THE NEXT GREAT AMERICAN DISH

Seeing as groceries will shoot up in price over the next several months as the labour force involved in food production gets shoved into camps and tarifs on imports will be imposed, changes in the American diet must be inevitable. And also note that with food safety recalls showing no end in sight, and eggs now notorious for carrying diseases, some things will have to become a fond memory. For a while, at least. Fortunately, there's still canned stuff.


Yeah, okay, there's also that monumental stockpile of cheese. American cheese.
The stuff that we couldn't give away even to poor people.
Because it tasted like spackle.

Okay. With vegetables becoming a luxury, fresh meat heading towards Chipotle level food poisoning risks, avocado toast entirely unaffordable (because guess what we need to import), and eggs being scarce and nowhere to be found, we may have to rely on comestibles we thought were a thing of the past.

AMERICAN FRIED RICE

Fortunately, hell will freeze over before America's pork producers relinquish the slaves whose suffering and horrifically unsafe and covid-rife working conditions, even during the dark days of the Biden presidency, fueled (in part) almost unprecedented prosperity. Iowa will continue to prosper. Armed guards will keep them from escaping. Thank you, Iowa.

And middle class people all over the country will finally learn to enjoy ketchup and luncheon meat fried rice. Perhaps with a side of canned beans, à l'anglaise.

Soften some chopped onions in the skillet, add a big bowl of leftover rice plus two or three tablespoons of regular ketchup and a dash of Worcestershire sauce, as well as some chunky chopped tinned luncheon meat, and stir till the rice is well-coloured. Dried parsely from a great American food supply company can be added to garnish.
Do not add peas. Peas are nasty.

Serve with a side of freshly opened canned beans.
No need to heat them, they're fine as is.



By the way: normally I maintain a Sriracha and chilipaste stockpile sufficient for at least six months. Either of these make even American cooking edible. Perhaps I should now triple or quadruple that. Worcestershire Sauce keeps nearly forever, and fortunately soy sauce is manufactured locally if the imported brands become unaffordable.



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