FABULOUS DINING!

One day the ant was struggling back to the nest with a big lump of fruit, when it encountered the grasshopper. It had seen the grasshopper before, and really admired the thick strong legs, well-rounded shoulders, deep chest, and impressive musculature of the creature. Surely so athletic and well-endowed an insect was capable of garnering much food? Achieving greatness?
Succeeding in life?

So it stopped and asked the grasshopper what it was doing. “I am dancing an ode to summer”, said the grasshopper, “it is deeply meaningful, and an act of beauty”.
It preened itself, satisfied that it was creating good in the world.

“But of what use is that?” asked the ant, “we’re already in early October, and soon it will turn cold – please tell me what you have done to prepare?”

“Not a darn thing”, boasted the big green layabout, “I don’t have to – my song is my meal ticket, and people love my performances.”
The ant was amazed at the hubris and self-delusion the creature displayed.
Did the grasshopper perhaps have a rich daddy? A secret bank account?
A trust fund that enabled it to do things no one else could dream of?

But the more questions it asked, the more it became clear that the grasshopper was a dill-head with not a care in the world, incapable of conceiving anything more complex than fun, parties, and politically approved forms of artistic self-expression.

“La la la”, sang the grasshopper, “la la la.”
And with every further query, it would respond “la la la”.

What about winter? Food stored up for when the cold struck?

“La la la, la la la!”

It was all incredibly irritating. The big green spam brain just kept repeating the same gay refrain.


“La la la, la la, la la la, la lah!!!”


By this time, there was a whole crew of ants around, listening with increasing vexation to the exchange. Because, after all, ants follow well-defined trails which have been scent marked, and the grasshopper had just stumbled across their food-supply route while they were working.
They were rather resentful of the lack of foresight the grasshopper evinced.
Such a parasite. Conceited and lazy.
A blithering idiot.

So they killed him, and sliced his big body into strips, to be dried into jerky for winter.
Both zesty teriyaki flavor, AND tangy chipotle!
There would be an abundance, because grasshoppers are at least two hundred times the size of ants, maybe more!
Kind of the equivalent of Cro-Magnons slaughtering a mastodon.

Then they took the soft spongiform brain, and made it into a tasty pie.
There was enough for everyone.

It was a feast!


*       *       *       *       *


There's an ant highway along the edge of the parking lot. Everytime I go out to smoke, I visit my little hardworking friends. When the sun shines they walk behind the concrete edging, in the shade, to avoid burning their feet.
When it's overcast or chilly they stride along the top of the concrete.
I admire their collective intelligence and enterprise.
And, of course, their tireless industry.

Kudos, little fellas, kudos.



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