ZEBRAS AND MACKEREL: BRITISH CULINARY QUANDARIES

There are two essays which almost always draw in English readers: How To Cook a Zebra, and Mackerel Is Not Herring. Whenever I look at my blog stats, these are often the specific results of internet searches originating in Great Britain.


CAN ZEBRA BE COOKED, AND WHAT IS HERRING?

The availability of zebra in England must be far greater than anywhere else in the civilized world. Possibly as an alternative to maddened cow. Either that, or it's culinary uncertainty. "Okay, we've got a great stripy beast..... now what do we do with it?"

One imagines vast herds thundering across the moors of Yorkshire.
England must have changed since I last visited.

Like with any other meat, you can grill zebra in the garden, and serve it with nice crisp summer salads, plus hummus and tahini. It would be lovely rubbed with garlic, paprika powder, a pinch of cumin, salt, and pepper.
Zebra is very lean, so doing it rare is best.

Of course, long stewing or 'braising' is also an option, like Africans do, or marinate it overnight. One recommendation: equal measures lemon or lime juice and olive oil, plus a teaspoon each of salt and cumin, and lots of minced garlic and cilantro. Cut the meat appropriately for your cooking method before putting it in, and trim off the membranes that encase muscles, as these are rather unlikable in the mouth.
Chunked and skewered, than seared over hot coals, you'd be amazed at how splendidly this goes with a spicy South-East Asian peanut-sauce.

Almost any recipe for goat can also be adapted for zebra.
Keep in mind that it is a much leaner meat.


As for the curiosity regarding herring and mackerel, the only thing I can think of is that the desperate reader is either newly arrived in England, or has been stuck in the country districts living on haggis, spotted dick, and hot cross buns for the last forty years.
Herring and mackerel are not the same fish, though both have a high fat content, which accounts for their popularity and culinary appeal. A simple preparation is best, and like with zebra, do not overcook.
Also try haddock, whiting, and pollock.


AFTERWORD

Now then. It is before seven in the morning as I write this, and while not a breakfast eater at all, I am ravenous at present. Probably due to the consideration of lovely things to eat, such as zebra stew with tomatoes and okra, goat curry Chettinad style, smoked haddock and rice, herring fillets, Norwegian fish balls, dory in coconut cream, skewered bush meats with peanut sauce, cassava greens, and fufu, plus a nice crisp summer salad, hummus, and tahini.

I shall be in Marin in three hours. Between where I live in San Francisco and where I'm going there is not a single place which serves any of this, not at any time and certainly not for breakfast.

The typical American breakfast, like what is served in Britain, consists largely of fried miscellaneous objects often swimming in grease, with heavy bland starch components, and sugar. It is altogether inedible, and the only bright spot is that there's a bottle of Louisiana hot sauce on the table along with the unavoidable ketchup.
Evenso, acid indigestion is predictable, inevitable.
It's a profoundly Protestant start to the day.
It induces existential discomfort.
And severe regret.


Instead, please imagine zebra curry over rice. Tangy with tamarind, a little ginger, some red red chilies, ground coriander, cumin, black pepper, cinnamon, dhania ka patta, cardamom......
Fluffy rice; long grain with a little fried onion.
A side dish of herring or mackerel.
Plus a bowl of salsa.
And a salad.

Doesn't that sound ever so much better?


What is it with Anglos and their appallingly vile and unhealthy gaggy acid-reflux daemon breakfast habits?


It's a 'thing', right?




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