I DESPISE PROTESTANTS

Yes, you read it correctly. But not ALL of them. There are some Protestants I do not despise. That being, of course, my ancestors. Who were Dutch Calvinists.

Willem van Deursen (b. 1542) and his son Peter (b. 1575), left Brabant and fled to Haarlem to escape Spanish repression. In 1607 Abraham Pietersen van Deursen was born there, who would emigrate to New Amsterdam (d. 1678). His son Isaac Abrahamsen van Deursen was born in the new world in 1635.

[Why the names Abraham and Isaac? Well, Abraham left the place of his fathers, and journeyed into a land not his own..... ]


The descendants of Abraham remained fairly religious till a few generations ago.
I do not know if my great-grandfather (who was descended from Abraham on both sides, and whose wife was also descended from Abraham) still attended church - I doubt it, but I am fairly certain that my grandfather did not. Same goes for my mother's side of the family.
Consider us Jack-Calvinists. Run-aways, if you will. Force us into a church, and we'll burn the damn' thing down.

I mention all this because of Ann Coulter.



ANN COULTER

In her latest venomous piece of dreck, ms. Coulter writes:
"Then there's Barry Lynn, alleged "Christian minister," whose stock in trade is to denounce any mention of religion anyplace, anytime. Look, I'm a Christian minister, but even I have to admit that the sight of a kindergartner praying is terrifying to most folks. (The first person to post Barry Lynn's bar mitzvah photos or birth announcement (mazel tov!) wins a free copy of my latest book, "Guilty: Liberal 'Victims' and Their Assault on America.")
[END QUOTE]

Source:http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=106696


The only reason for her sneering dig at the reverend Barry Lynn is that he wishes a division to be maintained between church and state - which, in the eyes of the odious Coulter and many of her fans, smacks of disloyalty to the little baby Jesus. Something apparently only Jews are capable of.

What Coulter and people of her ilk need to understand is that if we lessen the boundary between Church and State, people like me will come busting out of the woodwork. And we won't be happy.

Heck, I'll gladly lynch any number of members of the heretic denominations that threaten my irreligious freedom - Anglicans, Methodists, Presbyterians, Baptists, Adventists, Southern Cretinist, whatever. The only version of Christianity I would even want to see empowered is Dutch Calvinism. I am not particular about which obnoxiously stubborn and opinionated pissant version of it, either - I've got relatives all over that creed, and most of us haven't been Church-going in generations.
But still.... shtrenge Dutch Calvinists are infinitely superior to all those Anglo-protestantisms. Punkt.

Yes, I really do find most English-speaking versions of Christianity to be loathsome. Totally icky poo.

The psalters of Petrus Datheen and Marnix van St. Aldegonde make what would be mere pedestrian praedestinationism sparkle and shine - in Dutch, in poetic Dutch, and only in Dutch.
Still wrong (far too gnostic, too Christic, not old-testamentarian enough, and not nearly of an acceptable liberality or liberalistic), but eloquent and given to great lyric.

Bugger the English language versions of religion. Including, especially, typical American fundamentalist versions. They are intolerable.


You superstitious backwoods heathens are barely one step above savages.

The separation between Church and State is the only thing that keeps me from wanting to shoot you. Please count your blessings.

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APPENDIX

For those of you who are baffled as all git-out by this mention of Calvinists, the following opinionated backgrounder may be useful. It is brief.



CALVINISM

In 1533 Jean Cauvin (John Calvin, 1509 - 1564), an argumentative student of theology and law at Paris, fled for his life, eventually ending up in Geneva. His weltanschauung was influenced by much of the theological ferment then current in Europe at that time, including Lutheranism and Anabaptism.
Two basic themes that he developed were Biblical authority as opposed to Church authority in matters of the faith, and praedestinationism.

Two major ethno-denominational groupings eventually formed that were based on Calvin's thought: Scotch Presbyterianism, and Dutch Reform.
The less said about Scotch Presbyterianism the better - those people never had to fight a super-power for freedom for their faith, and in consequence have a self-satisfied priggishness wich is quite unstomachable.



