GLUTEN, VACCINATION, AND KIDS

This blogger lives in a tightly wrapped cocoon. Along with several scraps of insane conversation heard yesterday -- one of which involved old men and their eliminative functions -- were several cogent and informative bits. And as one might expect at this time of year, especially from a place where many of the regulars are no longer spring chickens AND smoke cigars, medical matters were a dominant part of the program.
I myself contributed that there is nothing quite so patient as an old geezer trying to take a leak, pursuant which it should again be said that the key advice to men heading into old age is 1) never pass on an opportunity to urinate, 2) never ignore a tumescence, and 3) never ever trust a fart.
All three of these are valuable advice. And to a certain extent cross-gender in their applicability.

[The football season is over. They've got to have something to talk about.]

The best thing, however, was this:


"Nine out of ten doctors say smoking is good for kids."


Nicotine benefits short term memory, improves retention and mental focus, and counteracts attention deficit and dementia. All of which would help the hyperactive little brats of the Bay Area. Start the little turds out young.

Cigars perhaps less so than pipes, because pipe smoking will also inculcate an intellectual rigour, as well as discipline that will stand them in good stead later in life. Packing it properly, keeping it lit, and afterwards carefully and correctly cleaning it, are all good training. Chosing ones' pipe tobacco with care, and ensuring that it is at the proper humidity level for optimum performance are levels of detail-orientedness that the little thugs would benefit from. As they say, 'let kids be kids'.

As I am sure all right-thinking adults would agree.

Cigarettes, however, are strictly for thoughtless people.
Cigars: six of one, half a dozen of the other.


[The tenth doctor probably smokes cigarettes. More doctors smoke Camels than any thing else. In fact, in a nation wide survey, doctors all across the country, in all branches of medicine, fondly remember Camels as a smooth and rich tasting pleasure during the early years of med school.]


Kids smoking cigarettes during recess or after class are nervous and tense. But pipesmokers are calm and thoughtful, reserved even, and are quite the opposite of a public nuisance.

And, suffice to say, nothing is as bad as pot for young minds.
It's considerably worse than gluten and vaccination.
If you have to smoke pot, don't exhale.


* * * * *

Nothing, absolutely nothing, is as horrible as seeing clusters of people outside office buildings jamming tomato after tomato into their gaping orifices for the nicotine every hour. Or eggplant. Or cauliflower. And the mess that leaves on the pavement cannot be described.

If they had been taught to smoke as kids, it would be different.


I look forward to a day when schoolchildren all across America will enjoy pipes filled with good tobacco while doing their homework.

It's really all about the children.

Precious little treasures.



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