CURATING THE SHRUNKEN HEADS

Periodically something reminds me that several years ago an internet troll referred to me as a pissed-off neckbeard, and someone else opined that I must have been drunk when I wrote a particular essay. The context made clear that they were hipsters, probably mid- to late twenties, and quite possibly from somewhere on the East Coast.
I am still amused by that.

[in case you're wondering, it was their reaction to a little piece about folks going nuts over Esoterica and Germains pipe tobacco. Which I like too, but my panties do not get all soggy when Arango ships a new load to US tobacco stores.]

Another thing, tangentially related thereto: a gentleman gloated over the anguish expressed on internet fora over McClellands closing. Ha, he smoked McCranie's, so he wasn't worried, you silly fanatics! Then he found out that that was, in fact, from McClellands.


Apparently there is now a substantial trade in Huy Fong Sriracha sauce.
Enormous prices, panic, fanatics, and the hotpocalypse.

When I came back to the United States years ago in my late teens I discovered that much that was good eating was unknown or unavailable here. So I started reading up on those things. A few years later, craftbeer became available, Americans expanded their taste in pasta beyond Kraft Mac 'n Cheese and Chef Boyardee, and both sambal and Sriracha showed up in stores. And they miraculously discovered things like cheese and pâté.

No causal link. Merely a happy coinciding of urges.

The Great Sriracha Crisis may prompt hipsters to do some reading, and discover that there are hundreds of chili cultivars of varying heat levels that can be incorporated in their cooking, and made into sambals, sauces, and relishes. Much like the English found out that with a little bit of intelligence curries could be cooked in council housing in Yorkshire too.

The reason why Huy Fong Sriracha has that particular taste which you miss is because of the balance achieved by the particular ingredients. They use fully ripened Jalapeños sourced from Mexico (formerly from California farms), vinegar, salt, and substances of a preservative nature. Jalapeños are not exceptionally hot, but they do have an appealing peppiness, and when ripe the natural sugar level makes additional sweetening unnecessary.

Key is the occurence of certain natural chili oils and resins, as well as osterization beyond what is strictly necessary to make merely a sauce, which will produce a more silky emulsive liquid. Experimentation with red ripe Anaheims boosted by mirasol chilies for heat and resins, probably augmented by some pequines or even a Habanero or two, would be rewarding. Thai chilies and similar types are not as resinous, and may taste somewhat metalic.

By the way: relying solely on vinegar and salt for keepability will eventually make the sauce taste "pickled" if unrefrigerated. Which is objectionable. You don't want a pourable pickle.
You want something that tastes fresh and bright. Read up on preservatives.
Properly employed, they keep the product stable.


One of the things that makes Esoterica/Germain & Son tobacco blends so special is the sheer age of the components. Like a few other old-school manufacturers they buy the raw material years in advance in order to maintain blend stability; if one year's crop of a particular leaf is not as expected, no problem, they've got enough to carry them forward. If something becomes unavailable and substitutions must be made (think Syrian versus Cypriot Latakia), very well, change will be so gradual that the difference is scarce noticed.

Some tobaccos, Virginias particularly, benfit from age.

This also means that expanding production is considerably more problematic, and would take deeper pockets and more planning, than for a company that gets the leaf from field to smokers lips in a few months by chemistry and cooking.
Some cigarettes, for instance.

BTW: You didn't actually realize that Djubec and Yenidje sold by some tobacconists is quite generic, did you? All batched together and sold by quality grades in bulk lots, rather than separately as varietals in most cases.


POST SCRIPTUM

Neckbeard: Term for a man who is socially awkward, physically borderline repulsive, and has an obsessive interest in computing, role playing games, and manga or anime, as well as boring abstruse subjects. An unkempt geek who is on the spectrum.

Yep, me. I bathe and change my socks once a month.
Whether I need to do so or not.


FINAL WORD

Please don't get your panties wet.
You incorrigible hipster you.


I am well beyond my sell-by date.



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