NOTES FOR ENTERING THE TOWER

A warning:

The ragamuffin, drunken people and psychotics are forbidden to enter the Tower.
No smoking at non-appointed spot.
Prohibit carrying tinder and exploder (banger, match, lighter), restricted cutter (kitchen knife, scissors, fruit knife, sword and so on) and metal made appliance.
Prohibit carrying animals and the articles which disturb common sanitation (including the peculiar smell of effluvium).

This is what a sign outside the Oriental Pearl TV Tower (東方明珠塔, official name: 東方明珠電視塔) in Shanghai (上海) tells visitors.

[SOURCE: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/talking_point/8220166.stm ]

Sage words, forsooth!

My office building ALSO discourages ragamuffins, drunks, and dipsomaniacs, and smoking is expressly forbidden at non-appointed spots. Carrying swords, bangers, or exploders is likely frowned upon as well, and I believe that they might look askance at the peculiar smell of effluvium too.

Strangely, I do not feel like my freedoms are under siege.

Even though, psychically at least, that sign is indeed on the wall. I can feel building management radiating the words of awe, but I am at ease. These aren't my habits, those words are not directed at me.

I have never had the urge to truck in the peculiar smells of effluvium.

[Savage Kitten would beg to differ on this point, but she isn't here. So again, I am NOT involved in any effluviastic smells, no matter what she might say. Let us move on.]

Years ago, my reaction would have been different. I can remember a sign in a Chinese-run hotel in Kwala Plugog that informed me "forbid to light joss in toilet". When I saw it, I had a sudden vision of guests holding spontaneous incense parties in the crappers.
An amazing concept, yet, strangely, charming. So very old-world.
I too wished to light huge bundles of joss and dance in the smoke. Twirling gay streamers of bathroom tissue. Combustion and fragrant love!
Ah, the sweet smell of sandalwood and glue!

When I asked the hotel-clerk about it, he explained that he had told his old man (the proprietor of the lodgment) to paint "piss-off, damn' hippies" on the wall, but his father had his own ideas - "forbid to light joss in toilet" sounds so much more diplomatic than "hey, all of you Western gadabouts, please do NOT smoke pot whilst using the loo, we know what you're doing in there!".

Undoubtedly a wise decision.

And I suspect his father may have soul mates, as far as phrasing signs is concerned.


"Tender fragrant grass, how hardhearted to trample them."


The person who composed this plea is undoubtedly a gentle romantic, and wishes to touch your soul, rather than fiercely chastise. Alas for the tender grass. Take heed, take heed, and please soften your cockles. Thank you.

It is likely that he too would wish you not to light joss in a toilet. It is an unfit thing to do.

If that necessitates, engenders, or enables, a peculiar smell of effluvium, so be it.