WHAT TO DO WITH THOSE HORRIBLE THINGS

Every year around Easter (a holiday of unknown origin) a confection known as 'peeps' is distributed in huge quantities in the United States. It's a weird subcultural phenomenon - one which is not common in my subculture, but is nevertheless de rigueur among the well-bred treiler-treif, bless them.

Peeps are little spongy sugar-poof birds (marshmallows), usually coloured yellow, but also available in shocking pink and blue. They are edible, and they are not addicting - which begs the question why enough of them are produced every year to give a medium-size third-world country diabetes.

You probably have a large jute bag of them behind the kitchen door right now, don't you? Entirely aside from the inexplicable circumstances of your acquiring them, which is baffling in the extreme, you're probably still wondering what to do with all of them.

Especially before Mother's Day - you don't want to explain that frat-boy party to your mom when she visits. She already wonders what went wrong and why aren't you married to that sweet girl from Touro College.
She does not need to know about your.... Perversions.


BLUE PEEP PIE

1 cookie crumb pie crust.
1 large box (four servings) blue Jell-O.
1 cup hot water.
1 cup half-and-half.
3 cups chilled Coolwhip.
2 tablespoons Curacao.
16 blue Peeps.
1 cup canned blueberries.

Chill crust while preparing the filling. Pour hot water over Jell-O in a Pyrex bowl, and stir to dissolve. Add the half-and-half and Curacao. Blend well and refrigerate until mixture has thickened to a stiff cream consistency.

Fold Coolwhip into Jell-O. Mix well till no longer streaky, but no further than that. Spoon filling into chilled crust. Separate the peeps (they come attached) and arrange around the edge of the pie. Mound the canned blueberries in the center and smoosh flat. Chill for a few hours before serving.
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PS.I: Thanks are due my research assistant, the super boffo engineering dude, without whom I never would have discovered this epicurean treat.

PS.II: You could also perform scientific experiments on the peeps, like burning, dissolving in acid, launching with bottle-rockets, Tisha B'Av bondfiring, microwaving, melting onto hot concrete, rubber-band bondaging, flattening with various implements, or using them for target practice with an air-gun or a Glock semi-automatic. According to the super boffo engineering dude, this is traditional too.

NOTE I: Birds and raccoons will not touch peeps. That should tell you something.

NOTE II: This seemed like a good idea at the time. I have no idea why I thought so now.