ASSAULTED BY TEENAGE GIRLS

Balabusta in Blue Jeans writes about having to supervise the girls' locker room. If you ever thought of that as being like a little slice of heaven, you are mistaken.
It is war. Combat duty, and horrors beyond belief.
Plus skin goo.

QUOTE:
"They worry about their arms, and their legs. They have to be completely moisturized at all times..."
END QUOTE.

SOURCE:
http://balabustabluejeans.blogspot.com/2009/11/oceans-of-lotions.html


Okay, that doesn't sound too bad at all.
I'll be the first to admit that high-school girls should, under ideal circumstances, be soft and smooth to the touch.


QUOTE:
"They run around screaming "Does anyone have lotion?"
END QUOTE.


Screaming? Girls do not scream. There's something wrong if they're screaming.


QUOTE:
"Then, just in case they might not smell fruity-floral enough, they pull whole bottles of body spray or cologne out of their lockers, and spritz each other until the whole place smells like Bath and Bodyworks after a bad earthquake."
END QUOTE.

[Read BBJ's blog here: http://balabustabluejeans.blogspot.com/ ]



DAMP AND SWEET-SMELLING!

Good freakin' heavens! When I was a kid, back before Noah set sail on his round-the-world voyage, there were no spritzes and body lotions!
Just stuff in a brown glass bottle from the chemist.
With a squirt-attachment at the top.

This is war, soldier, and don't you forget it!

My dad and I would irritate the spit out of my severe older brother by flamboyantly and extravegantly using a hand-lotion(!) in the middle of winter for our chapped skin. We would squeeze some out, then sensually slide it up and down our fingers, restoring to health the delicate masculine membranes that had been exposed to the harsh Dutch climate, softly and smoothly rubbing it into the cracked and calloused areas. Mmmmmmm!
Hand lotion - it was the ONLY lotion available at the local stores. And it was pink, and faintly perfumed.
VERY FEMMY!

Such unmanly decadence disgusted Tobias.
He cringed at the depravity thus displayed by his father and his effete younger brother.


The local high school girls used no lotions. No lip balm. No spritzed spray. No expensive oils and unguents. No eye liner. No skin creme. No lipstick even, most of the time. Maybe a very subtle touch of eye-shadow if they were feeling daring - after school!

And they looked radiant!

Like bowls overflowing with peaches and cream. Strawberries, apricots, cherries, and tart little apples pearled with dew.

Ashy. Hmmpph!

No one smelled fruity floral then either. Just regular green soap, alleviated perhaps by the refreshing fragrance of dark rolling tobaccos.
Perfume and factory-mades are for losers.

Northern California, such a rotten place.
So self-indulgent, so Roman. Feh!
Noah, saddle up the Ark again - we're leaving!