GREAT ROAD KILL STATE
"Dude, you should buy a Glock 17."
"Because the ammo is available everywhere; Ohio, Estonia, Glasgow..... "
"So you're saying that it's an unimaginative weapon? I think I'd rather have something unique."
"No no no, man, suppose you get attacked by penguins, and there you are, without any ammo....."
"Penguins in Texas?"
"Well, say somewhere else - Alabama or the Congo, look, the idea is that you don't want the penguins to win!"
"Then if I'm attacked by penguins, all I have to do is go to the nearest Walmart....?"
"Exactly! Blam blam blam!"
"While you're there, get a gun rack."
"I don't even have a pickup truck, why should I get a gunrack?"
"For your bike or whatever - you don't want the natives to think you're wussy."
"How on earth would they know I'm from California?"
"Hey, get one of those things they have all over Texas, you know, that thing, what's it called ..... ?"
"No, not roadkill, but that reminds me, you should get a stuffed armadillo holding a beer can. They got those too. It's like a cottage industry or sumpin' "
"Chicken-fried bacon strips! Chicken-fried bacon strips!"
"I am SO there!"
"Let us know if you need a care package."
Anyhow, I'm a little hung-over today, and Alex is on his way to the Lone Star Republic.
Good luck, little water monkey, good luck and G-d speed.
Your boss finally came in about half an hour ago, looking rather green. Must have turned into a Texas-sized brawl after I left, huh?
They don't have Guinness in Texas, just so you know. Real men have Budweiser with their quiche.