THE TIME FOR GOO IS UPON US!

Per SFGate, parks and beaches in Northern California were crowded this weekend. Many people do not understand what the heck social distancing means. What it means is that if you come close enough, I'll take a swing at your head with my blackthorn stick which I will now carry around to damned well guarantee distance. Please understand that there are so few witnesses on the street that I could easily crack your head open and feast on the goo inside for ten minutes before anyone notices.

Kent Brockman: Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each others heads open and feast on the goo inside?

Professor: Yes I would, Kent.


No high fives. No fist bumps. No elbow to elbow. Stay away.
Apparently there was gridlock in some places.
And overflowing parking lots.


Normally I would not carry the blackthorn stick with me except late at night.
Now, if more than ten feet from my front door, it will be at the ready.
Because I don't trust my fellow human beings.
There are FOUR people in my apartment building who are older than me.
At least one of whom is probably in her last year among us.
And, of course, I know that I might not make it.
Pre-existing conditions and all that.


In the past I may have suggested that when I am outside smoking my pipe some company would be nice, and it still would. Now more than ever, though, any company should be as anti-social as I myself am. Eight to ten feet away, and fairly untalkative. While remaining on the look-out for people who need their heads cracked.

My apartment mate could inadvertently infect me, there is that possibility; she still goes to work. But I am more worried about something happening to her while she's out of the apartment, because, as I previously mentioned, there are fewer witnesses on the street now, and I don't trust my fellow human beings. I care about her. A lot.


The cigar smokers in the backroom won't infect me. Haven't seen any of them in over a week. My fellow pipe smokers won't either, as most of us have severely attenuated social urges. At best.

But normal people are a threat.

Delicious grey goo.

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