YOU CANNOT SEE ANYTHING HERE

Occasionally I check my stats, to find out where my audience is, and what they are looking for.
Yes, I do want to cater to my loyal readers. Really.
Actually I'm fascinated by their search criteria.
What pulls them in?

Apparently, my loyal readers want nipples.

According to my stats, one of the search criteria people use to find my blog is "I can see your nipples".
Every week. Every day. Even right now. It's an all-time constant.
Readers type "I can see your nipples" as their criterium, and promptly find this normally nipple-free blog.

Given that that particularly post was actually about drinking coffee on a Parisian terrace, I have to think that it was purely the eloquent phrasing that stuck in my readers minds.
It wasn't the nipples themselves - they were never actually described - but the situation wherein some poor traveler focused on something only marginally nipplish at best. He was in France, and the style and pizzazz of French waitresses reached deep into his subconscious and playfully tweaked something there.


"I can see your nipples!"

What you actually wanted was some cream for your coffee. But the waitress was pert and charming, and this deranged your tongue. These things happen. Nipples have a tendency to do precisely that.
Don't try to deny it.


THE APEX OF THE MAMMARY

But that brings up a good point. If by any chance you can see a woman's nipples, and you are neither another woman (who can diplomatically alert the nipplesome one that her raspberries are showing), nor involved with her physically, it is probably a darn good idea NOT to say "I can see your nipples".
Nor anything else involving nipples.
Just don't say what comes to mind, let it go.
Be Zen.


"I can see your nipples!"

The fact that you can see her nipples means that you were looking. And if you admit that, it tells her precisely WHERE you were looking.

"My face is up here!"

"Yes, but your nipples aren't"

See? That isn't a conversation that you really want to be involved in. It won't lead anywhere good. Please stop thinking about her nipples. Think about strawberries instead. Rice cookies. Or coffee.
Concentrating on her nipples will take you to a very dark place.
It ain't worth it.
Trust me. I've been there.

Under almost all circumstances, saying "I can see your nipples" will get you in a load of trouble.

Perhaps it is best to tell yourself that nipples are dangerous, nipples are evil, nipples are the anti-Christ made breast.
Drop the word nipples from your vocabulary, and resolve never to mention nipples again. Do not think of nipples, or even things that resemble nipples. Nothing pink. No chocolate covered strawberries. No fruit yoghurt. No light switches. You cannot see nipples. The nipples are invisible. Nipples? What nipples?
There is NO mammarial acme.
Please convince yourself of that. For your own well-being.

Be nipple-free, little bird, be nipple-free.

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AFTERTHOUGHT

One of the best ways to keep from thinking about nipples is to concentrate on something else.
Perhaps you should think of Bic Lighters? Lizards? Twitchy wiggly lizards, tails flicking, tight little scaly torsos twisting and curving in your hand........
Oh crap, that will remind you of nipples!
There's something just too sexual, sensual, slithery about lizards. Your mind can ONLY think of nipples when you think of lizards.
Don't think of nipples.

I know, think of Hello Kitty! There are NO nipples on Hello Kitty. Nothing is more gender-free than Hello Kitty. Nice sweet cute Hello Kitty has NO nipples, none at all.
Hello Kitty is entirely sexless, neuter in all details. Not a shred of nipple.
Yes.

Think about Hello Kitty.


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