Friday, June 04, 2010

WHAT LITTLE CHILDREN ARE MADE OF

Most native English-speakers are familiar with the rhyme about what little boys and girls are made of - nasty stuff and sweet stuff respectively.
However, with my YEARS of expertise, I am in a position to confound that opinion.

I actually know what they're made of. Trust me. I have experience.
Plus, I have thoroughly investigated, and tested my conclusions with probing experiments.
Rigorous tests and sampling. Scientific curiosity put into practice.


The little monkeys are made of doughnuts!


This morning, on my way to work, about a hundred children passed me. Sweet grampa, what a reek! Doughnuts! They all stank of doughnuts!
Mind you, I like doughnuts - they're my people's enduring contribution to American culture, now that scalping is no longer practiced - but a hundred little monsters ponging like a doughnut shop is not conducive to good mental health.

It makes them louder. All one hundred. Doughnuts.

Doughnuts also diminish the fear little children naturally have of people in the financial district. They come closer than usual, and sniff the humans.
If there is food in your truck, they will find it. They will rip out your guts.

3 comments:

Spiros said...

This is why I live on top of hill. One of msny reasons, but a major reason, now that you've called my attention to the problem.

Anonymous said...

That's why everything that they touch is STICKY!

R

Tzipporah said...

Really? Because I have it on reliable sources that they are made of mac and cheese. And sometimes hot dogs.

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