IT IS VERY NEARBY!

An internet discussion with a friend in Israel this morning, in which I mentioned that the languages of San Francisco are English, Spanish, Cantonese, and Tagalog. Pursuant ordering food in Antwerp, where if the waitress speaks really deep and unintelligible Flemish, her parents native tongue will come in handy. Cantonese, despite it not being a Chinese restaurant. One should never let language stand in the way of food, unlike for instance haemorroids (quiero comprar un tubo de tu mejor pomada para las hemorroides!), for which salves are, or used to be, as advertised on Mission Street buses. And you can imagine how chuffed I was to realize that I could make sense of every word on the colourful advertising poster.

At last! I can go to Mexico AND have haemorrhoids!

Some folks think just pointing will work. With food, that can lead to confusion and lectures, the subtext of which might be "that's bittermelon with shrimp paste, which is indeed delicious, but you're so white you glow in the dark, perhaps I should let you know that you will probably detest it". With piles, pointing is probably not recommended either. But feel free to try, and report back.

Imagine that you are visiting Beirut.

Afwan, ya mademoiselle, hadha biwasir!

Ayn Walghrizi? Where is a Walgreens?

One would hope 'qarib jidan'. Rather than ten miles away. So you thank her nicely ('shukran jazilan, ya mademoiselle'), then toddle off on your ten glowing tentacles, leaving her with memories of an experience she can't possibly tell her friends about.
"Hey Laila, did you know space aliens can have haemorrhoids?" At which point Laila thinks to herself "oh goodness, Fatima has been hitting the bottle again" and resolves to call the authorities.

One would hate for glowing green space alien haemorrhoids to be the reason for first contact. It would be undignified. Just saying.



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