LOVELY LACQUERED CALVES

Why do so many elderly people smell funky? It's a good question, especially as by the time they are older than Methuselah they are not releasing hormones in the sheer gushing waves that young people do. Young people being defined as twelve to twenty, which are the smelliest years of life. Why, the angst-sex reek of the average highschool football player or cheerleader is almost unbearable, their moist resinous sweat can destroy clothes sometimes even in one day! Dark damp stains of pee-yew.
As I said, old fogies have far less hormonal pong.

So why do your elderly relatives stink?

The answer is simple. Dry skin. Bathing dries out the dermis, yielding crinkly parchment-like surfaces that itch like billy-o. And consequently the antique dears avoid showers. Sometimes for weeks at a time.
That fishy smell, the funk of cheesy age?
Oh that's aunt Mildred, I imagine.
She's no longer scratching.
No bath since May.

But not this blogger, no sir! Firstly, I am NOT a dessicated old fart, being in the prime of my life and full of calm balanced mature vigour, and secondly, today I took measures.

I rubbed my fine manly calves with olive oil. My legs smell good enough to eat. Yesterday evening dryness made me itch from my toes nearly to my tuchus, so both before and after my bath I applied the salad-dressing substance to my legs.

It smells good. Rich, herbal, with an undertone of buttery fruitiness.
I had to get up in the middle of the night because they were so dry.


Itch itch itch, scratch scratch scratch.


Unlike aunt Mildred, I like to bath regularly, what with being a fastidious sort. Cleanliness is next to godliness. My calves no longer hurt, and if you were to run your nose along the tibial ridge that runs from just below the patella to the talus, you would think you were in Greece. Perhaps a sun-drenched summer vacation or a period of calm before attempting for the so-manieth time to bust the walls of Troy.


SHAMELESS PRODUCT PLACEMENT
Une lotion hydratante quotidienne

Later today I shall purchase Aveeno lotion with oat essences, which besides protecting and soothing, also feels super-sensual.
Almost like naughty business.


So good, so good.

Oh, babies.




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