DUTCH REFORMED

At the same time as Calvin was contemplating his navel in Switzerland, Netherlandish cities and nobles were getting steamed over Philip the Spaniard's attempts to unify the Netherlands into one coherent legal and administrative system.

The Netherlands which Philip had inherited were a loosely unified mess of conflicting law codes and civic privileges, sporadically called to order by a grand meeting of the States General in Brussels. While all territories were represented in the States General, not all played along with its decisions, and even fewer had any intention of doing so in any consistent manner. Other than in name, their unity lay in resisting Philip and disagreeing with each other.

The situation exploded in 1567 when Philip sent the Duke of Alva (may his name be erased!) into the Netherlands to eradicate dissent and destroy heresy. In 1568 Alva had two of the grande seigneurs of the Netherlands (counts Egmont and Hoorne), executed in the Grande Place in Brussels.
Their crime was not disloyalty or treason, but that they had been too permissive of religious dissidence, even though they themselves had remained Catholic.

The executions may have been pointless. But they did serve as tinder.

For the next four years, Alva savagely suppressed all dissent, political and religious, throughout the Netherlands, painting a swath of blood and murder across all the provinces. The tide turned in 1572 when the Sea Beggars captured Briel in 1572, gaining a foothold along the coast. Within the next few years the rebellion gained strength and territory, eventually unifying all of the northern provinces. Protestants, who faced certain death in the south, fled north in large numbers, and contributed their skills and their lives to the cause of the rebel republic .

The war between Spain and the Dutch lasted until 1648, by which time Protestantism, in it's rather severe Dutch Calvinist form, had become entrenched in the north. Thenceforth Netherlandish quarrelsomeness would have the perfect medium in which to manifest itself - religion.
[Not until twentieth century politics would another so perfect vehicle for petty dispute and despicion come along (and how the Dutch enthusiastically jumped on that bandwagon is another story).]

Among the first actions that the Calvinists theocrats took was the banning of Catholicism in Protestant cities (and permitting Judaism).
Thereafter they started fighting among themselves.

Not only in the Netherlands.



DUTCH CALVINISTS IN AMERICA
The first Dutch Reformed church in the new world was established in New Amsterdam in 1628, and the first church was built in 1633 on what is now Pearl Street in Manhattan. The Brits eventually seized the property for military purposes, and a new church was built in 1693 on Exchange Place. By the end of the century Dutch Reformed congregations had arisen all over New York and New Jersey, including areas which are now Hareidi strongholds such as Brooklyn, Flatbush, Hempstead, Monsey, Paramus, etcetera. By 1792 the Dutch American churches split off from the Dutch churches, at which time they already consisted of various splinter groups on both sides of the Atlantic.



MY CHURCH, HIS CHURCH, AND THE ONE NEITHER OF US WOULD BE CAUGHT DEAD VISITING
In 1816 Dutch government meddling created even more splinter groups, all disunited in opposition to the official approved Dutch Reformed denomination. In 1822 more seceders split off from the Reformed Church in America to form the True Dutch Reformed Church, while in 1834 dissidents left the Reformed Church in the Netherlands to form two new denominations, the Christelijk Afgescheiden Kerk (Christian Separatist Church - CAK) and the Gereformeerde Kerk onder het kruis (Reformed Church under the cross, aka the Cross Churches).

It gets worse.

In 1841 pastor Ledeboer and his group in the Netherlands set up shop separately, along with others (forming the Ledeboerian faction). A number of these people headed for the U.S. in 1846 under the leadership of Pastor Albert Van Raalte, becoming the second group of people to immigrate to North America to get away from religious freedom (the Puritans having been the first). They established the settlement of Holland, Michigan (gosh what an imaginative name for a settlement of Dutchmen!). By 1850 they had more or less united with the Reformed Church in America.

