ADD THIS TO YOUR CELEBRATION

It's less than two weeks till the biggest holiday event in the United States, a precious part of our tradition. Yes, that's right; the shopping frenzy on Black Friday. With numerous violent incidents. Because cheap matters, bitches.
Though I was born here, I did not grow up here. Consequently I am not vested in American cannibalism.

I would prefer a new tradition.

It's a bit late, but I should like to propose 'The First Annual Running of the Turkeys'. An event in which all the suburban fattaboolas get some exercise, by huffing along with brainless fowl in a public spectacle.
The best venue would be Pinole.

Don't you think that's far better than your aunties slaughtering other women on their drive to be the first amazon into Macy's? Or your uncles camping out at Best Buy for two weeks, so that they can lead the bargain stampede?


At several grasping chains, black Friday starts at six in the evening on Thursday. Which is un-American, and rather despicable.

I might suggest vandalism, but that's illegal.
Tonnes of turkey poop is better.
And feathers everywhere.

Run, Turkeys.

Run.




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