TERMS AND CONDITIONS MAY APPLY

In a comic strip years ago one of the characters suggested filling the elevator shafts at the Pentagon with zesty banana pudding as sabotage. Which I still think is a splendid idea, and I'm sad we never did it. Best use of bananas ever. And I'll admit that while I am quite fond of Bananas Foster, as well as bananas in flaky pastry boats -- with sugar syrup -- when it comes to banana bread I'm entirely on the fence.

Bananas may fail, even when used as directed. This is a legal disclaimer. It's hypothetical, not based on actual test results.

We Americans have an almost boundless love of bananas. We use them for everything. They're a valuable substitute for pumpkins in pies, lattes, baby food, toys.
Plus size comparisons, and things to scare cats.
They're even better than cucumbers.
You've seen the videos.


A banana is a measure equivalent to one fortieth of a giraffe. So it's easily understandable and scientific. In the United States. Where I live.

ONE TENTH OF A GIRAFFE LENGTH, END TO END

This blogger also recommends that in lieu of sage and stale bread with chestnuts, you used bananas and spicy pork sausage to stuff that damned bird. It's better for you, and you'll have less gastric distress.

Oh, and that dish which uses lima beans? Just dump it.
That, too, leads to less gastric distress.
Heirloom cranberry sauce?
Just dump it.
Inedible.


By the way: a jolly good festive condiment can be made with bananas, caramelized onions, sugar, white vinegar, ginger shreds, and red pepper flakes. Simmer it down till it's a thick gloop like ketchup.


A football field is sixteen hundred bananas in length.
Which is forty giraffes.



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