BREAKFAST IS FOR LOSERS

My morning routine for many years has consisted of strong coffee, smoking my pipe, and diving into the news-cesspit on the internet. Food is not part of the programme. Maybe pastry or a cookie several hours after getting up. Consequently I am virtually untouched by the peculiar cereal products Americans favour, which were invented strictly to keep them from masturbating or committing unspeakable acts early in the day. Which, seeing as normal people do not have such appetites at that hour proves that Americans are depraved.
Possibly congenitally.

You people need the flaked sawdust sugar confections that keep you from doing disgusting things in the morning. We Dutch, whether colonially born or Netherlands based, are cleanminded and rational. Just coffee. I speak for myself. As the example.
Some others might need a dry crust with cheese pairing.

Many people in this country also need a plate piled high with fried food. They are desperately fighting their bestial natures, and believe that indigestive bloating will pull their reproductive organs out of their minds. The English are that obsessed that they will do all that and take cold showers too in attempts to not go all royal navy or public school boy on each other.

We Dutch have our jaundiced eye upon you. Not from voyeurism -- we're far from being peeping Toms -- but because we are keen to know what you'll do next.
We just scrubbed those floors, you know.

We worry.



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