CHANGE OF PACE - ONE SLUTTY LITTLE VIRGINIA

Sometimes, instead of the zesty Oriental, your eye falls on a perky brunette.
It's only natural, all men flirt with strange girls - at least, that is what I tell myself.

The sweet young thing in question, however, has the weirdest taste in perfume. I thought she was supposed to smell of single malt, but for the life of me I cannot figure out what that reek is. It ain't whiskey. Or at least not whiskey alone. Perhaps after rolling in the whiskey she drenched herself with eau de teenage slut so her parents won't notice the liquor.

I am talking about a flavoured pipe tobacco, of course.


FOUNDERS RESERVE
Blended at THE MALTHOUSE Tobacco Manufactory
Aged 12 Weeks
Blended, matured, and packaged in the E.E.C. by Dan Tobacco Manufacturing Ltd.

The tobacco consists of broken flakes and shreds of a pleasing mottled appearance that break and crimp nicely for the pipe. Lights fairly easily, and smokes down coolly and cleanly to a fine white ash. The taste is mild, sweet, not particularly exciting. The strange fragrance does not stick in the pipe. Like all Virginias, and particularly the eccentrically aromatized flakes that Dan Tobacco produces, it is at its best puffed slowly - so slowly that instead of savouring the flavour, one might almost forget that one is smoking.
It is a pleasing smoke, but not a memorable one - except for that smell....... No one in their right nose would identify it as "an outstanding blend of sweet Virginia that is infused with Scottish Single Malt Whisky".



I normally don't care much for perfumed tarts.

When I first opened the tin several weeks ago, I thought it smelled of molasses mixed with rotting autumn apples - there was a sweet and over the top pong, you see.
Now that it is a little dryer and the cake essences have evanesced, it is more reminiscent of dense plum pudding - one made with an excess of dry fruits and rum.
Despite the dark brown fruity image, the taste is remarkably light. Almost refreshing. And biteless.
A decent thoughtless tobacco which will not unduly upset the angry women in one's vicinity.


Last night, while smoking this tobacco at the Cinch, a very striking lesbian told me how much I reminded her of her father - he also smoked a pipe, and his tobacco was very similar to mine. She wished her girlfriend would take up the habit. Indeed, pipesmoking, and pipesmokers, were all very fine by her.
That, as much as anything else, qualifies as an endorsement.

TOBACCO INDEX


==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================