Shortly thereafter, a group of dissenters split off from the Second Reformed Church (in Grand Rapids) and the Fourth Reformed Church (in Pella) to form the Christian Reformed Church. The True Dutch Reformed Church joined with the Christian Reformed Church in 1890, forming their own classis within the movement - Classis Hackensack. In 1908 most of Hackensack withdrew from the Christian Reformed Church in a dispute over the faithful joining civic lodges or fraternal organizations.

Second Christian Reformed is actually a term for split-offs from the Fourth Christian Reformed church (Pella), which itself is a split-off variant of Dutch Reformed.
Second Christian Reformed should not be confused with Third Christian Reformed or First Christian Reformed, even though most Christian Reformed Churches adhere to the same source documents: The Apostle's Creed, the Nicene Creed, the Heidelberg Catechism, the Belgic Confession, and the Canons of Dort.

Many Christian Reformed Churches in America, when they still worshipped in Dutch (in some places up until the nineteen-seventies or eighties!) still held to the Psalter of Petrus Datheen (1531 - 1588), though some "Reformed" Churches held instead to the Psalter of Marnix Van St. Aldegonde (Philip van Marnix, lord of St. Aldegonde, 1538 - 1598), and a few sick deviants had long since switched to either the first or second Statenberijming ("State's Rhyme" - the official version of the psalter), which dates from governmental meddling in church affairs starting in 1816 under William I.

In the Netherlands, several of the congregations of the Christelijk Afgescheiden Kerk and the Cross Churches combined to form another denomination - the Christelijk Gereformeerde Kerk (Christian Reformed Church, but not the same as the Christian Reformed Church in the American Midwest).
In 1886 Doctor Abraham Kuyper and his followers split off from the official Dutch Reformed Church to unite with Christelijk Gereformeerde Kerk.

The Ledeboerian churches in the Netherlands joined with the remaining Cross Churches in 1907, forming a denomination which called itself the Gereformeerde Gemeenten (Reformed Congregations).
The remaining Ledeboerians in America had meanwhile formed the Netherlands Reformed Church in Michigan in 1877.



RECENT HAIRSPLITTING

In 1924, Reverend Herman Hoeksema of the Eastern Avenue Christian Reformed Church in Grand Rapids refused to agree to the teaching of the doctrines of common grace and presumptive regeneration, and left the church with most of his own congregation, plus a congregation in Kalamazoo, and other dissidents. In 1926 they organized the Protestant Reformed Churches. Their unity lasted less than thirty years, nearly half of the members splitting off in 1954 to form the Orthodox Protestant Reformed Churches - which joined up with the Christian Reformed Church in 1961.

During WWII a new denomination arose: Gereformeerde Kerk Nederland - Vrijgemaakt (Reformed Church Netherlands - disassociated). By the nineteen fifties, this new denomination was also present in the U.S. and Canada.

A group seceded from the Gereformeerde Gemeenten (Reformed Congregations) over a doctrinal point that is totally incomprehensible, and became the Gereformeerde Gemeenten in Nederland (Reformed Congregations in the Netherlands). Their American branch is called the Reformed Congregations in North America.


Naturally, the recent mega-merger in the Netherlands of the Nederlandsch Hervormde Kerk, the Gereformeerde Kerk Nederland, and the Dutch Lutheran Church has (of course) resulted in even more break-aways.


The end is not in sight. Dissidence is a sign of health.

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FURTHER NOTES
1. If at this point you are reminded of that scene in Life of Brian where they discuss the differences between the People's Front of Judea, and the Judean People's Front, that is perfectly appropriate. They are SPLITTERS, and it is entirely unknown whether they support your RIGHT to have children even if you are biologically incapable of it.

2. Decades ago I ceased believing that the Messiah already came, and I am skeptical that he will ever come. I await his first coming, even though he may tarry. And I was always dubious about the theory in any case.
No, I don't particularly feel like dealing with 608 more commandments. Why do you ask?

STAR TREK HALACHA: KASHRUS

With the release of the latest Star trek movie, a matter of some halachic import presents itself.
Ship-board kashrus!

