Thursday, May 02, 2013

REAL MEN DO NOT WEAR BRAS

It distresses me no end that someone I know shops at Victoria's Secret. What, you will ask, is wrong with that? Many people shop there, and the panties and brassieres that they sell are usually high quality. Albeit often rather vulgar and tacky. Some of their stuff is very good, and well-worth acquiring. Well made, nice material, comfortable.
And at least Victoria's Secret dragged women's undergarments kicking and screaming out of the darkness of grey support devices and granny pants.
Now women can have a little pizazz underneath their clothes.
High time too. It is used to be so boring down there.
Huzzah for Victoria's Secret, huzzah.

The person in question is a man.
Any bras he buys are for him.
There is no female in play.

If there is anyone I wish to imagine in a lovely bra, of whatever dimension (AA through B, optimally), then it isn't him. In fact, my interest in cup sizes diminishes with volume and masculinity. Women wearing bras are a good thing, men wearing bras are an issue. And while I myself have very happily browsed through the bins at Victoria's Secret on Union Square, that was back when there was a female person in my life; whatever I bought there wasn't for me.

Now, you might think that I focus too much on the reasonable-sized gland, as you noticed that I specified AA through B. Far from it; I am a supporter of any and every size of mammary. It isn't an obsession.
However, there is a practical side.......


"Pendulous breasts can make it difficult for a woman to properly fit a bra. "
[Source: Wikipedia.]


Proper fit is extremely important.

My friend does NOT have the build for a proper fit. He may have to wait till he's a decrepit old goat for that, despite his fondest and most demented wishes. Antiquated men with an excess of, errm, flab, often benefit from a bit of support. Not necessarily underwire, per se, but a restraining garment would certainly not be misplaced.

Again, I adamantly refuse to imagine it.

The problem with underwire is that it bunches up weirdly in the wash, and twists all higgeldy-piggeldy. Either do them by hand, or use one of those little scanty-bags for laundering your delicates. That way they won't get stretched out of shape.

Recommendation: Barely There.
It's what I would wear if I were a woman.


He also wears skirts, but fortunately those are suitably butch enough that they don't elicit doubt about his manhood. Like many questionable types, he's a cigar smoker.

I'm a pipe man myself.




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5 comments:

Boardgame said...

You support any (and every) size of mammary?

How about flat?

The back of the hill said...

Absolutely.

Especially if she's full of piss and vinegar.

Anonymous said...

You have any even more peculiar relationship with breasts than most men.

The back of the hill said...

Rest assured. There is no relationship with breasts at all. I haven't been within happy distance in years.

The back of the hill said...

It's merely moral support.

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