PAKISTANI TALIBAN LEADER DEAD - EUROPE DECLARES SEVEN DAYS MOURNING

Well, not really, not officially. The governments of most Western European nations did not formally declare seven days of mourning for respected leader Baitullah Mehsud, who was killed along with his wife and his body guards in an aerial strike earlier this week. But several leftwing notables lamented the loss, and opined that problems are never solved by killing, only by continued discussion and negotiation.



"WHEN WILL THIS VIOLENCE END? WE SHOULD ALL BE FRIENDS!"
------Anonymous Scandinavian Anarchist spokesperson



Al Qaeda, which has for a long time now had comrades and allies in the various European socialist parties and within several governments, praised the Europeans for their sincere and heartfelt condolences, and reiterated that its primary conflict is with the United States, whom they once more accused of coldheartedly slaughtering innocents in the Muslim World.



"WE'RE SAVING EUROPE FOR LAST"
------Anonymous spokesperson for AlQaeda In Sweden



The Muslim World could not be reached for comment.

Rumours are that there will be large public manifestations of mourning in Beirut, Baghdad, and Cairo, at which politicians will swear vengeance upon the evil and corrupt Western World before cheering throngs. Butter and flags will be burned.



"ALORS, THE ZIONIST PIGS IN WASHINGTON ONCE AGAIN PROVE THEMSELVES DOGS"
------Anonymous member of the European Parliament



REACTIONS

When asked about recent developments, spokesmen for the Western World had several comments.

The general European point of view was expressed as cautiously pessimistic, because of their cultural and political resemblance to the United States, which, it was explained, would make it easy to mistake them for decadent imperialist warmongers.
This is considered a grave liability, and efforts are on-going to counter any similarities.

Washington voiced guarded optimism that this latest success would clean up the gene-pool, but cautioned that there was still a long way to go - "Europe and the Middle-East, they are just full of these people".
Both Democrats and Republicans claimed credit for the deaths of Mehsud and his wife.

Israel didn't respond, and rudely told the BBC reporter to "shog off, go on, shog off".

Japan, which considers itself a fundamental part of the Western World (because they invented MacDonalds, Sushi, and Blue Jeans), was quoted as saying "nani....., korewa nan des'ka?" ('we applaud the death of all excessively hairy individuals, wherever it happens, and we really can't tell any of them apart in any case').


Stay tuned to this channel for more developments.