THE NOBLE EXPERIMENT

After a full day in mist-sodden Marin, the thinking man needs a backbone stiffening beverage. Coffee. The history of the Western World since the Middle Ages is quite unthinkable without caffeinated beverages. Prior to then, people drank mostly beer or wine to hydrate, because ditchwater was debilitating or deadly. They were tiddly by mid-day, drunk by teatime, and either bonkers or comatose by evening. Caffeinated beverages made water safe (by boiling it), and prevented brain damage from too much booze during their growing years. Net result: the white man went on a four century bender of conquest and despoliation that changed the world.
Not necessarily for the better. The result was the modern age.

Many Americans are, of course, tipsy by mid-afternoon, and quite plotzed by early evening. It is highly likely that on weekends many of them start drinking shortly after breakfast. Which is why almost no one works on Saturday and Sunday. It's quite unthinkable. All they are capable of on those days is sitting limply in front of the teevee eating stale pizza and crispy snacks, languidly, cow-like, with laboured mastication. The Penguins are battling the Weasels.
It's the most important game of the season.
Just like last week.


CHEESE SLUDGE

Which inevitably brings up the subject of mildly spiced cheese sludge. As goes on top of nachos. An American invention. Of which we should be justly proud, it puts us on the map ("terra incognita") culinarily, the world envies our achievements. My coworker today was bereft, desolate, and disappointed in the extreme because the stupid Punjabi dude staffing the nearest convenience store failed to refill the machine that dispenses said substance over the container of perfectly shaped tortilla chips, and, consequently, the necessary compliment of salt, protein, oleaginous substances, and very mild spicing went missing on his lunch. The one time I took the plunge, Dipshit-ji grudgingly squooze out the last few drops of casein grease for me as if he was taking revenge on the family cow, and I have never repeated the experiment.
The red powder flavoured beef spackle ("chili") was a no go.
An entirely empty dispenser, maybe filthy inside.
Probably pink slime™ in origin anyway.
America's favourite meat.


Nachos, extruded cheese product, chili. The dish to make you leave your fall-out shelter.
It fosters an addiction. Yum yum yum. This is why we had to win the war.

Mildly spiced cheese sludge is essential!
American men will starve without it!
We demand cheese sludge!
Call Tucker Carlson!



To be honest, I can survive easily without having another drop of cheese sludge ever again, and I can also happily pass on Budweiser, Coors, Michelob, and Miller.
I never watch sports. And nachos aren't a breakfast food.

The best thing I ate today in Marin was cake.
It was some darn good cake. Ooh, baby.
That's why I needed coffee.



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