It is the considered opinion of this blogger that there should be at least FIVE dedicated food replicators on board the Starship Enterprise.

[Backgrounder, from Wikipedia: A replicator works by rearranging subatomic particles, which are abundant everywhere in the universe, to form molecules and arrange those molecules to form the object. For example, to create a pork chop, the replicator would first form atoms of carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, etc., then arrange them into amino acids, proteins, and cells, and put it all together into the form of a pork chop. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Replicator_%28Star_Trek%29).]



FIVE REPLICATORS


Question: Why are five dedicated food replicators required?

Answer: One each for milchediks and Fleishediks. One for treif for the non-Jewish crew members. Plus two more for Peysach.

Question: Why are dedicated Peysach food replicators required?

Answer: The warp-drive traverses light years. Under normal (non-warp) speeds, Peysach will be celebrated every year, and while it would clearly be onerous and impossible to observe Peysach for every light year traversed at warp-speed, at least one full Peysach will have to be celebrated during each warp jump.

[As the bubble of 'normal' space-time surrounding the ship during warp is artificial, and therefore objects in normal space can still interact with space craft at warp velocity, normal halachic conditions for space-time must be presumed.]


Note, because Starfleet ships are as big as a small city, the search for chometz may be limited to quarters within the eruv. If, however, all crew members will attend a seder, chometz has to be removed from the entire ship excepting the warp core.

[Bedikas chometz should be completed BEFORE the beginning of the day during which warp velocity is reached. Remember, the day begins at night fall, so the search must be performed no more than twenty five hours earlier, and while there is still a presumption of darkness (so that the chometz may be seen by the shadow it casts on surfaces when illuminated by a candle) before the light part of the day prior to the day on which warp-speed commences.]


Since no complete warp jump is possible within Israel (because of the distances traversed in warp mode, either it would take you OUT of The Land if it began in The Land, or it would deliver you into The Land from a point far outside The Land), warp drive almost by definition means chutz l'aretz - this means two seders.
Hence the need for two dedicated kosher le Peysach food replicators, and an on-board mashgiach because even with two dedicated food replicators for the chag, there will be a need for kashering for Peysach.

Libun chamur for both meat replicators, libun kal for both dairy replicators. Irui (hagala) all surfaces, followed by a layer of aluminium foil for preparation areas. And make sure that your tablecloths have been thoroughly washed recently, as cloth may attract dust and kleine shrotzim that render it unfit for the festival.


Question: Why kashering for BOTH meat and BOTH dairy replicators, even if only one of each will be used?

Answer: Because the obligation is that your entire household should be fit for Peysach, not just the items that you intend to use during the festival. It is by that reason that chometz must be gotten rid of before the chag. Please note that as the halachic status of Feringhi is still in doubt, it is best to sell your chometz to a Klingon (or, even better, a Netureikartanik). This is to avoid any inadvertent transgressions bein adam le’chaveiro.


Regarding koshering the facilities, it is very likely that the onboard mashgiach will be a chabadnik. Chabad is well known for providing kitchen kashering services for people who are far from an established Jewish community, as well as Jewish-outreach to far-flung kehilim in addition to kosher for Passover matzos in even the most out-of-the-way locales.

[NOTE: shmure matze can NOT be made during warp speed for obvious reasons.]



SEPARATE DINING FACILITIES


An additional issue is the need for separate dining halls for Jewish crew members, and a lavishly appointed tea room for the hours in between meals.
The non-Jewish members of the crew, when fressing their treif, should mamesh be discouraged from doing so in either the kosher dining halls OR the tea-room, lest one mistakenly assume that treif is replicated there, OR be misled into believing that what they are eating is actually permitted.
This is probably a matter for the unions, and should in any case be including in contract negotiations.



REPLICATED FOODS


It has been argued that the food replicators do not actually create meat or dairy foods, in that they take 'raw' nutrient material and shape it and flavor it so that it looks and tastes like whatever is desired. The analogy is with the mon that the Hebrews ate in the midbar.

