia.
I wonder what type of wombat - there are three kinds:

The common wombat - Vombatus ursinus
The Northern hairy-nosed wombat - Lasiorhinus krefftii
The Southern hairy-nosed wombat - Lasiorhinus latifrons

But it doesn't really matter.  All three are foul-tempered and unpleasant creatures, which when fully grown can be dangerous, besides smelling bad. So it must have been a juvenile wombat. Additionally, the wombat is a fairly useless thing - they aren't edible, and attempts to raise them for dairy, if attempted, have almost certainly come to naught - and even the fur is unpleasant, shaggy, and coarse. Juveniles, of course, have softer fur.
So the only reasonable supposition is that she was carrying a baby wombat for the sheer sensual experience of doing so.
Small, cuddly, and fuzzy.
I'll assume also that she was nude.
What does a warm animal feel like against the skin?

There are good reasons NOT to be unclothed around cats and dogs.  Yes, cat pelt feels wonderful, but they have claws.  Dogs tend to be forward.
Both can bite when disconcerted.
Smaller animals are better.  A pet squirrel, for instance, or a rabbit.
Better yet, a bear skin rug.  No behavioural problems at all, completely clean, and guaranteed soft.

Fur, nakedness, and a selection of delicious pastries.

See, that's the main reason why I didn't bother reading the Australian erotic fiction referenced above.
A grumpy beast, a sun-freckled leathery outback woman, and very likely vegemite.
Nothing I want to ever be a part of involves vegemite.

Vegemite also doesn't keep wombats away, so it's pretty much useless.

I will tolerate erotic writing that includes fur, lovely silky skin, cleanliness, and warmth.
But not wombats, Australians, or quasi-vegetable byproducts of very dubious edibility.


==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================