KIND TO HEDGEHOGS

Early in our relationship, Savage Kitten nicknamed me ‘Toad’. This was not in reference to my appearance, or to any negativity associated with the noble amphibian - we both like Toads and their cousins the frogs – but due to a perceived similarity between me and one of the characters in The Wind In The Willows.
No, I am not boastful or impertinent. Nor do I regularly fixate on a new obsession.

It was because of my driving. Something about which she had only heard.


MR. TOAD'S WILD RIDE

Specifically, she heard about how I crashed my car.
And also what happened to folks reckless enough to catch rides with me.

This was when she met some friends of mine, who proved anxious to let her know precisely what kind of man she had let herself in for. They went on at quite some inordinate length.
Possibly they were concerned for her safety - I will tolerantly credit them with that intent.
Damned lizards.

I have never seen myself as resembling mister Toad of Toad hall in any way at all.
For one thing, I am not short fat and dumpy. Nor do I puff myself up, or steal vehicles.
I am not a washerwoman, I am NEVER impertinent to constables.


THE WILD WOODS

Instead, I think of myself as being more like Mr. Badger.
Mr. Badger is the solitary type who can be relied on in a pinch, whether it is a pressing need for hot chocolate, and oatmeal porridge, OR a resolute whacking of weasels and stoats.

We all remember our first introduction to Mr. Badger, when Ratty and Mole were stuck in the snow and knocked loudly on his door:

'There was the noise of a bolt shot back, and the door opened a few inches, enough to show a long snout and a pair of sleepy blinking eyes.
"Now, the VERY next time this happens," said a gruff and suspicious voice, "I shall be exceedingly angry. Who is it THIS time, disturbing people on such a night? Speak up!" '

As soon as he sees who it is, the Badger turns into a warmhearted host:

' ... Badger summoned them to the table, where he had been busy laying a repast. They had felt pretty hungry before, but when they actually saw at last the supper that was spread for them, really it seemed only a question of what they should attack first where all was so attractive, and whether the other things would obligingly wait for them till they had time to give them attention. '


The generosity that Badger shows that night is by no means a fluke. Even hedgehogs can see right through his pretense at unsociability:

"And at last we happened up against Mr. Badger's back door, and made so bold as to knock, sir, for Mr. Badger he's a kind-hearted gentleman, as everyone knows ----- "

The Toad is not nearly so intrinsically loveable. And while he does live in a mansion, his digs seem far less warm and comfy. Toad Hall reflects a more self-indulgent, less broadminded type. His entire worldview places him and his pursuits of the moment at centre-stage. Even when no-one else caters to him, he caters to himself.
The Toad, as is abundantly clear in every escapade, is someone who doesn't quite get it.

Whereas the badger is a most admirable chap - rational, practical, self-possessed, and perspicacious. Contemplative. Reliable.
And significantly, per the illustrations, a pipe-smoker.

I don't provide oatmeal. Never did understand why some people like it.
But if you need a nice cup of hot chocolate in the middle of the night, I am definitely your badger.