Another argument is that the food replicators do not replicate the actual foods, but turn 'matter' into the requested food during the beaming process. And that therefore the issue of kashrus is immaterial.

These ideas are both koferdik, mamesh!

If it has both the same nutritive value, AND tastes the same, as either meat or milch, then logically it IS meat or milch.
The alternative is that you argue that it does not have a meat or milch origin and THEREFORE cannot possibly be meat or milch. But if that were the case, it could not possibly be kosher either!

Now, you may aver that if it is neither meat nor dairy it can yet be kosher: Parve.

To which I will respond that if is NOT of a food origin, then it cannot be kosher, whereas if it is parve, hechshering (of the matter of origin) becomes an issue.

One has to assume that what comes out of a food replicator counts in all ways as food, wherefore kashrus, lechatchila, has to be maintained.

If not, frumme leite could not go into space at all.

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Further exploration of Halachic issues relating to startrek are discussed in the comments underneath this post:
http://dovbear.blogspot.com/2009/05/star-trek.html
Other matters relating to Chassidus in deep space may also be found at that blog (http://dovbear.blogspot.com/).
I encourage you to read Dovbear's posts and learn from the discussion, but as always, consult your local rabbi on kashrus and other subjects when there is any possibility of doubt. To err may be human, but it is not Talmud.

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MY COMPUTER HAS A KIPPAH

On one of the mailinglists, the question was raised about permissible activity during Chol HaMoed.

[Chol HaMoed: חול המועד - the intermediate days of an eight day festival such as Peysach or Sukkos.]


What one MUST do is enjoy the holiday. But is one allowed to work?

Well, yes. Within limitations.


The five types of permitted work are as follows:
1. Davar HaAveid: Work which is necessary to prevent loss or damage provided it does not require overmuch effort (tircha yeteira).
2. Tzorchei HaMoed: Work that is necessary for yom tov or chol hamoed needs.
3. Bishvil po-eil she ein lo ma yochal: That which enables another to earn money for food or other yom tov essentials during chol hamoed.
4. Tzorchei Rabim: Work that benefits society.
5. Maasei Hediyot: Simple tasks, including makeshift repairs that are necessary.

Work that involves much effort, or professional competence, is discouraged.

Whether these conditions are d'oraisa or d'rabbanan is a matter of considerable debate - the Tur holds insists on the latter, Rabbi Yosef Karo opines the former. The Rambam waffles considerably on the issue, and the machlokes continues.


I have been at the office everyday during chol hamoed. I am, as you may have guessed, not a shomerish type person. But on the other hand, nothing I do really qualifies as work. Even during the rest of the year I am here to be entertained. This is my living room, my cockpit, my window on the universe.

Especially now.
There's a drawer full of chocolate hidden in the Accounting Department. All kinds of chocolate. A surfeit of seasonal goodness. And I know where it is. Not everybody does, but I do.
I am zipped to the eye-brows, all day, everyday. Life is very good indeed.

But, in honour of the season, and so that at least part of me is Peysachdik, I have placed a kippah on my computer. As a zeicher of the zaman. But also because without the computer I might as well be a half-wit.
This thing does a lot of my thinking for me, and there is much kedoosha within.

Caffeine. Theobromine. Sugar. Wheeeeeeee!!!!!! Chag sameach.

BUY JAPANESE!

Looks like the US car companies are realizing just how much they can soak us for.


Chrysler LLC on Tuesday submitted an update on its viability plan to the Treasury, requesting an additional $2 billion in loans ........

General Motors Corporation said late Tuesday afternoon that it might need up to $30 billion in emergency federal loans by 2011 ........ worst-case scenario ........ hinges on even further concessions from its union workers and bondholders ........


In a normal business environment, it is beneficial and tonifying when incompetents clear the field. It clears up the clutter and gives more efficient companies a shot in the arm.
Time to shoot these horses.