THE ANTIMONARCHIST

My coworker is growing his grandfather's grapes. The raccoons wish to eat his grandfather's grapes. They were above the ceiling all night. This prevented him from having more than four hours sleep. Worst comes to worst, if the black pepper he's buying doesn't keep them away, he'll shoot them. I fear we will read about him in the papers: "Corte Madera resident blows holes in roof with shotgun". And then a few years later: "Corte Madera resident previously mentioned burns several dwellings witha flamethrower battling spider". I told him so. Which prompted him to mention the ant queen he had flamed recently. Which ought to cause the colony to eventually disappear. No queen, no workers ants.

So I took pains to explain that raccoons, spiders, and ants are our friends.
We should love and cherish them. They do useful stuff.
At which he sneered. A cynic.


Seeing as I live in the city, I do not have raccoons, spiders, or ants. There used to be lots of raccoons here, but our houses are not festooned with our grandfather's grapes, and they can no longer get into the garbage bins. The rats can get in, so we now have coyotes.

If you are in a San Francisco park and you see a coyote trotting past, do not be alarmed. They haven't carried off a little child yet. That we know of.

There have been times when I've wished I had a tennis ball with me to test whether coyotes have the same instincts as urban dogs. "Here Wiley, fetch!" I feel certain that coyotes have gotten a bad rap. Possibly because of the Acme corporation. Coyotes are our friends, they do useful stuff, and we should love and cherish them for the variety and excitement they bring to the urban environment.


A while back I mentioned the coyote in Portsmouth Square to my apartment mate, and she immediately worried that it presented a danger to the little old ladies who play cards there. She need not worry. Even little old ladies who are Cantonese, though tiny, are still far too large for a coyote to snap up and trot off with, and most of those little old ladies there may look fragile but they're tough as blazes. Coyotes have a keen eye for danger.
They are able to weigh the risks. They aren't stupid.


I worry about the coyotes. They do useful stuff and we should love and cherish them.
Coyotes are our friends. Free-spirited canid hippie friends.
Kind of like unfluffy foxes.


In other news, I asked Jeff if he would be protesting the fat orange pedo on Monday with everyone else, and he snarled viciously at me. I swear that the rightwing turd is rabid. Distemperate. We should probably shoot him.



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