LIZARDS IN THE ADMINISTRATION

The reason you and I get so many spam phonecalls from Indians named Samuel Anderson about financial health for seniors (I am NOT a senior) or dudes named Andrew in Karachi, or Brian in Rawalpindi, is because we incautiously let out our number on lists which have been shared with every call center in the subcontinent. By lizard aliens.

[Remarkably, they've all relocated to Kansas, Oakland, or the Deep South. Where the calls "originate" from.]

That's as good a theory as any. And while it's less logical than most, it has a certain queer poetry, elegance even, so I'm keeping it.

This morning, every phone call has been one of those. And I'm usually polite -- I'm fine thank you so much for asking, now what are you calling about -- and then let them waffle on a bit, though interrupting them several times to tell them I already heard it all, and am not interested, before they get the hint and bid me adieu. They are very dense.

Density is probably an Indian characteristic.
Must be all that ghee they eat.
Clogs mental arteries.

Sometimes I mention laddoos. I am very fond of besani laddoo, motichur, and nariyal ki laddoo. Please remember that, if I'm ever in the hospital and need a change from the institutionally approved diet for Dutchmen, pipesmokers, and wild animals.

ALL OF THE ABOVE.

The other day someone on the street started talking about lizard aliens in the government of the city. When I pulled out my pipe, he exclaimed "I knew it!". And walked away.
I live in SF. That may have something to do with it.

Far be it from me to discriminate against our reptilian fellow Americans.

Laddoos are sweet balls made of ground up or mashed cooked ingredients mixed with sugar and ghee, as seen usually in offerings on the altar of Ganesh (whose birthday is coming up in another month), and enjoyed for generations in many parts of India. They can also be made with queer compositions like ground up pistacchios or walnuts, and fruit juice concentrated by simmering, as would be more Central Asian. What keeps them from going bad is the sheer gut-bombing quantity of sugar or jaggery.

The next time you need to talk to a reptilian overlord, may I suggest placating him (or her) with a sweet? Your interview or paperwork will benefit from the thoughtfulness.
Burning incense in front of their desk also works.
Animal sacrifices not so much.



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