WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED

As I do occasionally, I checked my blog stats, which will show me the most visited essay for today, the past week, month, etcetera. And, if I so choose, all time, since the beginning of this blog. Very rarely do I check the 'all time' category, as it will not show me what my readers are quirked by recently. And, naturally, change there is slow.

Now the most read posting is: HAM SAP LO - THE CANTONESE PERVERT
It has become the all-time favourite.

Dang.
It did not used to be that.

I guess the world wants instructions, huh?


I'm sorry, I just can't give them that. For one thing, I am not Cantonese. And for another, while I am indeed acquainted with the Toishanese titty-groper, he isn't close to me, and I've never analyzed his methodology or asked him what he's thinking. Assuming that he does that, instead of operating on instinct alone. He's just on the periphery, a mere blip on my experiential horizon.

And because I am a man, he has never expressed a tactile interest in me.

I do know that he likes white women. There are more of them, they're drunker, and there is a nice bigness there which makes his pursuit easier. Given that he's usually had a few by then, and may have trouble piloting the landing gear.

The vast majority of Cantonese males are not like that.
Only a few are drunken British-type perverts.
None of them approximate the Dutch.
Who are staggering.


According to research published in a Dutch newspaper six years ago, the Dutch are intrigued by lesbians and teens, whereas their Belgian kinfolk favour stepmothers and stepsisters.


Personally, I am more food-obsessed than anything else. It's a much narrower demographic; Dutch-speaking bachelors in a metropolitan area cruising the internet late at night for interesting recipes. Key requirement: does it go well with hot sauce.

CREATURE DEMANDING FOOD

Two very good friends and my apartment mate, though not Dutch, which they cannot help, are otherwise very similar. If you live in San Francisco, necessarily you probably share living quarters with one or more people, rents and housing being what they are here. So it's crucial that your co-tenants have similar preferences in food and entertainment. Heaven forefend that you live with a football-obsessed vegan! Life would be quite unendurable!

As a pipesmoker who speaks Dutch, I probably have many things wrong with me. But I am NOT into sports or eccentric diets. And it baffles me that there are Dutch vegans.
We invented cheese, zure zult, and the frikandel, for crapsakes!
And herring! Without us there would be no herring!


And donuts. That was us too.
You are welcome.



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