SMELLING LIKE A PERVERT
"I can't think of any better reason for getting beaten up than for smelling like a pervert."
Hmmmmmm. Pipe tobacco for degenerates...... the concept has a certain charm.
There are already plenty of blends for deviants on the market. But such depravity is not universally appealing, as some pipe-smokers pen clearly - in researching the matter I have been able to cherry pick some juicy quotes.
[I have arranged the quotes more or less as I found them, with almost no editing. I am not giving attribution - this is shameless cut-and-pasting for my own (and, I hope, your) amusement.]
I'm not sure there's any tobacco in it - a bloated, overwhelming taste of caramel, chocolate and vanilla.
It's really dreadful. It tastes awful, it won't burn, it bites, and it goops up a pipe like tar (this tobacco is blended by a company known for numerous dismal aromatics).
Burns and stings horribly. Tastes like Robitussin.
It smells in the pouch like the tobacco has been dipped in soda cherry syrup.
This one tends to burn hot, bite, and tastes like a seat on a cross-town bus.
The classy tin and sizable fan base may fool the uninitiated and the Eurotrash, but to any lover of pure tobacco this blend must be considered country bumpkin in a can.
The aroma is cloyingly sweet and sickeningly artificial. The aftertaste in my mouth was both oily and soapy, reminiscent to canned black olives.
It is very sticky and vaguely nauseating.
The final statement speaks for everyone who with quivering anticipation has purchased a likely looking tin, only to discover that the product itself reeks worse than a French cat-house:
I will never purchase this blend again. Once was enough. I personally enjoy pipe tobacco that tastes like tobacco.
Most of these critiques were about blends flavoured several different ways: cherry - mango - chocolate - strawberry - caramel - coffee - hazelnut - vanilla - peach - eau de dead skunk. All mixed together for a broad-based froot-candy funk. Truly horrid stuff.
Why anyone would want a tobacco that smells like a juvenile hooker on east fourteenth street is beyond me, unless they wish to chase the roaches out of their tenement, along with relatives who have overstayed their welcome.
They could just burn the place down. It would be more civilized.
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