Store names often reflect the peculiarities of the merchandise being sold. Upscale men's clothing stores often sound dignified and classy, bookstores sound... "bookish", porno-boutiques have names twixt plain brown wrapper and ballsy sleaze-o-riffic, tobacconists tend towards dusty, old-fashioned, tweedy.
Lingerie stores sound feminine or spicy. Hardware stores aim for matter-of-fact. Most artsy boutiques are cutesy-poo.
And toy stores?
Insane. Often, not always. But often enough.
My top ten, in no particular order:
Chez Crazy Sally
[Trust your kid with her?]
Uncle Fugger
[Elderly pervert.]
Whiskey Jungle
[An alcoholic.]
Baa Baa's Sheep Skin
[They skinned a farm animal. Was it still alive?]
Ba Ba Edna's Stampquarium
[What the heck does this mean?]
Sweet Uncle's
[Come here, little boy, would you like some candy?]
Crocodile Pie
[Reptile poo.]
Twinkies for Winkies and Toys
[What on earth were they thinking!!!]
Empty Nest
[Sad. The kid croaked. Now she wants yours.]
Tina's Tiddly Poo
[Please see a doctor.]
All of this reminds me of Reginald Perrin and his chain of 'Grot Shops'. As featured in a BBC comedy series set in late 1970's England. Honestly named - they sold grot. Guaranteed useless stuff. Pointless garbage.
Grot in all it's grotty glory, in fact. Sold in a shop.
Here's a description of the viewing audience the BBC hoped to reach with the show:
"...wreckers of law and order. Communists, Maoists, Trotskyists, neo-Trotskyists, crypto-Trotskyists, union leaders, Albanians, atheists, agnostics, Lutherans, long-haired weirdos, short-haired weirdos, vandals, goths, hooligans, football supporters, namby pamby probation officers, rapists, papists, foreign surgeons, Anthony Wedgwood Benn, cardinals, keg bitter, punk rock, dancers, glue-sniffers, Clive Jenkins, Chinese restaurants, thugs, bully-boys, psychopaths, sacked policemen, security guards, racialists, rioters, Paki-bashers, queer-bashers, anybody-bashers, rear Admirals, fascists, loyalists, and Irishmen. And their wives."
Truly a fine market segment. And a growing one, too. Some of my readers will surely recognize this as a golden opportunity. Don't forget to cut me in for a share of the profits.
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5 comments:
WHISKEY JUNGLE?
"The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin" might well have been the second greatest sit-com of all time (behind only "Fawlty Towers").
Actually, it was another liquor. Al names have been 'tweaked' to protect the guilty. But they are as close to the originals as legally advisable. And the loopiness factor is the same. I cannot invent this better than the merchants out there - they're nuts, whereas I am utterly sane.
Reginals Perrin was brilliant. And it introduced me to wuppi cushions. But there was not enough sex to make it truly British. All the best Brit comedies must star breasts as if they were independent characters with their own personalities. It's fundamental. Much like the gun and carchase in American productions.
Freud would've written great sitcom.
Hey! Some of my best friends are lutehrans! And their wives!
LOL - you had me snorting at Uncle Fugger. :)
You gotta love "Twinkies for Winkies!"
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