Yesterday I delicately hinted that a mere twenty-four hours seemed stingy for a celebration of 'Dutch-American Heritage', especially when other groups got an entire month.
It was a note of bitterness - why, I seemed to ask, do we only get just one day, one lousy day, one stinking unexciting single cold autumn day, when other groups get an entire month?
An entire month!
What are we, gehakte leber?!?
[Groups like the Jews (all Dutch anyhow), Blacks (neither Jews nor Dutch), Historical Women (who?), the Irish (quite inferior to the Dutch), Sober People (what?), Asian Pacific Islanders (very much appreciated by the Dutch), Confoederates (damned Romans!), Haitians (not Dutch), Halifax Asians (Canadians! 'Nuff said), Jewish-Americans (Dutch, I keep telling you!), Latinos (people from Aruba, Bonaire, and Curaçao), National Parks (not even people!), Older Americans (crabby, just like the Dutch), People of Restricted Access (whatever that means - not Dutch), Dancing Ukrainians (well, at least they're not killing people - not Dutch at all), Zoos (we Dutch have a zoo too - Artis), Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender people (I got nothing, discuss), Carribeans (Aruba, Bonaire, Curaçao, Suriname, and some Dutch-owned boogers on a map), Portuguese, Graeco-Americans, Hispanic-Latinos, Italian Americans, Conscious and Employed Disabled Nationals, Polish Americans, American Indians, Retailers, and Human Rights Shmoes (all of them not Dutch either). All of these get an entire month.]
See this post:
http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/11/time-for-serious-fun.html
Fellow blogger Tzipporah commented:
"Oops, guess I missed it. Maybe you can stretch it out by questioning the basis of the calendar... ;) "
[Tzipporah blogs here: http://midianitemanna.blogspot.com/]
Guess you missed it? How! Could! You?
Such a gevaldige day. Too.
Sniff.
But her comment was, nevertheless, brilliant.
EPPES BRILLIANT!
In chutz l'aretz, chagim are TWO days. This is based on the communication via signal fires (or telegrams, in our era) from the Amsterdam Beis Din to the yeshives outside the land.
Per the gemara, when the two days of Yom Ha Nirlandim-Amerikani fall immediately prior to Shabbes, the lechem hashakad ("BOTERKOEK") is eaten on the eleventh day after being baked.
[Which, lechatchila AND kal ve chomer, implies an extension of ten days beyond the first day even during times when that is not the case, in order to be mehudar min hamhudar min hamhudar min chol mehadrin (min hamehameha).]
Rashi asks why does the Beraisa say two days of Yom Ha Nirlandim-Amerikani, and not 'two days of yontif sheni shel galuyes'?
Irritatingly, he answers his own question by explaining "in the years of the Boterkoek (in other words, during the Dutch Golden Age), there was no second day of Yontif, nebech".
[But Rashi lived in France - vos sol a farkakte Tzarfiter foon puterkichel oder mandelgebektes veissen? Meh, doch, es macht emmes kein difirentz.]
Good.
So I should be able to drag Dutch-American Heritage Day all the way into Thanksgiving then.
Hah, screw those Puritans, their little dry-birdie feast does not concern me, as I shall be celebrating our 'Dutch-American Heritage'.
Whatever that is.
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I believe that Shabbos lasts for two days in chutz la'aretz as well (especially in countries straddling the international dateline, and those with midnight sun).
Making the week longer stretches the Jewish year at least a month longer than the solar calendar. And during leap year, two months longer.
Should give you plenty of time to bay at the moon for kiddush levana and make Buttercake Heritage Day as lengthy and tedious as you wish.
Buttercake Heritage Day
Keep an anxious eye on this space for the Hagadah Shel Yom Ha Nirlandim-Amerikani.
And the Reform version of that Hagadah. As well as the Maxwell House Version, the version of the Gra, the Gedolei Yisroel Edition, the Reconstructionist Version, the Dieter's Version, the .......
All choc full of symbolism.
Why? Because we can - we have a captive audience that MUST! NOT! ASSIMILATE!
And no, Boterkoek made with margarine or olive oil is NOT kosher shel yom ha Nirlandim-Amerikani. That's like eating kitnios on Pesach.
I'm pretty sure it was the Gra who canonized The Throwing of the Clogs at Furriners as belonging on the fourth day, and not the fifth, but you can look it up.
Also, the imperative to consume Gouda on the second day supercedes any mandates to have a Shabbat meat meal, should those days coincide. You can make up for it by taking great joy in waving stinky cheeses under the noses of non-dairy consuming, Asian friends.
You can make up for it by taking great joy in waving stinky cheeses
Dutch cheese stinky? No no no!
Dutch cheese is sweetly fragrant, redolant of green fresh grass and the good things in life.
We sweep the pasture twice a day, because the cows can't do so themselves. No opposable thumbs.
under the noses of non-dairy consuming, Asian friends
Such NICE little noses!
Herring.
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