WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE LIZARDS?

Since early adolescence I have not been vested in Easter. One of my friends describes it as "zombie-Jesus day", while another one fondly remembers that the family hound found all the eggs in the lawn and spent the rest of the day dropping presents all over the house. A third obsessively talks about how gangrene takes less than three days to develop.

Yesterday I told someone that in lieu of eggs, he should hide colourful cigars in the grass. Some of Rocky Patel's stogies would be ideal; with all that blinkity wrapping they look just like bonbons, and imagine the joy on little children's faces when they discover something nice to smoke. Happy exclamations of delight! And giddy screaming.

As with all holidays, you probably do not want me around.
I would be a bad influence on the little kiddies.
Uncle Grumpus and his smelly pipe.
The very bad rabbit.

I would sneer at your silly spring festival.

As you should expect, I am very disappointed that the lizards have not shown up sunning themselves on the walkway to the warehouse yet. It just isn't Spring if the lizards are not enjoying the warmth in the morning. Obviously it is still too cold overall for them to come outside. They're probably at home sitting around little fires, cradling their cups of hot chocolate and grumbling, calling us all kinds of names for messing up the climate.
As well as levying tariffs on everything desirable in this world.

Coffee. Tea. Tobacco. Bottles of Scotch.
And expensive French plonk.


Later today I shall head over to Chinatown for snackies, somewhere that isn't flooded with little Christian brats weeping over the lack of eggs this Easter, because Donald Trump and Elon Musk got Amazon, Facebook, and Google to steal them all.

Which is all J. D. Vance's fault. As you know.
He didn't lay them fast enough.



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